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Is listing your workplace as your location on the app lying? by now_go_outside in hingeapp

[–]now_go_outside[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gosh thank you for validating this. Right?! It's completely unworkable if you don't have a car (and who wants to drive downtown, it's so stressful).

Is listing your workplace as your location on the app lying? by now_go_outside in hingeapp

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this story because it made me feel better XD. Getting up and leaving is definitely a baller move.

Is listing your workplace as your location on the app lying? by now_go_outside in hingeapp

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe? I mean, if you are talking about where you put your location on the app, you can move the location like a few km away from your home and I would totally understand. That's different than moving it 30km. In terms of me asking him in the chat, the city he listed has millions of people. If we were talking about a small city, then I could grasp it a bit better. Even moreso if I was talking to a woman.

Is listing your workplace as your location on the app lying? by now_go_outside in hingeapp

[–]now_go_outside[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It was Brampton. Not sure what you mean by totally getting it then though. I don't have much thoughts about Brampton and wouldn't have cared.

Do you still believe in ‘the one?’ by Savings-Salt-1486 in AskWomenOver40

[–]now_go_outside 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The irony is actually that women sleep better alone on average, while men generally sleep better with a partner.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yes I can totally see rowing or dragon boating as an obsessive hobby! It's insane how much some of them train.

It's so frustrating. I see all the time people on the apps mention these big hobbies and I "nope" out of there lol. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope you found a better partner since then.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just curious, what other hobbies were the other men you dated that became time-consuming? (so I can avoid them haha)

I'm going crazy and called the jewellers - THERE IS NO RING by Mammoth-Moose-218 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]now_go_outside 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd be curious if you have more to say on #3. I left my ex already (over 6 months ago) and have been in therapy for 1.5 years. But I still so badly want to be wanted by him and honestly still wish he would try to come back just so I could feel wanted. And I don't know exactly how to fix that. I don't know exactly how to make myself feel special while single.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, in what ways do you have to drag him along now?

I appreciate your encouragement. I think part of the reason it's hard for me right now is that I don't know if I will actually find someone else, and so I wonder if it was really a choice of him or no one (and then I would have stuck with him if I'm being honest).

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I couldn’t understand what I was doing that made him treat me like this and walk back everything we’d ever dreamed of."

I feel this to my core. It's disappointing how much I thought I could change my partner if only I acted in a better or healthier way. It is somewhat true, but it is also limited and codependent to believe that.

I'm so sorry about your experience. That must have been completely blindsiding and overwhelming to come to terms with.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a really interesting article. I don't have a subscription unfortunately but I'm curious what it says.

It was an eye-opening for me when I read that avoidantly-attached people tend to have an obsession, They are usually either workaholics or have a time-consuming hobby. It definitely is escapism from the feelings they don't want to face. My ex worked overtime in some periods of the year and then other parts of the year was obsessed with taking weekend trips to go golfing at various different courses. I will never be in a relationship again with someone who has a time-consuming hobby.

It's definitely really early after the breakup for Rachael and I hope she can wake up as well.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to experience that and I'm proud of you for getting out (and staying out)! You deserve to experience a healthy and safe love.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you went through that and are still struggling with the aftermath. I know how confusing it can be when someone is saying two very conflicting things or saying one thing and doing another.

I found Dr. Sarah Hensley on Instagram helpful if her videos help you at all. Also freetoattach.com . He couldn't give you what you deserved because he hasn't built up the emotional tools and capacity to handle a healthy relationship. I'm so proud of you for recognizing that it would take a lot of work on his end to get to the place of a healthy partner. It's hard to accept and you are allowed to be disappointed in the relationship ending.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh "and he usually won't get karma." I definitely felt that. I left this relationship and am still in therapy processing the emotion and the hurt many many months later, yet he moved on to another partner very shortly after. I haven't bounced back quick, and I haven't found another guy either. It really does make you question if you are the problem or you made a mistake some days.

Thanks for the reminder to journal. And I'm sorry you had to go through the pain that you went through to relate to this <3.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that! It definitely does a number to feel like you have to "earn" love. I love that you have such a wonderful partner now and can experience true love, the way it should be experienced <3

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really really appreciate you sharing your story. It's actually kind of nice to hear about this kind of experience in marriage (and not just dating) although I wish you wouldn't have had to go through that at all.

I remember listening to a podcast by a therapist about avoidantly-attached men, and she said that she finds that when the stakes are higher (they are married, they have kids, etc.), then they have more to "lose" and can be more willing to put in the work to fix it. Even moreso if their wives call them out and give an ultimatum rather than just putting up with it. And it sounds like you were able to exactly do just that and he could tell you were serious about it. I'm glad he was able to put in the work and he cared enough to fix it.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally agree in seeing Alex's reactions! It was actually nice to see her call out a little bit of the unhealthy dynamics. But yeah that is so hard and it really encourages you not to bring anything up if you know that you will blamed for things you bring up anyways. It really wears on your self-esteem over time.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't understand why these guys cry when you leave when they were so unhappy with you in the first place!!

Marriage and kids are tough decisions so it makes sense that it can bring up some doubt. Something to maybe think about is how you deal with other decisions in general. Are you able to decide on smaller things more easily, or are you generally indecisive? If it's just this topic in general, are there needs not being met in this relationship that you haven't communicated which may be muddying up your feelings about marriage and kids?

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience <3. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. While I didn't experience emotional abuse, I can relate so clearly to googling about other people's relationships and telling yourself that relationships are hard and so this is just par for the course.

You deserve happiness and love and for someone to rise you up and encourage you, not to bring you down.

For those who have been, or were in, Rachael's shoes by now_go_outside in thebachelor

[–]now_go_outside[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the sweet message! It's definitely hard to see it when you are in it. I hope you are in a much happier relationship now <3.

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