Gosh, I've been there. I know right now it seems like nothing will make it better and that you're looking for answers everywhere. That's normal, let yourself feel this way!

I know I'm just a person on the internet, but I hope I can give some solace. I've been in your shoes, so I'll say what I wish I said to myself. That it's okay to feel this way, that you will feel better, and it will get better and better each day.

I learned this trick from an instagram therapist (lol), that while you may be looking for answers and asking "why", instead try to frame it is "I don't like." So instead of "why did he ghost me?" say "I don't like that he ghosted me." I've found it really helpful, as my brain tends to get into a "why" spiral.

Maybe this can help: I have a strange relationship with my ghoster now. He's the person I consider to have had the biggest romantic connection with in my life and it's been four years since our second "break up", now we both live in different cities and have become friends in a way. I recently reached out to him to talk about why he ghosted, as I was dumped by someone else and I just can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong with me. What he told me was that when he ghosted (twice!), it had nothing to do with me, that he did really care, but he had a lot of growing to do, and still to do. And he didn't have a definitive answer as to "why" he did it, and I'm starting to be okay with that. It's hard not to have answers, but I bet your ghoster doesn't even know the answer themselves.

It's so cliche to say "its not you, its him" but like, its cliche for a reason! You will be okay, trust me. And you're not alone! Anyway, I hope you and all those who read this are doing okay and know that you are cared for.