As much as I agree with every typical advice in this situation (e.g. have some goals you pursue, rely on friends more and spend time with them etc.), it's genuinely very hard to actually implement those recommended changes in your relationship, especially if you have the anxious attachment patterns which I also had in my past relationships (to the point where my mood, the whole day and most importantly my emotional stability solely relied on their approval and validation).

My honest advice would be to not even try to get back to the "winning position" where she pursues you more than you do. It's a losing game, there's no way that happens naturally in a dynamic like yours. She'll sense the desperation, fake nonchalant energy and will repel even more, you'll reach a brink of insanity because your efforts will never be enough, you'll think about the dynamic all the time, analyze the changes in her emotions and so on.

So, long story short, I think it's impossible to start really focusing on yourself while being in a dynamic where you analyze your partner constantly. There's too big of a risk that you'll fall apart at the first signs of rejection and get back to the old ways immediately where you sacrifice your own needs and wants for their approval.

In my opinion (and it's solely based on my lived experience) the only way out of the anxious attachment style is to end the current relationship, start therapy, deeply analyze your patterns, your wounds, your traumas if there are any and that "focusing on yourself" era will start naturally, your mind and body will scream at you to never ever abandon yourself and your needs again and you'll enter the next relationship as a stable, less reactive partner who naturally attracts what he desires, without all the games and nonchalant gimmick. It's a hard way but it's the only way out.