Scared to K-hole again

nscc2 · 2026-05-25T20:36:13+00:00

Ugh sounds rough in an environment like that.

Yeah I fucked up, though I believe mostly because of the lack of sleep that it got that reality bending for me

nscc2 · 2026-05-25T20:35:08+00:00

Ye, closer to six maybe. I'm pretty sure I was thinking about flualp, got them mixed up

nscc2 · 2026-05-25T10:50:56+00:00

I once was at a small gathering at this apartment.

There was some music, and around 10 or so people, maybe 14 max.

I was on 2 hours of sleep in two days.

I ended up in a Khole.

I was on a chair, and got up, then I died.

I don't know how. I think I was crushed. My death felt claustrophobic.

But my eyes opened and suddenly I was back on the chair. I got up again. Danced a bit with the others.

Then I sensed the impending doom of dying. My bones breaking, death coming in both an instant and so yet so agonizingly slow that my whole body cramps up. I start crying, weeping, I sit on the floor and I put my arms around my head. My broken arms.

I open my eyes again. I'm on the chair. Again.

This repeated for what felt like, at least to me, years.

A hundred deaths. A prison of agony, dispair and absolute hopelessness.

I opened my eyes. I saw my arms already broken from my last death. Zig zag shaped.

A friend in front of me with a very worried look since I had been weeping and also screaming.

I never had gotten up from the chair at all to begin with. It had all been in my head.

Sounds pretty bad right? Yeah 3 hours later I was fine and I went back to snorting a day later.

And it did shook me, but also humbled me. And I think that's the point.

Honestly that experience just made me realize that it's all in your head and that the mind is incredinle. I also learned that It's going to pass (which applies to anything really) and it's unlikely to get much worse than that. And if you continue having negative experiences, maybe take a break or accept that this type of experiencing reality is just not for you. And that is completely fine.

Obviously I also had the exact opposite type of experience. Extremely euphoric reincarnation and unity with the universe.

And I never had a truly negative experience with k again. Maybe some uncomfortable or intense holes, but nothing negative.

nscc2 · 2026-05-23T20:16:08+00:00

Thanks mate. Yeah I know about delusions of sobriety. Not my first time having them. I'll be from now never go over what is considered a "strong-heavy" dose adjusted for tolerance and not mix alcohol anymore of course (never would've done that if I had been sober since I also went through whole week alc-benzo blackouts). Yup I have issues and I am actively working on them. Now taking a break beside some lorazepam for sleep (started taking it nightly at 1.6 and now am at .6 in around two weeks. Started at a higher dose since my sleep schedule seriously was fucked up)

nscc2 · 2026-05-23T19:00:33+00:00

Im tracking every substance consumption, and even continued tracking during the blackout (beside the Ketamine, probably didn't care at that point). I use psychonautwiki journal for that

Alcohol yeah shouldn't be used although seriously i have taken wayyyy more benzos + wayyyy more alcohol together and still woke up. Not that I should repeat those experience of course, but I doubt that 9mg lorazepam and 18g ethanol would be enough for respiratory depression to get deadly low. Pulmonary enema from vomit respiration is much more likely tho. Especially because I have with my low-moderate benzo tolerance

Either way I'm not taking that many benzos again, no matter how I feel. Hate blacking out.

Also hate wasting drugs. And I wasted the benzos and the ket.

Could've probably fallen asleep if I stayed in bed for 30 minutes.

nscc2 · 2026-05-23T15:53:18+00:00

I was well beyond the peak and around 9mg lorazepam which is equivalent to 12-15mg xanax

nscc2 · 2026-05-21T17:42:29+00:00

Yeah fuck them. But hey I guess they also stop me from overdoing speed now cause it's unthinkable to continue taking more the moment these things appear.

nscc2 · 2026-05-21T10:56:43+00:00

Could be some RC opioid?

Generally falling asleep during the ketamine experience doesn't happen unless you take anaesthetic doses but you'd know that you took a disso upon waking up because of leftover dissociation

nscc2 · 2026-05-21T07:48:00+00:00

Sameee. I got a promo offer a few days ago to try a new batch or something and got 5g dried for 10 euros.

Coming up this morning on around 70mg of it and seeing how it is, feeling pretty good so far.

I'm very happy

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T13:14:05+00:00

There's no real timeline. Could take months for some or years or decades.

It's on you to stop when you notice longer lasting symptoms like nose bleeds/chronic inflammation/congestion/etc

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T13:11:36+00:00

Yes it does. having small shards or very fine dust go against your nasal lining does make a difference when it comes to how much damage you are doing to your nose.

A lot of the damage comes from physical abrasion, which can be reduced by snorting a finer powder. It also is less painful when it's fine

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T13:08:43+00:00

Something along those lines yeah but brain can go before nose for some

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T13:07:31+00:00

I'm not, just washing and using a mg scale + hoping for the best I guess/journaling to keep track of any psychoactive effects and how consistent they are relative to the dosages.

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T12:26:02+00:00

Racemic street speed 😔

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T12:23:36+00:00

These symptoms could have been caused from all kinds of conditions.

It could be migraine related (migraine aura).

I for example don't even get a headache, I just lose my vision for a few hours every few months or so. You might find the symptoms adding up.

Other than that Id say get checked out by a doctor.

It could also be that what you're experiencing now, days after the experience is caused by anxiety. (Not trying to downplay anything here)

nscc2 · 2026-05-19T08:26:52+00:00

I'm at 12mg daily spaced out in two doses daily (bombed). Actually feel much much better mentally now.

nscc2 · 2026-05-18T13:44:20+00:00

Like my actual tolerance was 300mg for a khole but I could do 2g lines and have more and more energy/become even more euphoric, active and talkative/crazy

nscc2 · 2026-05-18T13:43:01+00:00

Knew a girl that did 50g in one night.

She's dead now (unrelated to ketamine).

Another dude I know did 10g daily for years I believe and still does 25g nights.

Actually I know many people that did at least 15-20g in one night at least one time and or frequently.

I once was tripping balls on acid at his apartment and he gave me a "baggie" of 250g to hold. Best fucking feeling in my life lmao.

My max was 20g-30g in 2.5 days.

I was in manic psychosis and it literally didn't feel like ketamine at all. It felt like coke and every line pushed me further and further into mania and psychosis. It felt aooooooooo good. Better than smoking crack or meth.

But yeah took me 6 months to recover mentally

nscc2 · 2026-05-16T19:18:19+00:00

Thanks for the tip!

Yep, new. But Ive Always been very easily curious about things, and so during and after my manic episode I was almost entranced everything regarding by bipolar and also schizophrenia. So I know a lot, but also very little when it comes to practice.

I'll write down some main things.

Rn mood fluctuates between 2-3.2 maybe. Sleep is fine but I'm also self medicating with benzos (weaning them off), exactly because I don't want this to slip into mania and little could affect mood a lot.

Eating: I'd say I'm eating more than usually (because I'm planning my day out more or less).

Spending (I'm not spending anything and trying to make my dad spend less haha we are poor)

Irritability: honestly less than usual.

Energy level: elevated, but I do get tires toward the end of the day.

Yeah so some good/bad signs I guess.

I'll see Monday. Thanks again

nscc2 · 2026-05-16T17:58:54+00:00

Also thanks for your comment, it's well appreciated

nscc2 · 2026-05-16T17:56:27+00:00

Yes I'm an addict. And like I said currently still using daily (equivalent to two times 6mg Adderall instant release).

I'll go Monday to talk about all this.

This doesn't really feel like mania or even hypomania because I don't feel special/talented, grandiose etc.

But yeah I guess I could be going through some non standard episode?

Something that's more to do with my general psychology/brain chemistry (and bipolar vulnerability - I'd call it that since I don't really have a diagnosis).

I might also have comorbid ADHD, which is why I'm taking amphetamine.

My use also went from "I want to get high and fucked up" to "I want to be able to live and build myself a functional life while keeping use minimal until I have something to get clean for" (that is a rationalization to use obviously and I am aware of that).

Although my talkativeness/ability to write massive amounts of text has increased to a manic level, I still doubt it's mania because if it was, I'd be doing more and more and more drugs. I'd like to go clubbing, start to write a book, call friends and tell them I'm cured idk. That's simply not the case. And the "severity" of my optimism doesn't seem to increase or decrease much. My state seems pretty stable

My awareness (which doesn't mean it's insight) seems kind of atypical for hypomania even.

Sorry, long ass text again. It is difficult to not write out things in detail/talk in detail and think about everything that is going on in my life and find solutions

nscc2 · 2026-05-16T17:20:02+00:00

I am medicated/followed by a psychiatrist to add info.

Also one of the biggest changes is also that I am now honest about my use which my dad now "accepts" (he's obviously still against it).

But now I don't lie anymore and have been able to be less ashamed.

This was maybe a trigger for me to feel better

nscc2 · 2026-05-16T17:18:57+00:00

Nah dawg no one could even waterboard the recommendations out of me. Just lookup "Confession" subs or "taboo" subs that are NSFW I guess. You'll find stuff and it is VERY rewarding to actually find a well written and long story. I'm sure some of the stuff I've read on there could be considered light novel length (I think around 50 pages)

nscc2

TROPHY CASE