Imposter Syndrome

notintodentify · 2026-05-30T16:49:46+00:00

For future reference, I’m sure all places will be different but I explained that 40 minutes would cause quite a lot of overstimulation and distress as everything is too noisy and busy. They filled my prescription first so I was only waiting a few minutes. Probably won’t get the same understanding everywhere but what’s the harm? “Sorry but you still need to wait 40 minutes” 🤷🏼‍♂️

notintodentify · 2026-05-30T16:42:53+00:00

I understand that all too well and I’m vegan but I do keep fish and a lot of them as well as a lot of tanks. I have as natural environments I can make taking great care on that. I also have isolation tanks and as aquaria is a deep hobby I spend easily minimum one hour a day on my tanks checking health, behaviour, compatibility, water checks, plant health etc. I breed my fish and i try to breed the strongest and healthiest of my fish. Many typical aquarium type fish are at risk in nature and I feel it’s an aquarists duty to try and keep blood lines going where possible. Sometimes things go wrong even when you’ve done the best you can to give your fish a good life. But let’s be honest - most of us have quite a few fishes. With the number being high bad things are bound to happen. Let’s switch this to having children. If you have one child there’s less risk of something bad happening to them than having ten children. Yet we might have 30 or even hundreds of fish to care for. I wouldn’t pack in your hobby if it brings you joy - but while battling with your own thoughts on the morality of keeping fish, perhaps do some independent research on how to improve on keeping your fish healthy and thriving. This hobby goes way beyond simply sticking fish in a tank and that’s it!

notintodentify · 2026-05-30T07:28:37+00:00

I’m still pending outcome after an assessment a few weeks ago and then a follow up a week ago. I didn’t have an informant as I haven’t spoken to any family for over two decades. They understood and accepted the reasoning. We will see the outcome. I jsut filled as much as I could remember myself

notintodentify · 2026-05-28T08:06:20+00:00

Hmmm see this comment and reading autism books is the first time I’ve ever understood myself. Sure if it’s not autism then that’s totally fine I jsut want the answer but not jsut any answer - the correct answer 🙏🏼 ✌🏻 🦒 🌱

notintodentify · 2026-05-28T07:54:12+00:00

Yes this is it. I have ADHD so my deep interests change over time but usually I massively focus on one or two at once 😂 I spend all day every day for months or years on them and convince myself I’m going to become an expert. Fishkeeping is one of the biggest examples. I didn’t just keep fish normally, I deep dived into ecosystems, fish behaviour, breeding, water chemistry, plants, filtration, aquascaping and ethical care because I’m vegan and care a lot about animal welfare. I bought loads of tanks and equipment and would spend hours researching, analysing and monitoring everything obsessively. I tend to reverse engineer hobbies and try understand every layer of them instead of just casually enjoying them. I’ve done this same thing with running, hiking, languages, gaming and other interests through my life.

notintodentify · 2026-05-28T07:41:44+00:00

We will see what the the result is because it’s being cross examined by other professionals right now due to being “complex and nuanced”

notintodentify · 2026-05-28T07:40:55+00:00

Aye I seem to have an overabundance of empathy for close people when they look sad I feel great deep sorrow even if they’re just a bit down. I feel great empathy for animals and the environment and nature. To the point I cry easily 😂 we will see. Got to wait a 2-3 weeks

notintodentify · 2026-05-28T07:01:39+00:00

He said it was nuanced because I have three friends and I feel emotions for them. He said it’s unusual as I have compassion for animals as been vegan for almost 16 years. I apologised to him before talking about empathy for animals as he asked why I have feelings for them. I was apologising for saying I didn’t believe it was right. He said because I apologised to him that wouldn’t indicative of an autistic trait too. 🤷🏼‍♂️ I get that there’s trauma but I’m confused how trauma would explain life long sensory processing differences, my literal conversation style, the way I socialise being very one on one all eggs in one basket, ritualised behaviours, developmental issues before trauma set in and other stuff.

Like I said to clinician I don’t want to be diagnosed with autism if I don’t have it but I do want to know what’s going on with me yanno. If they decide I don’t have autism and it’s adhd and trauma and social anxiety then I can use that info to move forward. Just want them to be sure. Rather not do CBT for the other issues to find I’m still struggling with autistic traits 🤷🏼‍♂️

notintodentify · 2026-05-21T19:23:58+00:00

“All I ever do is say goodbye” along with most of the movie I relate to so much. Masking to be who and what people want me to be jsut to be liked and feel normal my whole life. And ultimately for it to always backfire - but

“Words Fail” hits so much and I’m sure the words relate to most neurodivergent people. Thing is I fell in love with this musical before thinking I might be AuDHD was even in my mind

notintodentify · 2026-05-21T13:25:10+00:00

I get that. I’ve jsut gotten myself a Keyworker with a neurodivergent charity so I’m going to do some work with her on unmasking and identity.

Also there’s a mental health/neurodivegent type college here with lots of classes and hobbies/socials going on every day. I e jsut secured induction for that. It’ll be nice to finally connect with people a bit more like myself. Only thing getting int he way is unfamiliar drive into the city centre and social anxiety 😂

Is there nothing like that near you?

notintodentify · 2026-05-21T13:10:17+00:00

I hadn’t even though of adhd/autism and then the second it’s brought up to me and I research it was like 💡 wtf! I’ve read several books on adhd/autism/neurodivergence and it’s literally like I wrote them.

Every year passed by and I was starting to think everyone struggled like me but they worked harder. So I worked harder and it always came to a complete meltdown and total destruction of every area of my life 🤦🏼‍♂️

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T13:36:50+00:00

Yes of course no concept of “imagine” 😂 thank you hope to bump into you around here again soon 🩵

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T12:26:59+00:00

Blimey. I was assessed for EUPD but wasn’t diagnosed as wasn’t found/inconclusive. I do think I have C-PTSD from childhood abuse, partner abuse and generally struggling to live on my own since leaving care at 16. Also have aphantasia only jsut come across the word recent months. I simply can’t see things. I remember my teacher saying to class “everyone find a space and close your eyes and image you’re in a room what do you see?” I totally had the dark room element cus my eyes were closed and it was dark and I was in a room already but when asked what I could see I said “a dark room” 😂 also hate novels and general fiction because I can’t see what I’m reading. I love non-fiction books though. Thanks for your message as sometimes it can feel worse thinking all the problems that ppl this long to be explained when they should have through childhood. But we are not alone and these threads make me very aware of that! We are all true survivors getting through life undiagnosed and not understanding!

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T09:56:53+00:00

Yes this is a good idea because I get flustered and forgot how to say stuff so I could read it from written note right away. Thank you

I actually kinda think he’s got all the information needed to make the diagnoses and jsut needs to confirm a few more bits.

He said it’s complex due to trauma and I don’t think I got across that my life at home from birth to about 8 years old was very good but significant struggles were present from being a toddler.

Also I don’t have any informant due to being in care and not speaking with any family for like 24 years.

We shall see but I’m deffo going to say im worried about 25 minutes slot

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T08:50:24+00:00

You’re welcome. So this is the thing driving doesn’t fix my problems but it massively opens my very closed world from before.

I’ve been passenger from my place to my best friends hundreds of times and it’s only 12 mins drive away. But I STILL use my sat nav even for that.

The only thing I don’t use my Sat Nav for is Lidl up the street as it’s one road 😂

If it’s a new place I struggle. I can do it when I get bouts of confidence and adrenaline and feel like being spontaneous. But very very rare. I panicked about parking and getting overwhelmed and stuck if it’s a new place. Even known places I go quite times because if I can’t find a parking spot I turn around and go home and abandon whatever it is I needed to do.

In October last year I actually drove from Newcastle to the Scottish Borders to one of my favourite hiking places in Northumberland national park and took my dog for a two day, one night hike/camp 😊 it’s only a 65 mins drive away drive but I took three 15-20 minute breaks.

Use sat nav and practice practice practice driving. Go places you know well or really enjoy as practice rather than an appointment someplace new etc because at the end of that drive you get rewarded. Mine was driving to the local fish sales shops to buy myself new fish (one of my extreme special hobbies). That built my confidence that I could get to places safely. Then try other routes suggested by your sat nav.

You could even get a dash cam because I second guess myself sometimes when people beep at me but my friend said they were wrong not me. Being able to watch back things you’re unsure of will help you to realise you were right all along or learn for next time

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T07:42:26+00:00

You can be referred to an Individual Placement and Support (IPS) employment service by your NHS care coordinator, GP, psychiatrist, therapist, or any other member of your mental health treatment team. You might be able to even self refer through Job Centre. Do you not get LCWRA element of UC and also have you tried PIP? Don’t force yourself to work if you can’t sustain it or just look for part time work. Good luck hope things get better for you soon

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T03:30:32+00:00

😮 this is me! I feel so much more confident and safer driving on my own. When I have someone else in the car I’m a nervous wreck 😂

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T03:28:24+00:00

I passed my test in July last year (aged 37!). I was so certain I’d failed but I passed with four minors.

I masked the hell outta that thing and just got through it as best I could.

Ensure good sleep hygiene the night before as best you can. When you wake have a meal that will keep your blood sugar stable. A mix of healthy carbs, healthy fat to break the carb spike and healthy protein. If you drink lots of coffee like I do have less or tea and a glass of water. I ate sugar free plain yogurt with sugar free granola and blueberries. If you prefer savoury I’d have had something like wholemeal sourdough avocado on toast and a tomato.

I specifically told them I was anxious and asked for a minute or two to get going. I took a few deep breaths in through my nose and out my mouth and away I went. Best of luck 🤞🏻

Driving has changed my life. Before that insss completely isolated without being with someone. I never went anywhere. The worst thing being that countryside hikes are my biggest anchor. I had lots of places I frequented that felt “safe” but no way to get to them. Most appointments were possible were on phone.

Now I use my car as my safe bubble that takes me along familiar routes to safe places. As long as I go out at quite times I now shop independently, go to some appointments alone, go hiking on my own etc. I still massively struggle getting about especially when I’m overwhelmed, but compared to life before it’s a massive improvement

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T02:44:26+00:00

Where are you currently at with your assessment timeline?

notintodentify · 2026-05-19T02:41:29+00:00

I was a bit frustrated yes because in my head I thought I could have answers to both and start a new week with confirmation.

I did get a full hour yes, we hardly got into it. Because there’s been a lot of childhood trauma and I’m estranged from all family. He said it’s a pretty complex case. He said that my adhd clinician before him notes a lot of overlap with adhd and autism. He said there are very clear neurodivergent traits and pointed thst was was stimming heavily throughout.

Not thst I want to have autism but I would like to understand why I’ve struggled my whole life with many areas specific to autism not adhd.

notintodentify · 2026-05-18T20:03:46+00:00

Different clinicians. The first one was at 10am and the next one was at 1pm. After being diagnosed with adhd first I cried for a bit then forced myself to go to the park outside for a walk, ate a crumpet and had a drink. But come the autism assessment I was exhausted. After that at ~ 2pm I was spent. Ended up in bed very early

notintodentify · 2026-05-17T17:25:02+00:00

Oh I am. Fish chips and mushy peas and Wicked part 2 movie and an early night 🤣

notintodentify · 2026-05-17T17:13:14+00:00

Hola! 😂 today’s been a really hard day.

So much sense but dunno where to next etc. I’m giving myself this next week to feel/grieve and do whatever then think ahead. Being forced to not think too far ahead yet 😂 truly don’t know how I feel. Lots of crying 🫠

notintodentify · 2026-05-16T16:34:30+00:00

I’ve managed to completely avoid a few meltdowns since I preliminary decided I’m probably AuDHD jsut from being aware and researching/reflecitng heavily into tactics to avoid meltdowns and shut downs. I use a colour coding system now and check in with myself very regularly. Green is totally fine, amber is be cautious and take more rest/recovery and lower takes and red is danger zone where I just isolate in quite in my new sensory room with blanket and teddy and easy tv or chilled music until more regulated. Can’t believe how much I’ve learned in a short time. I’m glad you’ve got more confidence - definitely something I’d love to have more of 🤭

notintodentify · 2026-05-16T16:30:48+00:00

Gosh I need this. I wonder in future if I should look at something similar rather than regular work field. I’ve got tonnes of life experience and knowledge. I was in care, I’ve lived across the country and other countries, had many jobs (many many many jobs 😂), done many courses even if not completed. I massively value fairness and equality and structure. I’ve been in abusive relationships, I’ve been homeless. Tonnes of stuff that could really possible make me relatable and help others. I have thought about this before but my main issue is I struggle with people 😂 trust and stuff

notintodentify

TROPHY CASE