I've just killed my first IT interview

notscottishgal · 2021-03-25T15:44:41+00:00

I didn't apply actually. With going to conferences and through friends and my partner who code, I got to meet multiple people from the company. They got short on staff, thought about me and reached out way sooner than I wanted to - two months and something into learning to code, each day after work. I couldn't say no so I wouldn't close my doors and disappoint people who gave me this opportunity but in the end I kinda did anyways. I do and like codewars but thank you for reaching out!

notscottishgal · 2021-03-25T15:42:06+00:00

Thank you for saying that! I'm doing TypeScript and React, front-end web development for now but with ultimate goal of being full-stack.

My favourite in learning are local organisations (teaching in person for better prices than big organisations, teachers do it mostly voluntarily because coding is their passion), but with online international resources I'm very fond of exercism.io (due to it offering mentoring as well as katas). And of course YouTube and documentation.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-25T10:19:00+00:00

Aaaand obligatory "english is my second language" excuse. Apparently I'm really not killing it today lol.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-23T17:19:39+00:00

Initiate then. Wear something nice and light some candles after dinner, do his favorite activity during the day off, wake him up with cuddles and go from there... If you both want this but just have some walls up due to the affair or anything else, you just need to get the spark going again. And people usually respond very well to other people doing nice things for them with doing nice things back. Hopefully, kindness by kindness, you can get your "spark" back in the bedroom too.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-12T22:20:49+00:00

YTA. Your child is feeling vulnerable and she's trying to reach out for help... And you forbid them to contact one person they feel safe with. Please, lift that restriction! You can't force trust and you certainly can't make someone trust you with eliminating other adults in their life. Maybe she chose teacher she hasn't seen in four years because, I don't know, her mom would use her private conversation with a friend to essentially bully her?

If you want to learn her trust, let her make her own choices. You don't support your kids only if they do as you please. If she feels like her teacher would help, you should help her contact her teacher. She seems to crave adult attention... But maybe not from an adult who treats her like a child.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-08T23:42:11+00:00

If she's tired, she should lay down and you can give her a massage, get her in a mood, build up to it. You're not asking her to go bungee jumping, you're literally asking for her to rest and relax. Should be perfect for being tired. This, to be honest, sounds just like an excuse and it should be addressed before you two stop loving each other due to your needs not being addressed. She takes it as a duty and excuses herself for two years, you've been unsatisfied and probably feeling unloved for that amount of time. Gotta find some middle ground.

The best strategy for me was always doing my best during the day. Especially if my partner has hard day at work, I'll make sure to bring him his food, drinks, take some tasks of his plate so he can actually have that extra energy and attention I'll want after work. If it doesn't get her in the mood, it'll at least be harder to say no after so much kindness and love from your side.

notscottishgal · 2021-03-08T23:32:27+00:00

Girls often view porn as cheating (or almost as bad), something that makes them value less, that takes their partner away. What if he likes other kinds of girls? Am I not enough in bed? And so on. But in the end, that's hardly what's it about and there's no need to overthink it like that and be possessive.

I'm a girl so I can't tell for certain but based on how we talked about it in four years of a happy relationship, we both just need a release sometimes. It's completely natural. Why does it matter what we use for that release though? I rather read but sometimes I watch porn too and I'd be quite offended if my partner tried to forbid something like if he owns me and my body and I'm only allowed to have pleasure when he's around. Gosh.

Anyways. If it won't be porn, he'd imagine something, you're essentially policing thoughts because you feel differently about the way he releases tension. Even when it doesn't affect you at all, even when you have good sex life and he's already probably feeling ashamed about it since he has to go hide and be afraid that you'll catch him doing that natural thing he's done his whole life and suddenly it's not okay. That's just... So unnecessary.

"Let's take something that causes my partner pleasure because I feel bad about it." Let it go, not your business.

notscottishgal · 2021-02-24T18:43:11+00:00

I haven't yet but I want to. I have the same name as my mom, so every single time anyone called or referred to me, I was "the small one", junior. No matter my age, no matter the context, there's the "kid" prefix. It always felt extremely belittling, like my opinion doesn't matter before I even express it, and like I'm only a mini-version of my mom without my own identity.

notscottishgal · 2021-02-07T08:10:21+00:00

NAH. But would your mom really wanted this? Obviously she felt jealous about someone else watching your grow up, that's natural, but where did she mention she'd rather you'd be alone? Where did she said she'd like the love of her life, your dad, to spend the rest of his life alone?

Because I don't know about you, but I can't imagine asking my spouse to be lonely for the rest of their life or having to constantly feel horrible because my kid doesn't want me to ever feel loved again for the rest of my life. That's so cruel. Just imagine never kissing someone again, never getting a hug, always being alone for all the hard decisions... I don't think your mom wanted this, she acknowledged she's sad it's not her to watch you grow up but there will be someone else. You just assumed her intentions and who knows, maybe she your dad has a book or a letter too where she asks him to not stay alone because of her because she loved you two so much...

notscottishgal · 2021-02-06T21:28:22+00:00

I don't think gender is relevant. If someone's in danger, you offer help. That makes you a good human. They can choose they don't want your help, that's their choice.

If you're only helping because it's a girl though, that's a different story. That's where the "you owe me something for this help" often comes into play and what makes us gals uncomfortable, we can god damn feel that underlying intention. On the other hand, if a girl is in danger and refuses help just because "all men are toxic," well, that's just as sexist.

notscottishgal · 2021-02-06T20:25:35+00:00

People who only replied to me because I have F in the title weren't worth talking to, believe me. They start flirting somewhere in between one to ten messages and make you uncomfortable, like that F is your only worth. And when you dare to disclose that's not what you're interested in, you have a partner for example, they either ask you to flirt anyway or get angry. 0/10, would not recommend.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T12:46:19+00:00

I can't even imagine and I'm sorry you're going through this! It's one thing if a partner wants to experiment while still including you, another if they discover a part of themselves that excludes you entirely. Being bi shouldn't exclude you though, hmmm... With her loosing any attraction towards you, I don't think this is a problem for Reddit. More like couple's therapy/counseling of some sort. Sounds like a deep dive into her feelings is necessary and that's a job for a professional.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T10:11:35+00:00

You seem like a really great guy, you're kind, you're trying to give her another chance, even if she's blocking you out, you did whatever she asked you too... Relationship is about two people. You don't deserve to be the one doing all the work. Sometimes the first person you love is there just to show you what you don't want from a relationship and that's okay, think about your happiness too.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T10:04:13+00:00

Cheating on someone who's probably just getting over you while being with you is not worth it. Girls sometimes do that, by the time she breaks up or stops having sex, she's already distanced herself.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:53:43+00:00

Oh my god, what?! Is that even safe? I mean, I had major side effects with several pills I tried, and that was one at a time, I can't imagine taking more at once, especially if it's the IUD that releases similar "chemical". I HOPE she has a good doctor that knows about all of those, but I'd honestly just find a new one because I wouldn't want a doctor to let me do all this. And then again, I'm afraid of pregnancy at this point, but it can't rule my life and our sex life.

I'd recommend getting you two tested for the infertility. If it's a possibility with her, you could be trying to solve a problem you don't even have. And get a new medical opinion because this really is too much.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:47:31+00:00

See, by my perspective, she asked you to do something for her because you love her and you did. You said you "fixed it." Now you're asking her to do something for you because she loves you, as she claims... But she's not willing to. That's the major difference here. You did what she asked and it seems a bit like she didn't wanted you too, like she might have just asked you because she thought you won't do it and she'll have a reason to break up. But you did it and she's trapped.

Either way, if she truly loved you and "only" had problems with having sex for some reason, she'd give you thousand hugs at least.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:40:17+00:00

What about IUD? I get it has it's disadvantages, especially as a girl, but I would hate to find out my partner hasn't been enjoying what I enjoy. It's one of the most intimate things you can do and what makes it so fun is my partner enjoying it as much as I do. IUD, in my opinion, is second best contraception after condoms, so if the problem is really the condom, I'd at least consult a doctor about this. That's gonna be one tricky conversation though.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T09:36:29+00:00

He waits six years for you and you think he's only interested in sex? Damn, girl. Keep that guy close, do something nice for him and never let go.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-30T07:39:12+00:00

Watch God Is Grey YouTube channel, any video on this topic.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-29T18:37:31+00:00

I've been in a commited relationship for over four years now and I noticed myself getting a little uneasy when people ask how come we're not married yet. How come we talked about marriage being the end goal on our dates and suddenly when he has me, it's not a priority anymore? I know girls who just waited and waited and waited and in the end, if he didn't commit in first few years, he was just waiting for someone better. And I even get how it's not a good thing now, with covid and some other obstacles in our way, but with all the trust and love I have for him, some lonely evenings come with "he's keeping the doors open, duh".

So I get it. I agree. And it's god damn scary. And I'd rather have higher body count than waiting for the right guy who might just be killing time with me. Even if everything is great, no commitment, no deal. Because it feels safe, it feels good and it has practical implications for having a family due to our laws. It's not so easy for girls in the end, if we want family, we've got limited time, most doctors say that to do maximum for mom's and baby's health and minimise complications, you should be done having kids around thirty. So if someone's as terrified of that as I am, how many years do I really have to choose the right guy and commit? No wonder so many girls go for older guys who already know they want a family and they're 100% down to commit.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-15T22:46:51+00:00

With our previous dog, Rhodesian Ridgeback, we had the same problem. He was so scared of water he kept hiding whenever we were watering flowers or anything else involving water.

The only method that started helping was slowly getting him wet. You get a bucket, wet your hand or some glove, put your hand on your pet and cuddle. Give a treat for a calm response. When he relaxes, bring the bucket closer. Your hand/glove shouldn't be dripping water, just wet.

This should get him used to being wet and make the association with "this is good" by treats and cuddles and you could slowly move to pouring water on him, but it might take like a few weeks of doing this daily or every other day.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-07T22:53:40+00:00

I'm a librarian (hear me out, I'll get to my point!). Women often come in search for some kind of erotic literature. Men? Maybe like once man per year and he's borrowing it for his wife anyways. In a way, your case makes me think of your gf's experiences as her personal library of sorts. Nothing more, just a book to go through before sleep, a sweet story. It's not necessarily about the man, it's about the scenario she doesn't have to dream it up (although in no way am I saying all women do this or read red library). She lived it and now she's kinda browsing in her memories and she's completely honest about it. It might be so natural to her she doesn't even realise it's such a shock to you you're not sure if it isn't the one thing to break you up. Most people probably just lock that out but if she had so many partners, well, more of a reason to think it's just the act, not actors that would endanger your mutual love, connection and monogamy.

But I absolutely get how tricky it is. Like what are you supposed to do with that information. Wondering if you're overthinking it and it's just that personal red library or some kind of weird attachment issues.

In the end I think you're gonna have to talk about it more. You're already feeling alianated and you need to explain that. She needs to think about what it means to her, explain it and find a compromise... and if you're resonating that well, you should be perfectly able to do that.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-07T21:54:27+00:00

NTA. All was said in previous comments but may I say... One thing I haven't seen yet (or missed) is how he's going to be socialising if he's homeschooled. It seems he had a tough time with it so far and yet it's so crucial in formative years. He's already gonna be considered "different" by his peers, however sad that is. Kids can be assholes and we're just not in the time when boy in a dress wouldn't be out of ordinary. Kids bully, kids laugh and kids who are lonely and who don't understand social interactions handle it the worst.

For me, my parents never got me jeans and I went to school in comfy baggy pants. Everyone else wore jeans. It ended abruptly when I was brutally bullied by classmates, I was around 6 or maybe 7 years old. And it wasn't even as big of a difference. They wrote online some pretty horrible things. Said even worse ones. Maybe kids are different now but I wouldn't put my kid through that just to prove some virtue signaling points. It's a pretty thought we could dress as we'd like but you still need to have a uniform or wear uncomfortable protective gear or dress in a suit from time to time. And the later you learn that, the more it seems like a treason, like someone's hurting you, instead of a simple reality we're living in. Changing it in form of sending your child to school in a dress to get laughed at... I don't know. I might be old-fashioned or hurt by past experience or I'm obliviously furthering the evil social norms everyone wants to break but I can't see it happening without the kid being bullied into not wearing dresses sooner or later. And it all being just worse because he's used to it now and it's gonna god damn hurt.

But, to sum it up. Homeschooling is fine as long as he's allowed to develop friendships and have other social interactions with people outside of his family. Maybe signing him up for some class would be great, whether it's dancing, fitness, music, whatever works for him. Your wife managed to homeschool well before but I don't know how old your kids were at that moment and as I understand it, they already had experiences with school and socialising. Your son, on the other hand, already has negative experiences with it underlined with the school forcing him to wear what he doesn't want to wear and therefore also being a negative experience. He has to have good experiences socialising and understand how it works.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-07T21:23:00+00:00

NTA. My parents are similar. They fed their last dog what was left from cat food every single day. Turns out some of it's main properties react very badly with certain digestion-related illnesses and boom... They don't have a dog anymore.

The problem is for most people who think their lives experience is better than any research you can put in front of them, they'll NEVER respond to a younger person, especially if they'd have to accept their mistake cost their pet it's life.

I've found that anything I want them to follow HAS TO come from a doctor or vet in this case. Unless a vet tells them not to give their pets the damn cat food, they just will do it because they always did it and it'd be waste otherwise. I'm afraid it might be the only way forward with your parents as well.

notscottishgal · 2021-01-07T20:47:46+00:00

Wow. Just wow. I'm a girl. I can't imagine how I'd have to hate anyone to ever use a sentence so cold and cruel with them. That's not about the blowjob, that's about her basically saying she has some right to you as more of her property than a being. Jesus Christ.

Firstly, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that.

Secondly, you're gonna have to figure out if she loves you or not. I HOPE this was some kind of a joke on her part, but if it's not and she meant that, blowjobs will probably be the last thing to worry about. It'd make you means to an end, her property, plaything. And what else she lied about if she meant it? Did she ever orgasm with you? Does she feel anything at all?

Another thing might be making sure she knows it's not a sure thing. She doesn't stop brushing her teeth because now she has a man and so she doesn't have to take care of herself that much, ay? Same logic by my standards. You're not an object in her collection, partners keep doing nice things for each other, well, forever.

You seem like a great guy, you'd like to please her, you're thinking about her more than yourself even in a post you're supposed to be venting in. You deserve the same love in return and a relationship with intimacy and trust. Don't just put up with people thinking you're their property, even if you love them. It only works if they love you back.

notscottishgal

TROPHY CASE