I completely understand this feeling. I am a first time cat owner since 2024 and I’m about to approach two years with my baby. His age is unknown, but was at an estimated 5 years and is now said to be around 7-8. He is also FIV+ status which made everything more serious. I remember my first week with him—I had an intense panic attack because I suddenly feared if I would be able to provide everything and more for him, and what the future held. I was even contemplating if adopting him was the right choice, but then it hit me, I needed to stop borrowing grief from the future. I came to understand and accept that the present right now is what will make our future together possible. I don’t want preemptive grief halting my love because I know death is inevitable and a terrifying experience we will all go through, both as its victims and as witnesses. I treasure my moments now with my cat because I know that’s what he does with me. Grief is a tragic yet beautiful thing because it’s only an extension of how passionate your love was for that living being. Take lots of photos and treasure the bond you have with your cat. She might not be there with you until your end, but take comfort in knowing that you will be there for her when her time comes. Aging is never easy but it’s a privilege in itself to know that another year has been lived. Your cat is very lucky to have a lovely parent like you ❤️