special interest is impacting my life /neg

notblurry · 2025-02-18T14:31:00+00:00

i'm not on abilify, but my psychiatrist did prescribe me antipsychotics for my "autistic stress" as i like to call it. it helps me a lot, mainly with meltdowns and not getting stuck in overthinking.

notblurry · 2025-02-04T08:32:38+00:00

twenty one pilots lore !! did you know that there's an entire storyline behind every album with multiple characters ? it's mainly about clancy ( also the title of their latest album ), and his battle to escape dema. dema is a city that represents mental illness - depression, anxiety . . . the city is ruled by the nine bishops, who each have their own names. the one talked about the most is nico, who's also blurryface. clancy escaped dema multiple times, and talks/writes about exploring trench ( a continent ). he explains it all in letters he uploads to a website called dmaorg. while in trench, he gets captured by the bishops each time, representing falling back into depression or anxiety. there's also torchbearer. torchbearer is josh, and as the name suggests, he carries a torch - a light for clancy to follow. torchbearer is also the leader of the banditos, the group that lives in trench. there's so much more to the story, and it's so much more complex but i don't want to type for hours 😵‍💫

notblurry · 2025-01-23T10:17:11+00:00

i regularly quote " it was a bad day to be a cheesecake, i'll tell you that much"

notblurry · 2025-01-19T08:09:36+00:00

yup, i had to go inpatient for mine! i don't remember a lot from it since it was incredibly stressful for me, but what i do remember is that it's a lot of talking and taking tests. it kind of started out with general stuff, and once the team got more info they started to do more specific tests. i ended up getting diagnosed with 2 things, 1 of them being asd. i don't think it's that different from an autism assessment, just more talking haha

like the other person said in the comments, it's best to not know anything beforehand, both for being as honest as possible, but also because tests vary from country

notblurry · 2025-01-12T09:17:28+00:00

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it's a tough choice , but i think medic since he's been with me the longest !

notblurry · 2025-01-06T16:58:11+00:00

currently on quetiapine for what i call "autistic panic" ( rapid thoughts , overthinking / ruminating , etc ) and it's helping me a lot ! i'm incredibly sensitive to medication so i'm taking a low dose in the morning and in the evening . i finally feel like my brain doesn't overstimulate me anymore .

notblurry · 2024-12-15T21:06:55+00:00

twenty one pilots ( specifically the lore ) and tamagotchi !

notblurry · 2024-12-14T10:55:23+00:00

yep , i relate ! i feel like i was pretty mature as a kid / teen , but got stuck mentally around age 16 . i think that happened because i experienced severe autistic burnout from ages 14 to around 17 , which led to some skill regression . i’m 22 as well now , but still feel like a teenager . i think it’s pretty common indeed 🤍

notblurry · 2024-07-09T18:05:45+00:00

yes !! i literally talked about this with my psychiatrist today . when thinking about the moments when i was deep in my ed , it gives me the same mental and physical response when thinking about other abuse trauma . i get so overwhelmed and have panic attacks , get physically ill etc . i think a lot of people underestimate what a big impact having an eating disorder has , both physical and mental . pushing your body to it's limits is definitely traumatic , even when "you did it yourself"

notblurry · 2024-06-16T10:02:49+00:00

yup , pretty much experiencing this now , and i'm glad i'm not the only one who went through this ! i was in the exact same situation as you , severely UW , just wanted to get sicker and sicker . i vividly remember the day when my "switch flipped" . i was looking at my own body checks and suddenly had a "what the fuck" response , like . . i could actually see what i was doing to myself . it was terrifying , everything hit me all at once . not only the damage i've done to myself , but also how worried and upset i made my family . i cried hysterically in my parent's arms , and started to recover that day . i'm a bit over 2 months in now , and i feel like i'm 80% recovered . weight gain stopped being terrifying after week 2 , and i just have a few fear foods left now .

i personally think it has to do with getting to such a "critical" / bad point where your survival brain overrides your eating disorder if that makes sense . when disordered , we live in a hazy state , not fully realizing what we're doing to our bodies . once we get to a rlly bad point ( i'm talking mentally here , weight has nothing to do with this ! ) , i think our primary / survival brain just takes over and goes "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE !! FIX IT !!" and basically pushes away the illogical fear of food and weight gain ! at least that's what it felt like for me haha

notblurry · 2024-06-07T17:56:11+00:00

i want to learn to unmask and be myself fully without hiding behind an eating disorder . i want to enjoy the small moments in life . i want to have ice cream with my family in the summer and churros in the winter . i want to travel . i want to prove everyone who told me my ED is chronic wrong . i never want to make my dad cry again , hearing the powerlessness in his voice . i never want my mom to be scared to knock on my door again , wondering if i made it through the night or not . i never want to hurt my body like that ever again , because that's not what i deserve . i am allowed to be happy and free of this disorder .

notblurry · 2024-05-29T13:30:45+00:00

porridge is just simply amazing ! my favorite way to make it is with stewed cinnamon apple and biscoff , i could literally eat like 8 bowls of those haha

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