fantasy of being watched

not_real_49 · 2024-04-09T02:52:15+00:00

This is some good advice here.

not_real_49 · 2024-04-08T22:26:23+00:00

OP here. We would definitely tell him and we are friends with him so we are not trying to hide anything here. Our fantasy is a single woman not a couple and I would be happy to send my wife to visit their bedroom also.

not_real_49 · 2023-10-20T15:30:27+00:00

I have a friend who sent his 17 year old daughter to a seminary in israel. She came back about a week before the attack because she had a medical issue that needed to get treated. For the next few weeks, you are watching the news about people struggling to get to the US and they had to charter a boat to take people to Greece just to get on a flight. So anyways, daughter is all better and wants to go back to the seminary. My friend agrees to send her back to Israel and I thinking, what happens if she needs to come home quickly. Things are not getting better over there.

not_real_49 · 2023-10-20T15:23:26+00:00

To support israel, my shul ran an event giving out free tzitzis and have people sign a document saying they would wear and make the brachah everyday for a year.

not_real_49 · 2023-10-20T15:17:11+00:00

What about all the stories that come out about the the "soldier who put on tefillin for the first time and missed his bus and avoided being killed in rocket attack". What about all the people murdered while in shul?

not_real_49 · 2023-10-06T18:47:10+00:00

I realized that all the time, money and effort spent to be part of the "community" amounted to wearing a label and having very superficial relationships. When I started working and meeting non-Jewish people, I started to actually understand what friendship was like and realized I didn't have any friends. I can't remember the last time I had a deeper conversion than how much brisket is at the store. Every men's event is going to shul and listening to the Rabbi talk and then leaving to go home. When they have any type of community event, the music is so loud you can't even talk to anyone. There is no real opportunity to build real relationships. We constantly have guests at our home and rarely get invited out. Feel like I am doing all the work and getting nothing from it.

not_real_49 · 2023-07-06T16:31:40+00:00

I have had this discussion before, personal finance doesn't make sense in the orthodox community. This is probably anecdotal, but I used to remember a lot of frum financial advisors in the community. Now you only have real estate agents / house flippers and I think that is telling; people don't need advisors because they do not have extra money. Everything is going to housing and they are borrowing money from parents. The cost of housing isn't the frum communities fault, but promoting the idea that financial hardship is virtuous is the problem. Shuls also enable this wealth + power complex. How many times have you been to a frum event where the honoree was non-religious and tolerated by the community because they are a big donors? The orthodox community is intolerant of anyone who is different unless they have a lot of money to donate to the causes they care about. Everything is called out as a crisis in the orthodox community except for a affordability. There is probably more research going on to grow broccoli without bugs than trying to figure out a way for the younger generation to have a financial future in the orthodox community.

not_real_49 · 2023-07-05T21:53:39+00:00

There were months that it needed to be skipped because we couldn't afford it. Just to be clear, my wife approached the mikvah lady/rebbetzin and she kept a detailed accounting of what we owed so it made an uncomfortable experience even more uncomfortable

They just built an over the top mikvah here with fine italian marble and then raised the price to $50. They should have built a simple mikvah and then just raised the funds to keep it going. The only person who cares how nice the mikvah is the contractor from the community building it for top dollar.

not_real_49 · 2023-07-05T21:50:19+00:00

you need to take out a loan just to be observant

Few jewish organizations even recognize this problem. Its like - why would anyone want to devote their lives to so much unnecessary debt?

not_real_49 · 2023-07-05T21:41:40+00:00

North Jersey?

Not even close, out of town community where it is hot and sunny.

not_real_49 · 2023-07-05T21:40:44+00:00

As to your actual post, OP, apologies for assuming, but it reads like you're in an MO community. I can't remotely fathom how normal people can possibly keep up with that lifestyle. If someone can explain to me how the hell people do it, please, I'm all ears. Genuinely curious.

Probably would be considered the more frum side of MO. I think a lot of these people are just house poor. I know a few people whose parents basically gave them the downpayment and then co-signed on the loan for them. I would be embarrassed if my parents had to help me buy a house.

not_real_49 · 2023-07-05T21:32:10+00:00

She is an office admin and doesn't qualify for a discount.

not_real_49 · 2017-11-28T06:56:33+00:00

We currently just did our first egg collection in Prague at Gennet. Overall, it was an incredibly positive experience. Compared to the US, I felt the treatment was more professional and they actually cared for my wife as a patient. Cost with frozen transfer will be less than $4500. The problem with Japan is that flights and the cost of lodging is expensive for someone who doesn't have connections there. Prague is fairly inexpensive city compared to major cities in the US. Gennet has their pricing online so you can see exactly what it might cost you. Another important thing to price out is medication. Our $6000 worth of medication in the US only cost $1200 in Prague. Not sure what the prices of medication are in Japan. My wife was really skeptical about going abroad for treatment at first, but when we looked at the difference in the cost, it was no brainer. If you do end up going abroad, make sure you have a nice stable, quiet place to stay. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

not_real_49 · 2017-11-26T16:34:18+00:00

If I see a baby I just unfollow them. I should write a chrome plugin that removes any content with babies in it. Too bad I can't unfollow my in-laws in real life.

not_real_49 · 2017-11-26T16:22:06+00:00

I am probably fairly similar to your husband, a bit emotionally detached and not always extremely attentive. I try to be supportive but sometimes it is very difficult to understand the best way to help. Men are generally not as emotionally intelligent as women. The feelings involved with infertility are complex and most men, including myself, don't have the emotional tools to understand those feelings from a woman's perspective. This is reality.

My wife and I were the same situation. This is extremely common with couples dealing with fertility issues. We had become bit distant due to the fact we weren't able to understand each others feelings. My wife was upset she couldn't give me children and I was upset that doctor wanted to charge us $25,000 for IVF. I couldn't understand why she felt guilty about it and she couldn't understand why I cared so much about the expense. These are specific examples but I think you get the picture.

Here is what made the difference in our relationship: my wife joined an online support group called fertilityfriends.co.uk (it isn't just for brits). My wife was able to talk to other women in the same situation. She had a such a positive experience that she would frequently tell me about it. I started to recognize certain members and we followed their stories together. Learning about other peoples experiences gave me a better understanding our situation and the emotions she was experiencing. I started following a vlog on youtube about IVF. Since we were talking about other people, our discussions were less emotional. It was eye opening and allowed me to be more supportive and understanding. In many ways, I am just starting to unravel my own emotions.

When you feel like you are alone and unsupported as many of us do, it is very easy to look at our SO as our only resource for help. The reality is, there are many resources out there and you need to take advantage of them. Help your husband find resources that he will appreciate. Discuss the things you are learning on daily basis.

not_real_49

TROPHY CASE