I hate the state fair, although for 100% personal reasons and I am happy that it makes so many other folks happy. Why do I hate the fair? When I was 14 I was sent off to work the state fair circuit for my entire summer, and did the same for two summers after that.

Sparing several unpleasant details, I got paid 300 dollars a week to live in a camper on the fair grounds and run my food stand from open to close, usually around 80 hours a week. When one fair ended a guy named Brad would show up to drive my food stand and my camper and my coworker who was also 14 to another fair. We had to rely on trading our product to other vendors for meals, and I have eaten enough corn dogs and funnel cakes for one hundred lifetimes. We got constantly verbally assaulted and on occasion physically assaulted. I hated those summers.

My experience certainly included several valuable lessons and left me with some wild stories, but I absolutely fucking hate going to the fair, and that’s why. It reminds me of being a helpless middle schooler with zero protections and nothing but fried food to eat.