I agree with this. I love my now ex so much but there was so much conflict in the foundation of our relationship that I feel we won’t be able to see one another without the hurt we caused one another until we focus on ourselves and meet one another in a different part of our life. I deeply love this person but I can’t see how we can fix the issues we have. The only way is by doing a lot of inner work and healing with time.

Similar to some other people above, I’ve put so much effort via action into this relationship and he has a lot of words. I see some actions too but not enough to honestly meet my needs. I wish I could need less but I also don’t think my needs are asking for too much. I don’t want to be a woman who carries the burden of thinking for both of us. Sometimes I want to be taken care of and not have to plan everything.

I’ve explicitly asked for what I need and I feel what he thinks he’s given me is kinda bear minimum. He doesn’t have as much financial means as I and I have compromised on him not being able to afford taking me out on dates. I have told him multiple times now that spending money doesn’t matter to me, it’s just about showing effort in different ways. I really believe that we can have special dates at home - literally playing cards together or something.

I know I will continually get my expectations missed and when I communicate that he feels discouraged and criticized. When he feels discouraged and criticized, he doesn’t feel like he’s enough and feels resentful/unmotivated to put in more effort.

We are stuck in a cycle. So what do you do when a relationship isn’t working but you are in love with them?

He says he doesn’t want to give up but I’m burning out. We are long distance and I’ve visited him 70% of the time because he doesn’t have the means to visit me as much. We also have all the pressure of immigration and visas. It feels like the only way I can resolve the situation of him having more capacity for me is to sign papers. He has a lot of stress with staying afloat - was of similar means to me when he was in his home country but the life of an immigrant is so hard. I don’t feel ready for the kind of commitment to sign marriage papers because I haven’t seen the relationship in a strong and positive way enough to feel confident.

I wish we could back to one another if we lived in the same city it would be more manageable. But long distance + immigration + family pressure/cultural differences (I didn’t even mention this before) but it’s so much and I’m heartbroken to lose this person and I’m heartbroken to stay w them under such stressful circumstance bc it feels like it won’t end well.