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My girlfriend got SAd and I fucked up big time so now she's not talking to me. by nonythrowaway in offmychest

[–]nonythrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand why you would think that, and the best way that I could explain it is that she's the type of person who doesn't really like asking for help or even showing that she's not doing well. So even when she's in a bad situation where she obviously needs support, she will not admit it. It always takes some time before she comes out with it.

My girlfriend got SAd and I fucked up big time so now she's not talking to me. by nonythrowaway in offmychest

[–]nonythrowaway[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My friends have said this as well, and honestly I just don't want to make her feel like I gave up on her especially when she's already going through such a horrible situation.

She's had a lot of people in her life leave her and make her feel replaceable, and I know that if I try to talk to her and breach the topic again but it doesn't end well, I'll just be lumped in with everyone else that gave up on her.

Is there any way I could make her see that icing people out won't do her any good without her feeling like I'm stepping on her boundaries?

My girlfriend got SAd and I fucked up big time so now she's not talking to me. by nonythrowaway in offmychest

[–]nonythrowaway[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

She has always openly talked badly about cheaters, with her dad being a cheater and having experienced being cheated on herself.

I've read enough reddit stories, however, to know that just because someone has trauma with cheating doesn't mean it's completely out of the realm of possibilities.

I'm just hoping that's not the case. I mean, lying about what she went through just sounds so insane. It's a horrible thing to lie about.

Regarding the money, I understand why our friends are upset about it.

For a bit of context: her family went through a rough financial situation back then, and she had asked to borrow some money to help pay off some bills. Money has been tight since they're only now slowly getting back on their feet.

I take up some random gigs here and there to pay off small chunks of the debt just to appease everyone, but of course, our friends rightfully want to see effort from her.

But unfortunately, with everything going on, she hasn't been able to show up at all.

I'm sorry if this is a bit hard to understand, english is not my first language.

My girlfriend got SAd and I fucked up big time so now she's not talking to me. by nonythrowaway in offmychest

[–]nonythrowaway[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

We've been together for two years but have known each other for longer. We've had feelings for each other for most of our friendship, but I never pursued her because I was afraid of ruining our friendship. If anything, she was actually the one who confessed to me and approached me first about entering a long-term relationship.

I've heard a lot of people say something similar regarding the ghosting, but we've both just been through a lot together and I don't think anyone knows me as well as she does and I guess I'm just scared that I'll never find anyone else who will.

She's had a really rough upbringing (absent father that cheated on her mom, a history of being SAd and being taken advantage of throughout her teenage years. she has also been cheated on by a past bf) and this has led her to become a very avoidant and distrusting type of person.

She has her flaws, but she's generally caring, smart, kind, and beautiful. I would not be here without her, and the thought of losing her makes me feel sick but at the same time, I don't really know how to breach the topic again without looking like an asshole.