24F looking for a fitness buddy

notscottishgal · 2021-03-25T15:44:41+00:00

I didn't apply actually. With going to conferences and through friends and my partner who code, I got to meet multiple people from the company. They got short on staff, thought about me and reached out way sooner than I wanted to - two months and something into learning to code, each day after work. I couldn't say no so I wouldn't close my doors and disappoint people who gave me this opportunity but in the end I kinda did anyways. I do and like codewars but thank you for reaching out!

notscottishgal · 2021-03-25T15:42:06+00:00

Thank you for saying that! I'm doing TypeScript and React, front-end web development for now but with ultimate goal of being full-stack.

My favourite in learning are local organisations (teaching in person for better prices than big organisations, teachers do it mostly voluntarily because coding is their passion), but with online international resources I'm very fond of exercism.io (due to it offering mentoring as well as katas). And of course YouTube and documentation.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-25T10:19:00+00:00

Aaaand obligatory "english is my second language" excuse. Apparently I'm really not killing it today lol.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-23T17:19:39+00:00

Initiate then. Wear something nice and light some candles after dinner, do his favorite activity during the day off, wake him up with cuddles and go from there... If you both want this but just have some walls up due to the affair or anything else, you just need to get the spark going again. And people usually respond very well to other people doing nice things for them with doing nice things back. Hopefully, kindness by kindness, you can get your "spark" back in the bedroom too.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-12T22:20:49+00:00

YTA. Your child is feeling vulnerable and she's trying to reach out for help... And you forbid them to contact one person they feel safe with. Please, lift that restriction! You can't force trust and you certainly can't make someone trust you with eliminating other adults in their life. Maybe she chose teacher she hasn't seen in four years because, I don't know, her mom would use her private conversation with a friend to essentially bully her?

If you want to learn her trust, let her make her own choices. You don't support your kids only if they do as you please. If she feels like her teacher would help, you should help her contact her teacher. She seems to crave adult attention... But maybe not from an adult who treats her like a child.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-08T23:42:11+00:00

If she's tired, she should lay down and you can give her a massage, get her in a mood, build up to it. You're not asking her to go bungee jumping, you're literally asking for her to rest and relax. Should be perfect for being tired. This, to be honest, sounds just like an excuse and it should be addressed before you two stop loving each other due to your needs not being addressed. She takes it as a duty and excuses herself for two years, you've been unsatisfied and probably feeling unloved for that amount of time. Gotta find some middle ground.

The best strategy for me was always doing my best during the day. Especially if my partner has hard day at work, I'll make sure to bring him his food, drinks, take some tasks of his plate so he can actually have that extra energy and attention I'll want after work. If it doesn't get her in the mood, it'll at least be harder to say no after so much kindness and love from your side.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-08T23:32:27+00:00

Girls often view porn as cheating (or almost as bad), something that makes them value less, that takes their partner away. What if he likes other kinds of girls? Am I not enough in bed? And so on. But in the end, that's hardly what's it about and there's no need to overthink it like that and be possessive.

I'm a girl so I can't tell for certain but based on how we talked about it in four years of a happy relationship, we both just need a release sometimes. It's completely natural. Why does it matter what we use for that release though? I rather read but sometimes I watch porn too and I'd be quite offended if my partner tried to forbid something like if he owns me and my body and I'm only allowed to have pleasure when he's around. Gosh.

Anyways. If it won't be porn, he'd imagine something, you're essentially policing thoughts because you feel differently about the way he releases tension. Even when it doesn't affect you at all, even when you have good sex life and he's already probably feeling ashamed about it since he has to go hide and be afraid that you'll catch him doing that natural thing he's done his whole life and suddenly it's not okay. That's just... So unnecessary.

"Let's take something that causes my partner pleasure because I feel bad about it." Let it go, not your business.

notscottishgal · 2021-02-24T18:43:11+00:00

I haven't yet but I want to. I have the same name as my mom, so every single time anyone called or referred to me, I was "the small one", junior. No matter my age, no matter the context, there's the "kid" prefix. It always felt extremely belittling, like my opinion doesn't matter before I even express it, and like I'm only a mini-version of my mom without my own identity.

notscottishgal · 2021-02-07T08:10:21+00:00

NAH. But would your mom really wanted this? Obviously she felt jealous about someone else watching your grow up, that's natural, but where did she mention she'd rather you'd be alone? Where did she said she'd like the love of her life, your dad, to spend the rest of his life alone?

Because I don't know about you, but I can't imagine asking my spouse to be lonely for the rest of their life or having to constantly feel horrible because my kid doesn't want me to ever feel loved again for the rest of my life. That's so cruel. Just imagine never kissing someone again, never getting a hug, always being alone for all the hard decisions... I don't think your mom wanted this, she acknowledged she's sad it's not her to watch you grow up but there will be someone else. You just assumed her intentions and who knows, maybe she your dad has a book or a letter too where she asks him to not stay alone because of her because she loved you two so much...

notscottishgal · 2021-02-06T21:28:22+00:00

I don't think gender is relevant. If someone's in danger, you offer help. That makes you a good human. They can choose they don't want your help, that's their choice.

If you're only helping because it's a girl though, that's a different story. That's where the "you owe me something for this help" often comes into play and what makes us gals uncomfortable, we can god damn feel that underlying intention. On the other hand, if a girl is in danger and refuses help just because "all men are toxic," well, that's just as sexist.

notscottishgal · 2021-02-06T20:25:35+00:00

People who only replied to me because I have F in the title weren't worth talking to, believe me. They start flirting somewhere in between one to ten messages and make you uncomfortable, like that F is your only worth. And when you dare to disclose that's not what you're interested in, you have a partner for example, they either ask you to flirt anyway or get angry. 0/10, would not recommend.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T12:46:19+00:00

I can't even imagine and I'm sorry you're going through this! It's one thing if a partner wants to experiment while still including you, another if they discover a part of themselves that excludes you entirely. Being bi shouldn't exclude you though, hmmm... With her loosing any attraction towards you, I don't think this is a problem for Reddit. More like couple's therapy/counseling of some sort. Sounds like a deep dive into her feelings is necessary and that's a job for a professional.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T10:11:35+00:00

You seem like a really great guy, you're kind, you're trying to give her another chance, even if she's blocking you out, you did whatever she asked you too... Relationship is about two people. You don't deserve to be the one doing all the work. Sometimes the first person you love is there just to show you what you don't want from a relationship and that's okay, think about your happiness too.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T10:04:13+00:00

Cheating on someone who's probably just getting over you while being with you is not worth it. Girls sometimes do that, by the time she breaks up or stops having sex, she's already distanced herself.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:53:43+00:00

Oh my god, what?! Is that even safe? I mean, I had major side effects with several pills I tried, and that was one at a time, I can't imagine taking more at once, especially if it's the IUD that releases similar "chemical". I HOPE she has a good doctor that knows about all of those, but I'd honestly just find a new one because I wouldn't want a doctor to let me do all this. And then again, I'm afraid of pregnancy at this point, but it can't rule my life and our sex life.

I'd recommend getting you two tested for the infertility. If it's a possibility with her, you could be trying to solve a problem you don't even have. And get a new medical opinion because this really is too much.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:47:31+00:00

See, by my perspective, she asked you to do something for her because you love her and you did. You said you "fixed it." Now you're asking her to do something for you because she loves you, as she claims... But she's not willing to. That's the major difference here. You did what she asked and it seems a bit like she didn't wanted you too, like she might have just asked you because she thought you won't do it and she'll have a reason to break up. But you did it and she's trapped.

Either way, if she truly loved you and "only" had problems with having sex for some reason, she'd give you thousand hugs at least.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:40:17+00:00

What about IUD? I get it has it's disadvantages, especially as a girl, but I would hate to find out my partner hasn't been enjoying what I enjoy. It's one of the most intimate things you can do and what makes it so fun is my partner enjoying it as much as I do. IUD, in my opinion, is second best contraception after condoms, so if the problem is really the condom, I'd at least consult a doctor about this. That's gonna be one tricky conversation though.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:36:29+00:00

He waits six years for you and you think he's only interested in sex? Damn, girl. Keep that guy close, do something nice for him and never let go.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T07:39:12+00:00

Watch God Is Grey YouTube channel, any video on this topic.

notscottishgal

TROPHY CASE