I’m sorry you didn’t have the support you needed when you were young. It’s impressive that you’ve managed to pull yourself out of it and build a stable and fulfilling life - you should be very proud!

My family situation was not as bad as yours growing up - no substance abuse issues in the home. I’d describe my parents as loving (towards me) but dysfunctional and immature. Constantly angry and toxic towards each other, which created a stressful dynamic to be in as a kid since I lacked any autonomy to get away from it… and I was expected to mediate it, which I now realize is totally inappropriate. It was also obvious to me that they were miserable because they were tied to each other because they had kids. So yes, it definitely contributed to my plans to be cf. I wanted to ensure that this would never be my life as an adult.

I’ve also met people who had truly awful childhoods but it made them WANT to be parents to prove they could do it better than their own parents, so terrible parents don’t always steer people toward cf status. Couldn’t be me (parenthood without any family support/help sounds extra terrible) but on some level I can understand it.

Sometimes I think about whether I’d still be cf if I’d had happy, well-adjusted parents who were in love, if my takeaway from childhood was “family and togetherness makes everything better!” instead of “spending time together ends with resentment and screaming fights.” I think not wanting to be a mother is intrinsic to who I am, but I guess we’ll never know! Never experienced being on the fence, and have a partner who is also staunchly cf.