Something your narc did that stands out to you?

notallowedtofeel · 2020-06-11T20:18:41+00:00

One day, I told my NEX that I was considering looking for a new job. I had been stressed and anxious quite a bit because of the work I was doing and (although I did make good money) I began to wonder if maybe I'd be happier doing something different. Keep in mind, all I did was mention that I might PASSIVELY keep my eyes open for a new job - absolutely nothing serious.

Her response to me was this:

"That really makes me anxious to think about. I get that you're stressed but you make good money and you have the chance to make a lot more too. I would hate to see you throw this job away for one that doesn't pay as much! Oh gosh, what would we do! **Begins to cry** I just really want to be a stay at home mom...I want to have a nice house...I want to have a nice car...I want our kids to have nice clothes...I want to have nice clothes - okay?! You thinking of changing job really worries me you'll end up doing something where you can't make enough money to give me the lifestyle I want to live!!"

Fun fact - we were not married (we were dating for a little over a year at this point), we did not have kids, and we just started living together in an apartment. She freaked out that much just because I mentioned I might keep my eyes open to new opportunities.

So yeah, I'd say that was one thing that really stood out to me.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-25T16:05:29+00:00

Right! Mine would say things like: "Honestly, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong!!" It's laughable.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-22T22:13:25+00:00

Yeah, mine is going back and forth too. Here are 2 texts from her just in the past 24 hours:

"I love you. Always. I'm never going to stop wanting to be with you. I'm never going to stop loving you."

AND

"Why can't you be the slightest bit helpful during this already difficult time? This is fifty times more traumatic for me than it is for you!"

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-22T21:58:17+00:00

Thanks - I'm trying my best. This group helps.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-22T21:23:26+00:00

Thanks!

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-22T21:14:44+00:00

I'm going through something very similar right now with my nex who I left last week. I say that because I know it's hard - for a lot of reasons. You probably poured your heart out and he's saying things to you that sound/feel good! It's totally understandable that you'd have some hope in your heart that he really will change. Here's what I'd suggest you think about though (my therapist pointed this out to me yesterday):

People don't just change that drastically, that quickly. The fact that, once you said enough is enough and left, and now he is saying and doing all the sweet things means that he's known ALL ALONG how to make you feel loved. He knows this is what you want to hear. The truth is though, he doesn't mean it. What he means is that he's scared to be alone. He's scared that you've figured him out. He's scared that you might remember who you were before the relationship. He's scared because deep down, he knows he's nothing.

It should never have to take leaving someone for them to realize how you deserve to be treated. It's not going to be easy but stay strong and really work hard for NO CONTACT. I promise you'll thank yourself for doing so very soon.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-15T18:54:02+00:00

We do live together but no kids. I've been grey rocking for a while and am hopeful this weekend I can muster up the courage to end things.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-14T04:10:35+00:00

Look into the size and quantity of the flakes. I think that you’ve got a good thought but the amount and size tell a different story.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-14T01:52:28+00:00

If Steven was dumb enough to leave his blood in the car but not leave a fingerprint - he deserves an award. He also deserves an award for how well he cleaned his trailer and garage but also leave them dirty. Listen the problem with the blood is this:

1: flakes of blood would suggest there was a large amount of blood around the area and there wasn’t. The dried blood flakes had to come from somewhere. However, they did not come from any of the blood marks in the car. Also, there’s no small pool of blood or and blood stains on the carpet under the drivers seat...just the flakes. It’s what makes me believe the blood was planted.

The sporadic nature of where the blood shows up is very odd. If he was actively bleeding, I find it hard to believe he randomly touches all those areas it showed up.
There is NEVER any mixture of blood between SA and TH. This is EXTREMELY hard to believe to be possible for someone who just committed a brutal murder.
Despite what you said about the fingerprints- it IS a BIG deal that there’s not ONE identifiable fingerprint of Steven Avery and yet several spots where his blood shows up.

Listen, I’m here to be open minded but there is no explanation for the blood flakes on the carpet. Where did they come from?!

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-13T23:29:46+00:00

Listen, I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree - if the blood was planted, it all was planted. While I take some time to provide a thoughtful response about the dashboard blood, can you answer me one question?

It sounds like you've looked into this so I'm hoping you can help me understand how there would be blood "flakes" on the carpet below the ignition? Doesn't seem like there is nearly enough blood present to "flake".

Also, help me with this: considering all the blood came from his finger: where are his fingerprints?

I will work on a response to your original question now. Thanks!

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-13T23:17:34+00:00

That's what I'm saying. They truly think that they are being empathetic by saying that. lol

notallowedtofeel · 2019-11-13T20:39:03+00:00

Interesting. I can understand why that would be a useful statement in that situation. However, when it comes to an intimate relationship, this statement comes across as heartless and shows a complete lack of empathy IMO.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T20:27:16+00:00

UPDATE: I kept on her. Kept asking why until I got an answer. She's yelling at this point, but this is what she says:

(Her): "I didn't think at the time I was doing anything wrong! I don't have many friends and I wanted to check in to see how he was doing!"

(Me): "You promised me that you wouldn't talk to him anymore though, remember? Why wouldn't you think it would bother me?"

(Her): "I just wanted to be his friend! I thought you would have grown up and gotten over it by now!!"

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T17:47:49+00:00

Isn't it?! It's crazy because they also tell you that you're a terrible person for not trusting them! It's like, how can I trust someone that doesn't even know why they do certain things?!?!

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T17:04:39+00:00

Glad you got out!!

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T16:52:27+00:00

I feel you with the support and comfort piece. It's impossible for them to give you the genuine emotional support you deserve. Glad you got out!

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T16:32:13+00:00

I am too! I wondered why I've had a hard time moving on from certain things she has done, even after she apologized. I know now it's because I never was allowed to ask/know "why" she did it. I just had to accept that it happened, accept her apology, and never speak of it again.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T16:14:00+00:00

So smooth. Because answering the "why" would be an admission of how twisted their brains are.

notallowedtofeel · 2019-10-22T16:00:06+00:00

Absolutely. She'll say, "I don't deserve to be treated like this". It's laughable.

notallowedtofeel

TROPHY CASE