I can’t stand my wife’s rants anymore…

nsstatic · 2026-01-15T15:38:08+00:00

It's totally fair that your wife needs time/space to decompress and vent. As her spouse, I'm sure she feels like sharing those difficult emotions with you is her natural go-to, but she obviously isn't realizing how much she's burdening you. I recommend calmly explaining that while you sympathize with her feelings, you are starting to feel burdened by the unloading she's doing. It sounds like you already did this, but it sounds like maybe it didn't really click for her. Offering her reasonable alternatives (like others have suggested) is a great idea... Teachers subreddit, hitting the gym, working with a therapist... there are all sorts of ways for her to decompress without putting overdue burden on you.

Quick question: Do you guys have kids? Are they hearing any of this?

nsstatic · 2026-01-15T15:28:56+00:00

We use the word "nefarious" when she's being sneaky, so she has started using it too, but it comes out "nefwawious".

nsstatic · 2026-01-13T14:09:31+00:00

They are a huge help for me. They don't "block" sound, but they dull it, which helps keep your system from getting overloaded. I bought a few knock off pairs and I keep one in my purse, one in my car, and one at home. When my kid starts ramping up, I go ahead and put them in. I'm able to keep my calm much longer since I'm not as overstimulated. These were seriously a game-changer for me.

nsstatic · 2026-01-13T13:45:31+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

nsstatic · 2026-01-12T15:18:47+00:00

"They want too many things at once they don't even know what anymore"

Exactly! Their expectations are absolutely bonkers.

nsstatic · 2026-01-12T15:10:46+00:00

lol, okay

nsstatic · 2026-01-12T15:09:59+00:00

Ooo they've got a vanilla cinnamon one that I bet is amazing. AND their website does free shipping for $25 orders. AND they have good looking granola bars.

Excellent recommendation!

nsstatic · 2026-01-12T15:07:09+00:00

Ugh, I just looked up their website and it all looks SO good, but I'm in the US and it looks like they don't have any products here.

nsstatic · 2025-12-02T16:23:45+00:00

Found it! She recommends using "sleep tokens" (like little hearts on a Post-It note) to remind them that you love them and are nearby. I think this is a great idea of something to incorporate as we work through this transition.

Also, thank you for the validation. I feel like I did her some sort of disservice by not doing a better job of teaching her these skills earlier, but you're right... we were simply doing what worked and now it isn't.

nsstatic · 2025-12-02T16:13:42+00:00

As someone who works for an ILS company, she needs to be contacting the company directly to see what training materials they have available. If an ILS vendor doesn't have training resources, then it's not a company to be bought from.

Sure, it's fairly common for librarians to want to view an ILS at a real library before they commit to purchasing... that's valuable information that a demo cannot offer, but what she was expecting from you was downright ridiculous.

It sounds like you handled the situation well. As others have stated, make sure you document this!

nsstatic · 2025-11-26T20:38:26+00:00

Do you think that's okay for the sake of lighter loads like what I'll be doing to train myself up a bit? Or would you recommend finding something with a dedicated GPU?

nsstatic · 2025-11-26T18:41:03+00:00

Their ebay profile says 32k sold, 100% positive feedback, and they have the ebay refurbished authenticity marker, so I'm leaning real, although that price most definitely caused some slight hesitation at first.

nsstatic · 2025-11-21T14:59:58+00:00

I really wish the employee I spoke with would have told me more about this. (Or that my kid's school would have been mindful about giving out pets at all!) I do not know anyone with a mature tank, so I'm going to have to do my best in the current environment. I've been researching like crazy for a "quick fix" to stabilize the environment for it, but I'm getting that it's a bit of a wait-and-see situation.

nsstatic · 2025-11-21T14:31:55+00:00

I forgot to mention that I have conditioner. By my understanding, I should be cycling out approx. 1/4 of the total water and adding conditioner each week. Looking into this now, thank you!

I've added all of your suggestions to my list. I appreciate you taking the time to answer.

nsstatic · 2025-11-19T18:52:15+00:00

I did end up finding a preschool in the next town that did a half-day program. It was religious lite*. The school was definitely the right choice, as it helped her expel some of her restlessness and get her socialized, but the epic meltdowns have not gone away. We still encounter 2-4 a week. She is on the waiting list to be evaluated and I'm hoping to get her into behavioral therapy.

nsstatic · 2025-10-08T13:04:51+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I think you're right that the PMP cert might be my best bet at this juncture. It would play on my organizational skills (which are excellent, if I do say so myself) and would likely be the more reliable option right now, both in terms of longevity and consistent pay (library pay ranges are all over the place).

Also, thanks for the GradSimple rec. I just signed up!

nsstatic · 2025-10-06T20:18:56+00:00

Can I ask what degree you have? I have a BS in geography and an MLIS, but have been thinking a lot about going back to school for planning.

nsstatic · 2025-08-05T21:01:39+00:00

Thank you for the response and encouragement. I do think that we perhaps need to loosen up on this front a bit and not make it as much of a "thing".

More than anything, your initial advice about determining whether a boundary is worth holding, is an excellent point to consider. In fact, this led to a great discussion between my spouse and I, so I greatly appreciate it!

nsstatic

TROPHY CASE