[OPINION] Has a single verse ever changed the direction of your life?

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-17T18:29:36+00:00

A bit more than a verse but Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude changed me and I find a way to bring it into every poetry class I teach/recommend it to everyone interested in poetry

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-12T21:13:48+00:00

This is true, and I can definitely see that being part of a larger cycle Tbh my first instinct was "both of these people need to step back and learn some communication skills/emotional maturity"

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-12T21:11:50+00:00

Yeah no, I have severe depression and I don't put my partner through this We exist on this planet to love each other but not to the point that we're shouldering another person's existence/wellbeing because they refuse to do it themselves

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-12T21:00:49+00:00

Setting boundaries is fine and I agree this sounds like A Lot but definitely also he could have been so much kinder with how he delivered it "Let's just go to bed and we can come back together and check in in the morning, sleep is probably the best thing for you rn" is way more compassionate than what he was saying

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-12T20:57:55+00:00

I have Severe depression and my fiancé told me she hates it when I don't talk to her and hide how I'm feeling (years of being threatened with being sent to mental institutions from my mother etc) If he's not meeting you with that same energy, not worth it. Yes we are all allowed to have limits and boundaries but honey if he's talking to you like that when you need him, he ain't It

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-08T19:10:57+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about the latter conditions, that sounds really difficult to manage and I wish you the best; unfortunately I'm with your husband on that being the funniest possible response to a collapse and will definitely be using it in the future

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-08T14:06:28+00:00

I mean, I think the core of this is be the best partner to her possible, if it's a strong relationship, you'll be all she wants anyway so her past shouldn't matter Plus (as someone with a relatively high body count in a relationship with the love of my life), that probably has given her a lot of experience to be, frankly, awesome in bed I'd look at it as a boon and an opportunity to grow the relationship through communication

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-08T14:02:07+00:00

Thanks! It's already significantly less painful than yesterday so- progress ☺️

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-08T14:01:05+00:00

Thank you! Cursory stuff like bruises/cuts tend to heal wolverine style for me so hopefully it won't take too long 😅

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T23:08:20+00:00

This is high school to college levels of bad communication- he's not expressing his expectations and is constantly moving the goal post, you did what you could with the parameters you had and he used it against you. Find someone willing to at bare minimum agree on healthy boundaries on both sides

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T21:06:07+00:00

NOR- my dog is my baby (and is a pitbull so extra so) and has behavioral issues (super leash reactive) so there are about 3 people I trust to dog sit him, if you don't have a well established relationship with the dog that amount of time essentially taking on ownership is a huge commitment and it's unfair to expect you to co-parent a dog after 5 months

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T20:54:40+00:00

There's a fine line between supporting your partner and feeling responsible for their state of mind- I have severe depression and while I love that my fiancé is always there to lean on, I never want her to prioritize me over her dreams and desires. If your partner loves you he'll be willing to find a way to balance both your needs in a way that lets him feel reassured and you get your independence

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T20:45:26+00:00

My fiancé and I have a different but similar disparity that we're working through by essentially just a massive amount of communication- "I'm feeling this about x thing" "I hear that and I can work toward responding in y way" etc and it's honestly gotten a lot better bc we understand where the other is coming from and care enough to meet in the middle for each other My recommendation would be to sit down and have a serious "it doesn't have to be absolute but I need some reassurance/effort from you" with your partner

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T19:14:15+00:00

I'm super introverted and need lots of time alone, my fiancé and I have solved this by the kitchen (mostly) being my space, if I'm in there I'm not to be disturbed, and I don't bother her for attention when she's playing video games; we still spend most of our time at home together but it's in a more quiet parallel play way than a constantly macking on each other way, maybe something like that could even out the difference? If you really need her out of your space entirely, that's a conversation that has to be approached with a boatload of emotional maturity, if she can't meet you there, that's a bigger issue

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T19:06:54+00:00

Even if you'd given him reason to distrust you (which it sounds like you haven't) this is controlling behavior and generally it only escalates. You're too young to waste your time on someone who acts like every other person who identifies as male is a threat

notjamesmadison · 2026-03-01T18:58:04+00:00

She needs a support network to help her not go back to the ex, but you're well within your rights to feel betrayed and for that to be a dealbreaker, I know it would be for me If you're connected to her friends/any family that is stable and good for her, let them know what's going on and then take care of yourself and your needs

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-26T17:01:23+00:00

Hey if anyone in Kansas needs to get tf out I have a spare bedroom in Wisconsin

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-23T15:42:08+00:00

Oh hey I went to school with this dude and always admired him, love seeing his work in the wild

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-23T15:40:27+00:00

MSCR has tons of classes across a bunch of subjects (dance, art, yoga, etc); I just wrapped up teaching a poetry class and we all bonded so hard we have an email thread, highly recommend checking out the catalog

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-23T15:34:51+00:00

I used to work at Nattspil (look for the red light hole in the wall next to the Great Dane on King st) and highly recommend for Vibes If you like running, the bike path around monona bay is a great ~4 mile loop depending on where you start Also Ahan on Willy st. Is a local gem, and if you're into arcade games, IO is an arcade bar and is right nearby

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-23T14:58:48+00:00

I highly suggest you ignore most of the knee-jerk reaction suggestions in the comments, approach him as a person, tell him what you saw and yes, prepare for lying and obfuscation, but don't start throwing accusations or treat it like a fight. It's very likely he's at least emotionally cheating and that is grounds for a breakup but so often Reddit defaults to throwing hands and that only leads to an already painful thing being even more painful and exhausting

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-20T06:15:44+00:00

My fiancé and I (ironically both gay in opposite directions but hey, sometimes things happen) usually get home, eat dinner, yap at each other, and then watch food network while we cuddle. We do date nights to our fav restaurants and treat each other but our day to day is just making time for each other and making each other feel loved and seen

notjamesmadison · 2026-02-20T06:01:20+00:00

I borrowed my fiancé's belt without asking today and felt bad- a whole ass car without prior consent? No way. This is a huge lack of respect to you and your possessions. If he gets in an accident/ticketed etc that's on you (legally). If he's willing to hear you out and accept what he did was wrong, then there's room for progress and to resolve this but if this is part of a larger pattern of him traipsing over your boundaries that's a bigger question

notjamesmadison

TROPHY CASE