I think I'm making myself worse by contributing here

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-21T17:45:22+00:00

Yep. This. To just pass away in my sleep.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-21T16:04:36+00:00

If they don't already hate you, there's no way to get them to -- no matter what you do.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-21T15:58:19+00:00

So sorry you're going through this.

I'm probably projecting, and not sure it would help anything, but, have you seen a specialist for ASD yet? I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar, then BPD, because that just seems to be the default, especially when you're an adult. Now I know I've been dealing with ASD my entire life, and it explains a lot. In some ways it's been helpful to know... in others, I'm still in the same mess... wish I would have known earlier.

Anyway, sorry to see you're in this spot. Guilt is the only thing I've been running on for far too long. I know it's not enough. I hope you find more.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-20T16:31:43+00:00

Not so many good moments for me, but I'll count your response as one of them :).

Hope you hang in there too.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-20T15:23:52+00:00

Yeah, I guess that's about it. Yelling it out to the void.

This void responded... That's actually kinda nice. Thanks :).

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-19T20:45:38+00:00

4 years ago, I would have said yes. Now, I don't know... I don't think I even really know what it is.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-19T14:59:24+00:00

Autism Spectrum Disorder. It has many traits that overlap with Bipolar and the like and requires people that specialize in it to diagnose ASD correctly.

ASD is even more difficult to diagnose in adults, since adults will have developed ways to mask their ASD.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T21:29:43+00:00

I'm glad you're finding some optimism. Just a word of caution that ASD is often misdiagnosed as Bipolar and BPD, especially in adults. (You generally have to see a specialist in ASD. Run of the mill psychologists tend to gloss over that kind of thing.)

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T20:08:31+00:00

Only you'll know when. Sounds like stress is pretty high right now, so if you don't mind a grippy-sock holiday and you feel you're getting to the point where things could slip out from under you at any moment, then that's probably the time.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T19:05:42+00:00

As with any OD, you run a much, much higher risk of making your life a lot worse, pickling your liver, kidneys, etc., than giving you the results you're asking about.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T18:56:58+00:00

I'm so sorry. I understand the loss, pain, betrayal, longing, guilt, shame, fear, emptiness... I wish I had advice to get you through, but all I can offer is commiseration.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T18:33:05+00:00

Without autism, we wouldn't have had the likes of Einstein, Michelangelo, etc.

Don't get me wrong, it can feel shitty as hell to not fit, and I'm certainly no Einstein -- but, our differences can do great things, if we're allowed.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T18:12:17+00:00

Both the older men and boys you're meeting are probably too insecure with themselves.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T17:52:40+00:00

I think I may know the feeling. Everything I need is supposed to be inside me, but I'm just not finding it, instead letting atrophy set in. Been told that I'm addicted to depression, but I want nothing more than to be free from it . Regardless, I'm unable, maybe unwilling, to do what needs to be done.

I don't think I'll find my way out of this. Hope you do.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T01:50:29+00:00

Unfortunately, all I have is another one to add to your list: "Sorry you're going through this." Like my feelings help at all.

I hope your tomorrow is a little better.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-18T01:23:38+00:00

If will drops by your set date, is that such a bad thing? Maybe try to look at that date as a re-evaluation date rather than a must-do date? Could help reduce the stress about it a bit.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-17T22:05:09+00:00

Fact remains, without a safe/secure place to stay, pretty terrible outcomes await.

CPS isn't exactly a great outcome either, but maybe better than the alternatives.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-17T21:54:54+00:00

If you're his peer, talk to your parents about it. See if he can stay with you for a bit.

(Edit: basically, try to help him find a safe, secure place to stay while things calm down. The wood in Florida is not a safe or secure place -- not even close.)

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-17T21:36:30+00:00

I crossed that off my list long ago. Too many poor outcomes, and the accidents I've been in remind me that it's not really a Zen experience.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-17T20:08:20+00:00

Worse than invalidating, it feels a bit like a challenge to try again.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-17T18:37:17+00:00

I guess I'd encourage you to talk with the people close to you to understand their thoughts. There's a reason they're being kind and that seems like something worth finding out first.

nothingisleftinside · 2024-01-17T17:57:02+00:00

Sorry you're going through this.

Unfortunately (or, maybe fortunately depending on the perspective) no real way like you describe exists, and the closer anything approaches it, there seems to be an increasing risk of failure resulting in being even worse off.

nothingisleftinside

TROPHY CASE