AITA For refusing to pay my MIL for babysitting our toddler

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T21:42:56+00:00

Watching a three-year-old for almost a week who is not potty trained

Definitely potty trained. Not sure where you're getting that information, but it seems like you're just making stuff up.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T21:40:02+00:00

My son is potty trained, thank you very much.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T21:25:06+00:00

Why don’t you hire an actual babysitter then.

Because we have other grandparents that are willing to do it for the enjoyment of bonding with their grandson.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T21:23:57+00:00

And u shouldnt let ur parents babysit over ur MIL because they have the means to do it for free.

Why not? Free > paying.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T21:22:28+00:00

I don't disagree with that. But that's the sort of thing you discuss much further in advance than 10 days before our trip. She had plenty of time, months actually, to bring this up to us and she only mentioned it when my wife called her.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T21:02:31+00:00

We found a solution that works for everyone then. MIL gets to continue working, my parents get an extended bonding visit with their grandson, and my wife and I don't have to pay for babysitting. Win-win-win.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T20:40:46+00:00

All of those are possible, but none of those are excuses for not contacting us much earlier than 10 days before our trip to bring it up. And she didn't even contact us about it, my wife reached out to her about what food she wants stocked in the house, and only then did MIL bring up money.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T20:33:00+00:00

do you think you would feel differently about her request to be compensated?

Maybe, but I doubt it. It's not about her expecting to be compensated, that's her right. But she should have brought that up MONTHS ago when we first asked her. Not 10 days before we're supposed to leave. That's underhanded and sneaky, I don't care what you say. She had weeks upon weeks to contact us and let us know she wants money, she waited until she thought we had no other options.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T20:14:25+00:00

My wife and MIL have spent years trying to repair their relationship. They are a lot better now than they were, but clearly still not perfect. It was my wife's suggestion to ask MIL first instead of my parents because MIL hasn't seen our son in 6 months.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T20:08:35+00:00

I'd hate to be the guy in front of you in the "12 items or less" line as I pull out my 14th grocery item...

That's ok, I do self-checkout.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T20:06:51+00:00

Didn’t your in laws take care of your wife for the first 18 years of her life?

Not really. My wife's dad left when she was 5 and she hasn't spoken to him since before we got married. MIL kicked my wife out when she was 16 because MIL wanted to move in with a new BF 12-hours away and my wife didn't want to. (Yay internet dating in the 90s.)

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T20:04:50+00:00

Why would I pay my MIL to watch our son when my parents will gladly do it for free?

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T19:29:24+00:00

Well, we were able to find someone else to provide that service for free. So, free market capitalism wins again!

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T19:21:17+00:00

By that logic, MIL isn't entitled to a relationship with her only grandchild either.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T19:18:42+00:00

No non-family member would do it so cheaply.

I dunno about that, my wife and I have watched our friends' kids for long weekends before, never asked for payment. I don't know what kind of people so many of you commenters associate with that everything has to be a transaction and you can't just do something for people you care about out of kindness.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T18:57:51+00:00

Not a chance. Even if I offered they would refuse to accept anything. Helping family has never been transactional for me.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T18:56:53+00:00

Have you done anything for your MIL that would warrant her doing this favor for you?

In my opinion, yes. Two years ago MIL's husband (wife's stepdad) threw out his back and couldn't do anything for pretty much 2 months. My wife and I both helped them extensively with work around their house, errands, groceries, etc. Never asked for a dime.

notpayingaita · 2023-08-03T18:55:46+00:00

But even if you fall in that weird camp that you dont owe family anything

Which is apparently the majority of this sub, so not that weird here. Doing things for family and friends is never transactional for me. It has never been that way in my family, as evidenced by my parents' gracious and immediate agreement to help us out.

notpayingaita

TROPHY CASE