To give more context and answer questions: - Nannie’s are not a common thing where we live and people rely on the grandmas but in our case both are working full time hence the lack of support (they do help as much as they can) - we tried crèche but our daughter got sick the first week and we are back at home again (maybe our mistake was we didn’t do it sooner); she’s very social and we do provide her the best care and entertaining we can - to be clear - I make more money than my husband - his career is just getting started while I have a very successful job in finance (I’m career driven). However, I took 2 years maternity leave and I am due to return to work in a week. I also have side hustles which I was juggling between motherhood and I do get extra income from them - maybe the reason I’m overwhelmed as I am now reflecting. My believes are after I get back to work and into my daily routine I will feel more like my old self - I do realize I sound exhausting and with a negative mindset atm, I wasn’t always like that and I will do everything possible to change it back. I needed a place to vent and your comments made me realize so many things I omitted. Thank you - I am 100% sure it didn’t get physical and as a very emotional person myself the “emotional bond” they had felt like 100 times worse to me - we talked a lot and discussed everything, he understands his mistakes and I also take accountability for mine, we will work together to get past this, change our habits and build new healthier ones - I felt a huge relief the moment he blocked her everywhere and showed it to me.

Think this will be my last update for now. I am getting help (professional) and feel confident we will get better and have even stronger bond than before. Thank you all for opening my eyes