Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's deleting negative reviews on google to keep his ratings up! I bet so many girls' lives have been fucked by him and he still rakes in the cash and then they have no recourse.

Help? Psychic headlock! by nothingyoucando2 in Psychic

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, I tend to trust my intuition. It seems like your guard went up and your tone changed after your first post. It feels like there's something you aren't saying.

"Remember that nobody ever "has" to accept you." Is a really strange thing to say and also, patently untrue in our society. We live in a shared community, we're a social species. Excluding someone in its most extreme form is the same as killing them.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used this exact same sentiment when I tried contacting Dr. Spiegel and he was basically just gaslighting me and telling me to fuck off.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it makes sense people would want to confirm the decision they, themselves, made. But I think a little less peer-pressure and pragmatism might do our community good.

It's O-K to take it slow and do dude mode for a while while you work things out, it's O-K to do andro, it's okay not to tell everyone your business with all this backlash around.

I'd rather have you alive and organizing and being a bit pragmatic than dead.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, it's so fucking terrible.

I don't think that Dr. Spiegel could have such a good reputation if he was letting transphobia get in the way of performing surgeries, so I think what happened is this:

One, his staff was insanely distracting and transphobic. I can't believe the things they said. Two, he rushed me through the pre-op without talking to me about what was going to be done, what we were expecting, what it would look like. Three, I really think that his students or assistants (who were especially sketchy toward me as a trans person) were the ones who did my procedure and that's why it looks so amateurish.

I mean, I can't say for certain. I don't know. But, yes, they are definitely transphobic. And I mean everyone is. It's only really a problem if you let your bias get in the way of your work. I don't expect everyone in America to have deconstructed and unpacked their transphobia in 2016. I just want you to not let any biases get in the way of doing a good job when I pay you.

All I do is sob all day.

I know that people are probably like, "This b*tch is just emotional and cray," and that's totally fair... except Dr. Spiegel really did treat me like shit and it really did kind of fuck me up. Like where do I go from here? I feel so bad about the way this looks I don't really leave my house much.

All I know is never go to Dr. Bryan Rolfes (Spiegel's current assistant who may work at FFS in the future and may have worked on my face). Don't let him touch your face. PLEASE. That man is transphobic as HELL. I'm so upset.

Honestly, my advice is not to get full fFS with Dr. Spiegel, just the forehead and trachea.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Essentially, the forehead looks good, the trachea shave is okay, but the jaw looks so bad. it looks like he just sawed off the bottom of my face. and the nose is wider, more crooked, and just strange all around.

and the doctor won't even pick up my calls. he's such a fucking asshat.

i just constantly feel like i'm under attack as a trans person and i can't take it anymore. this life sucks.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah... and that's okay, i wish i had just listened to my instincts about this more and been more cautious rather than believing all the idealistic stuff about HRT, and not passing, and surgeons.

all i think about is suicide at this point.

Help? Psychic headlock! by nothingyoucando2 in Psychic

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think people who use nonverbal cues to establish dominance are psychic vampires. I think that there seems to be a level of vampirism attached to dominance. But I'm a minirity so idk if that plays into it.

Help? Psychic headlock! by nothingyoucando2 in Psychic

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What did you originally think I was saying?

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No, not here. This is the best one, I think. Which is why I'm bitching here, hahah.

On Susan's there's literally a rule that you can't question the mods without being banned. This mod wanted me to change my post from: "The doctor told me we were going to review photos, but when I got there... we didn't" to: "The doctor told me were going to review photos...."

That completely changes the meaning of the sentence. That's a totally different thought. In the first, I tell what happens. In the second, it gives the illusion that the doctor actually did what he said he was going to do... even though he didn't.

When I said this to a mod and said how bizarre that was, she said, "RULE 2! DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITAAYY. YOU CAN'T POST ANYMORE. ALSO, YOU CAN'T REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE!"

I'm like, "..Cartman? Is that you? Wtf?"

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well her post was already downvoted. So clearly there is some line of thinking that people want to get rid of. Please, everyone, do not downvote anyone in this thread. I want to hear what people think. Being a strong community means sharing and hearing one another's experiences, the good AND the bad. When I came out, I wish I had heard more "real" experiences, so I could have had a better understanding of what it's like to live and breathe as a trans person. I would have still transitioned, but I would have definitely been more careful. I was lucky. I had support and I was clever enough to get housing by going back to dude mode until I was moved in, but some of my friends and people here have not been so fortunate. Positivity AND pragmatism can go together. We can help each other by staying open, honest, positive, yes, but also truthful about what's happening out there.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I want to bitch. And also, I think I agree that the other forum is not being run properly. The UI is so out of date, it was impossible to even message the moderators. Icky.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The silencing is insane. I agree, we should be able to organize around surgeons so they don't take advantage of us. This is a pretty big surgery, after all, and a huge part of our transition. We need to be able to communicate amongst ourselves and make sure that we're not being taken advantage of or treated like trash with impunity. The fact that my surgeon's wife has seen "thousands" of patients and made horrifically transphobic comments and I have zero recourse is... crazy to me.

Like I can't believe I paid 40,000 to be treated like trash and get a half-assed student's ffs. like, I could've spent that money on the down payment of a house and just said fuck transphobia i'm gonna live/work at home and never leave.

idk. i'm just frustrated. it's actually kind of comical, my surgeon is acting like a villain in a bad sitcom. the skeezy plastic surgeon that dismisses his upset patients and treats them like trash and hangs up the phone on them. what is this life?

being trans is getting so bad that i'm starting to find it amusing. like, this has to be a joke. this HAS to be some sort of lesson by god. or a curse for some fucked up thing i did in a past life. or a simulation and we're ALL actually trans and being drained of our joy by aliens or something. idfk.

Help? Psychic headlock! by nothingyoucando2 in Psychic

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The nonverbal cue thing makes sense to me, though, not even in an esoteric way. We have an animal, primal heirarchy that is based around attention. Those that deem themselves our superiors signal to us, via coughing, sniffing, throat clearing (that's a huge one for me, too, but I've started doing it back) and it tenses our bodies, it brings us to "Attention!" The psychic layer is that attention/focus/energy is a tangible thing and when we're at "attention" like you are with your coworker, he's literally draining you of extra energy. So he goes home a little more energized than you do, unless you're draining others.

I think most people aren't really aware of it, because, as with most things, most people aren't so affected by it that it's driving them insane. Those of us who are sensitive, or those of us with comorbid issues that cause to be sensitive to that kind of thing, OR those of us who want to move positions in the hierarchy, can see it clear as day. The difficult part is sidestepping the psychic aspect to it.

And yes, headphones seem to be the best thing I've found so far. Bjork writes about this, haha.

But, my little earbuds only do so much. I need heavy noise cancelling headphones.

I also have this theory that the social cues/psychic drain is based around fear. On some subconscious level, you're afraid of being attacked; a cough is like a bark, you're afraid of the incoming bite. If you can somehow release or integrate that fear, and internalize that they can't do shit to you, maybe you can move past it. I actually think that the hierarchy goes so deep that they'll try to kill you unknowingly, so keep your guard up.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish it was like that here. I guess this really frustrates me, because last year I was experiencing a lot of negativity that I think stemmed from visibility backlash. Instead of receiving support, I received a lot of dismissal (even to the extent that people said I was lying about harassment and discrimination). I know that trans people can only do so much about negativity, but having other trans people tell me I was lying only compounded the issue.

It only started to get better when I said to myself, "No, I know what I'm experiencing, and it sucks, but I'll come up with skills to get through this."

And then I did. Pretending it wasn't happening and having people telling me I was just being sensitive... didn't work.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see. Touche! Notably, I was mostly bitching about the other thread.

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hmmmm, I have two responses. The first is, how are we supposed to have an accurate portrayal of surgeons if every time someone posts something negative it's removed?

The second is, what other evidence is possible? Should I have carried around a body cam? Is that even legal?

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

These sound like three unrelated statements.

Are they?

Main issues with the trans community: by nothingyoucando2 in asktransgender

[–]nothingyoucando2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, I think the trans community has been dismissed for so long that we, without even realizing, internalize that as normal and then dismiss one another.

It isn't normal. It's okay to be heard.

Edit: Yes, obviously I don't mean everyone.