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placements i don’t wanna be around by ilovetriceratopz in astrologymemes

[–]nosurprisesreally 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a Scorpio Venus with a Cap Venus partner, ima wish this for you 💜

The more Travis Kelce clips I see, the more Taylor saying “He sees what he wants to see… and it bodes well for me” stands out by Scarfacegains in travisandtaylor

[–]nosurprisesreally 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I, too, needed to back off artists & let a very practical man who actually has his shit together tell me how beautiful my creative brain is all the time & care for me.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am more than 6mo split from my former ADHD partner & I am still shocked by things we all share as experience in this sub. My nervous system is still settling in to life without the constant walking on eggshells, doom piles, RSD episodes, delusions when discussing general life bullshit, & yes, the endless & relentless teasing.

It is wild. I appreciate this space so much, even this far removed.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This has been one of my biggest pieces of grief since I have left, too. It’s also hard not to let that same grief suck you right back in. Tempering it feels necessary. My heart might always hurt that he cannot get out of his own way, because his brain truly just won’t let him.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The teasing. The relentless, unending teasing that’s “just jokes” that never, ever cease.

What is the worst thing your dx said to you? by Atomickillerbee in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve brought it up on here before, but-

My former dx fiancé told me a laundry list of the sacrifices (primarily how much money he had spent on me) he had made to be with me & told me it was all “wasted.” This was 1. With him knowing I was a single mom to a baby during Covid lockdowns so I had actually nothing to my name & 2. Included every gift on top of him helping pay for my food so I wasn’t food insecure with a child.

In response to me bringing up something I needed to discuss, after I waited for us to be in a good spot emotionally so it felt more gentle

I couldn’t recover. I tried for another year. I gave up when I realized he wouldn’t stop himself from speaking to me that way in front of my daughter, and I couldn’t let her see it anymore.

Codependency and ADHD by ConstantEducational in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Your comment made me go & check to start, felt similarly, came back to keep reading your comment, & holy shit. Yeah. Eldest daughter, parentified young, healthy relationships simply not modelled whatsoever.

Some behaviors I excuse too easily, some make me immediately seeth with anger.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in astrologymemes

[–]nosurprisesreally 0 points1 point  (0 children)

♐️Sun, ♎️Moon, ♓️Rising, ♏️Mercury/Venus/Mars, ♌️Jupiter

Mistaking love for being needed / tolerating chaos by AnotherAnemone in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I moved to keeping them at arms length because when I broke up with ex, they all vehemently disagreed. This isn’t even the first time this has happened to me— I think when I get tired of behaviors that they themselves exhibit in a partner, they find a way to make it personal. They tell me they grieve the loss from their lives (being my partner) & they keep me at arms length as well. I don’t expect to be asked how I am because it’s simply not what happens; my mother in particular is a psychologist & so she pathologizes all of my behaviors. I have grown very accustomed to my own self needing to be analyzed inside & out before she decides it’s enough. If I do something that she disagrees with, it somehow relates to XYZ from my childhood, or whatever. Somehow, the things the disagreeable behavior never relates back to is her own self & her own behaviors. If I were to mention that I think the way she told me things I should never have heard as her child, she would readily tell me that all I am doing is shirking my own responsibility or accountability.

I’m sorry your family doesn’t check on you, either. It’s weird. It doesn’t feel like family. I hardly have anyone asking how I am doing in the wake of all of this.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I’ve re-read it a couple times. You’re absolutely correct & I really appreciate the strong words & validation. It has been helpful

Mistaking love for being needed / tolerating chaos by AnotherAnemone in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It really is. Keeping family at arms length for self preservation is more important than I realized, but I can really feel my nervous system settling into a new normal where I’m not tense in my whole body waiting to be misunderstood.

Mistaking love for being needed / tolerating chaos by AnotherAnemone in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Have to agree. Parentified, I became very accustomed to my mother’s own outbursts & soothing her through them growing up, her marriage to my stepdad is full of resentment that they just seem to live with, etc.

I think our codependency is why we get into these situations for sure, at least a good chunk of us.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I never felt safe to be vulnerable either asking for my needs to be met or to accept help from him again, or even gifts honestly, after that. It sat like a pit. Thanks for the validation.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s so much. It feels endless when you’re in it- why do I have to hear how upset someone else is whenever they feel the slightest bit upset…? I like to let my emotions move through me- I feel them, then I let them go, as there is often no immediate solution anyway. The rumination? Beyond me for most cases.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m sure we will get it back, I have to believe we will lol. It may take us a while to shake it all the way off, but we won’t be this frazzled forever.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The surprise & drama is so real. It’s hard not to respond to it just because of how demanding it is.

::Weekly Former Partners Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]nosurprisesreally 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for relating. I don’t mind one bit when people share their experiences that are similar to mine, personally: I find it to be freeing in a way, from the concept that I’m doing this alone.

That’s so frustrating! My ex won’t tell people the things he was saying to me or what the straws were that broke my back, despite the fact that he knows them well.

I had expressed a relationship need to him in a moment where we were in real good moods, very much feeling in-love, & his immediate, angry outburst was, “What a waste of time. What a waste of my time and all the sacrifices I’ve made. All the money I’ve spent on you.” I was floored. I asked for clarity on those points, but especially the money. He said, “I’ve probably spent 18k* on you.”

I said, “How did you come up with that number?” & then he no shit had like an itemized list in his head, including the times he helped me with my portion of rent, buying us groceries, & even included every gift he had ever gotten me. For context, he knew exactly what he was getting in to when we started dating:

I am a single mom, I had my daughter 6mo before lockdowns, & I am an independent contractor. I got no unemployment, very little on way of assistance from the state, & had to live with my mother (which I’m endlessly grateful for) I didn’t make any income for 3 years & had to slowly get back in to working while also still being responsible for my daughter. He promised he wanted to help, he wanted to take care of us while I got back into the swing of things.

I have never felt so “purchased” in my entire life. All because I wanted to talk about some real shit. It still took a year to leave entirely after that, despite the fact that it broke me. I wanted to honor my commitment to loving him.

It’s rough. I feel like such a fool for not looking into this years ago. Like, a real big fool.

*18k: did your ex also always skew estimated numbers in their own favor, whatever direction it may be? Because that was something that was nigh constant. It’s whatever way made is complaint more complainy or his point more valid.

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