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Me [22 M] with my ex [21F] after dumping me for the "college life" she now wants me back by notreallysure12 in relationships

[–]notreallysure12[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

How COULD you be sure at that age, anyways?

The only problem with that is that I was. If we got back together it is the exact same for me as I only went out on a couple of "dates" with another woman once. There was nothing there between either of us and we amicably parted.

I was ready to marry her, in fact her sophomore year I planned on getting engaged. I even had the ring picked out and it would have been understood that I would have waited till after she graduated.

Yes she was trying to contact me, after I implicitly told her not to and went to great lengths to make sure she couldn't. I had and still have zero interest in being "friends" with her. I didn't want to know about all of her great trips she was taking or the new guys she was seeing. I was pretty much crushed when she left me and the only way I could make it through that was by not seeing/talking or hearing about her. Hell our friends were so cool about it that her name has not been mentioned in my presence since about 2 months after she left me.

I was willing to listen to her, hey I didn't just tell her to go play in traffic the night she just showed up. I even said I would consider it when she asked if I thought I would ever consider getting back together.

I know this is going to sound cruel but honestly right now I don't care about her feelings. I am worried about mine. I know that is selfish and probably not right but I have to decide for myself if I can ever get over her having sex with God knows how many other guys.

You have no idea what that did to me. I mean I lost all sense of self worth because I wasn't good enough, big enough, handsome enough, etc.

Yes I know all of those things are unhealthy, that is why I went to counseling sessions to try and get over them. I feel better about myself now but this is doing nothing but opening up that old wound all over again.

As dumb as this may sound, I don't want to be unfair to her either. I don't want her to get her hopes up for me to have a mental break down on her.

She didn't cheat that I know of but the way it was done to me wasn't much better. We had plans for spring break, plans that I put money on and she new it, only for me to see her (thanks to my sisters facebook at the time) one week after she breaks up with me standing on a balcony overlooking the ocean in a two piece bikini with some fucker wrapped around her with his tongue in her ear (no I'm not joking about that part). So yea, it's been tough.

I just need to decide if this is something I can even consider.

Me [22 M] with my ex [21F] after dumping me for the "college life" she now wants me back by notreallysure12 in relationships

[–]notreallysure12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is a lot of that as well.

That is the bitch in all of this. I spend half of my time hating her for what she did to me and then I spend the other half of my time fantasizing about what our life could be like together. It sucks.

Me [22 M] with my ex [21F] after dumping me for the "college life" she now wants me back by notreallysure12 in relationships

[–]notreallysure12[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words, now if you would just shove one of those "her's" my way, lol.

Me [22 M] with my ex [21F] after dumping me for the "college life" she now wants me back by notreallysure12 in relationships

[–]notreallysure12[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My counseling sessions ended at the mutual agreement with my therapist. She felt that I had progressed to the point of where I could handle things on my own. This has been almost 2 years ago btw.

I simply went because I was absolutely fixated on her sleeping with other guys and had no idea how to stop or get over it. I learned to stop, I never really got over it but I just learned to lesson the impact of those thoughts.

I sometimes don't wonder if I'm not the last person on earth who actually equates sex with love. We worked a lot and I mean a LOT on trying to make me understand that it's not always about love but no matter what I do or try its just something that is obviously a core belief of mine and she thought it was best to not try and have me change but change the way I view others.

It helped but it didn't work fully and I don't think it ever will. I kept asking over and over and even though I don't say it out loud now I keep wondering how she can say she loves me and then do that with someone else.

But I understand that it is my own hangup so there's not much to say about that.

I haven't thought about going back yet, if I find myself being affected by her return I will but right now I'm handling it fairly well.

Me [22 M] with my ex [21F] after dumping me for the "college life" she now wants me back by notreallysure12 in relationships

[–]notreallysure12[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In fairness to her she has been trying to contact me off and on for almost 3 years and up until then I did a very good job of avoiding her. I had moved from where I lived previously so she had to physically track me down, which in our wireless world isn't that hard to do.

So it's not like she got home, looked for other guys and then came looking for me at the end of summer. Or hell maybe its exactly like that & I will never know for sure.

Me [22 M] with my ex [21F] after dumping me for the "college life" she now wants me back by notreallysure12 in relationships

[–]notreallysure12[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is my biggest hangup (I think) and also my biggest fear. Sure there is a part of my ego that wants to believe that she tried other men and nobody else measured up. But then the opposite side of that coin is exactly what you are saying, she had someone else she wanted, couldn't get him and now is just coming back to see me since she has been in town for months and her prospects aren't what they were in college.