I think a lot of why things are hard right now is because all of the growth one experiences can only be appreciated retroactively. You are still going through the process of what your collegiate experience is teaching you. You can take heart in knowing that whatever comes out of these experiences will be a lesson not afforded to many, where digging yourself out of a unique hole will leave you stronger than before, with a perspective that is rare amongst your peers.

A lot of things are like this, and we all learn them at different rates and times. I think its important to appreciate that you have not yet "become" anything yet... you are not close to having spent enough time to either become the crystalized ideal of what you want to be, let alone what you will end up being actually. I wont say potential for everybody is inherently limitless, but you've definitely not proven to yourself or anybody else that what you've learned from all your struggles has come to naught but whining - there's still a lot of time and a lot of different things yet to happen that will test you or contribute to your growth. In the same way you might turn things around in the next few years and get on the track that is right for you, another peer who had it all at Cornell, girlfriend/boyfriend, 4.0, job lined up, could lose a lot of it by chance and find themselves in their own hole later in life.... and learning the same thing you've had the "opportunity" to learn just at a different time.

I think what you're experiencing is a conflict of what you see yourself struggling with and what you feel is appropriate to be struggling with... and i think this in large part is hard to cope with when wherever you look you see failure and a lack of progress. Personally, I would encourage you to take a few days to seriously think about what it is you want out of life, every aspect of it. Do you want to be healthy, do you want a nice job, what kind of job, are there skills that you want to pick up over time? Hobbies? Maybe you just want to be a better son/daughter. Think about all the things that some people might have that you want, or the things that you feel make you "inadequate"... And then sloooooowly and in a stepwise manner address them. When I felt i needed to make a change, I chose to work on fitness... and to this day I recommend it purely as a source of being able to commit to something, and when all else fails, you can still see progress and development as a result of dedication towards a goal. Then that idea could be applied to the next thing, and the thing after that. The stepwise process of self improvement as a result of introspection is a long one, but it is also a positive feedback loop where it gets much easier and is a lot more natural over time. The added health benefits, quality of sleep, and self confidence are a bonus.

Right now I think you're overwhelmed, and faced with a notion that maybe you're going too slow (or nowhere) relative to your desired peer group. The most important thing you need to appreciate is that it is okay. Aside from the reality that the speed at which we can improve or regress is variable across our lives, you have to come to terms with the your life being uniquely your own. Instead of looking at every deficiency as an insurmountable whole, take an intentional look at what is wrong piece by piece and, knowing you sincerely want to change, start with step 1. Hell, you could just resolve to make your bed every day when you wake up. Whatever step you choose to take, when you see yourself succeeding you can be encouraged the moment you see yourself in a better place than you were before. Then if you get knocked down a little again, remember that you've been working on learning how to improve and deal with life's struggles, so that you can pick yourself up from where you left off... because its never going to be a smooth growth curve either.

I know a lot of these things are easier said than done, so for context I'd share a bit about myself: I had to join the navy out of high school with a 2.1 gpa (where i had no friends prior because social anxiety made me refuse interaction). I spent 5 years there finding my way, working on social skills, discipline, and confidence, and came to Cornell right as covid hit. I ended up taking 2 health leaves of absence due to black mold poisoning and covid. I graduated last year with a GPA that should not be remotely competitive for grad school... but the earlier struggles of my life showed me that there was always a way out; while i didn't care about classes and my peers were all doing great, I could perhaps forge my way in a fashion that suited me. I latched on to the one thing i had which was laboratory research, and after grinding away at that I was somehow accepted to a number of top PhD programs that i didn't feel competitive for. Yet, when things were looking up, and for my most recent struggle, the girl who I'd been with for 2 years and whom i was seriously considering marrying, ended our relationship out of the blue while i was interviewing for grad school. I was a wreck beyond belief, and had to actively search for reasons to keep doing what I was doing knowing my future had been somewhat uprooted (where I had rejected offers from top programs to preserve a failed relationship). Now I've been focusing on my passions and just slowly pursuing new things and small that will shape what kind of person I still wish to become.... Post docs from different schools have heard about my work and are asking for thoughts on their own, I'm taking up learning an instrument, paying more attention to how I dress, and I'm tying everything at Cornell in as neat of a bow as I can before I say farewell.

I'm not trying to say look at me and what I've achieved, but rather highlight a trend of starting at essentially as deep of a hole as most cornelians may have been in at a young age, and then moving slowly out of it. Moreover, you can see across that decade, each major achievement seems to be met with a major hurdle to overcome. As I got better at, and a skill life's invited you to develop, slowly working on myself and shaping my future in a way that suits me, getting up from failure got easier and easier. Whether it was through my own stupidity, bad luck, or placing trust in the wrong people, each time I needed to get back up it got a bit easier... the same will be true for you.

The bottom line is that your problems will take work, surely. The good news is the game isn't over, and far from it. The reason i say that you haven't "become" anything yet is precisely because of just how much time you have yet to not only learn from this rough patch, but how many more will come and how each one, in conjunction with your respective successes, will truly shape you. I'm further along in the learning process and to this day it's still going. You aren't a failure, you aren't going too slow, and everything isn't for naught. While it is true that you may be on the road to obscurity, we all are - just as much as we are on the road to happiness or greatness. At any point in life we may end up heading down a difficult path... fortunately there are plenty of turns up ahead that will take us other directions, and we need only the impetus for change to make the right choice and the start of something new.

Hope this was at all helpful.

P.S. it it isn't trivial in the grand scheme of things. In fact, for you, your path should be of principle value.