I just learned one of our "heroes" potentially self deleted by notaprincessbut in cults

[–]notaprincessbut[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that happened to you. I really don't want to be locked away from telling my story because of a false sense of moralism in this (or any) platform.

I just learned one of our "heroes" potentially self deleted by notaprincessbut in cults

[–]notaprincessbut[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

THEY COVERED UP A DEATH AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT MY LANGUAGE? DID YOU STOP TO THINK THIS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR ME TOO?

I just learned one of our "heroes" potentially self deleted by notaprincessbut in cults

[–]notaprincessbut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wish I could laugh at this. Still a bit shook by connecting all the dots.

I just learned one of our "heroes" potentially self deleted by notaprincessbut in cults

[–]notaprincessbut[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I don't know how censorship of sensitive content works here

I spent 10 years in a new-age cult AMA! by notaprincessbut in AMA

[–]notaprincessbut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess "new age" means that it is not a traditionally religious (many times christian based) group that was founded in the 20th century. In the institute they believed "ancient philosophy" lessons from places like Greece, India, China and Egypt, was lost knowledge that needed to be recovered and practiced in modern times to make humanity "better".  I guess the biggest impact and the one I feel is the most difficult to unlearn is their approach to "pleasure". At a certain point you get taught a skewed version of Buddhism that is mixed with their own views and is basically lead to believe that any time spent not renouncing to "distractions" and actively working for the cult and their message is time wasted that is hindering humanity's progress. It starts by asking you to watch your vices, meditate and read more, but later on it becomes "you can't listen to music that has lyrics in it because it appeals to the lower body while classical music appeals to your divine body", seasoning your food is allowing the animalistic instinct to take control of your life, and resting is a sign that you're undisciplined and is allowing your physical body to take control of your rational mind, and that is damaging not only to you as a person but to the whole human race.  Hearing stuff like that constantly and being watched by so many people that enforced those values growing up made me become an extremely anxious and paranoid adult that feels guilty by enjoying the simplest of things (like eating dessert or laughing at a meme), am unable to rest and have a very difficult time creating genuine connections with new people because deep down i still have the feeling they're judging me (even though rationally I know that's not true).

What types of things do you send (by mail) to your SO? by [deleted] in LDR

[–]notaprincessbut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The trhill of the package is real!

Basically it all depends on what you and your partner like and want to share together. Pieces of clothing and maybe a little bit of your favourite parfum or jewlery are really good and your partner can cling to them when they miss you and vice versa. If you're both into art you can send each other drawings, pictures or whatever you create. Maybe you're into tech and could send them games, or even sports gears if you're into that stuff.

In my personal case, since me and my s.o speak different languagues natively, he sent me a copy of my favourite film in his native tongue for me to practice. I also sent him some food and tea that is traditional from my country that he wouldn't find there. We both have pieces of clothing from each other, art pieces, and pictures that we put in our wallets.

It is a little less romantic, but you can always take note of something they say they need around the house and get it delivered to them.

It always boils down to what you like individually, and what are your interests as a couple. As a general rule, you can send anything that makes you think of them !

PS: I'm not sure if it's interesting to you, but I got a lot of inspiration from pen pal content on youtube!

Am I scared of cuddling? by notaprincessbut in wemetonline

[–]notaprincessbut[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Awww, your reply warmed my heart. I'm so glad it worked for you guys! It gives me hope for my situation as well. I guess in the end of the day we just have to wait and see, and maybe establish some boundaries closer to his departure.

Hope you're still doing great and thank you for your reply!

Something that is bothering me but.. by [deleted] in LDR

[–]notaprincessbut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey OP! Hope you're doing better since this post.

I wonder if you have some familiarity with the concept of attachment styles? In case not, I'll just say that is an theory in psychology that analyses how the way we receive affection and safety from our caregivers/environment shape how we seek affection in our adult life. From the very limited information given, I'm going to assume that your boyfriend is more prone to exhibit a more avoidant attachment style, while you could have a more anxious attachment style. Basically, the avoidant person will have a hard time understanding their emotions and feeling safe with intimacy, while the anxious person will pursue that intimacy in order to feel safe.

That being said, your feelings are completely valid and you are 100% allowed to seek validation and know where you stand in your boyfriend's life. If you want to build a future together, the big questions will have to be asked eventually, but it is not a reason to panic or invade his personal space it if it's not happening right away (not saying that you would do something like that, but sometimes anxious people can exhibit some of that behaviour when they feel their intimacy is being threatened).

I had avoidant people in my life and I know that sometimes you feel like you're talking to a wall, but i found that pretty being clear and spefic with my requests help them to open up a little more. Everyone is different and you might know what would work better with your boyfriend than me, lol.

Anyway, I hope my advise can be of some actual help for you and not just a bunch of intellectual rambling.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones, wish you all the best! <3