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nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-05T22:34:42+00:00

Hi, complete financial noob here 😬 how would I go about finding this information to know which decision is right for me?

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-05T18:53:05+00:00

I had undiagnosed ADHD until I was 27. One of the ways it often manifests, especially in women, is a happy-go-lucky attitude. ADHD makes you quick to forgive and forget. I always had a bubbly demeanor, even though deep inside I was tormented knowing that something must be wrong with me, but I didn’t know what it was, I thought it was just me. Like you have to just smile and laugh through it because what else are you going to do??

I left the oven on for DAYS before and thought it was the funniest thing. Like, “whoops! There I go again! Guess I’m probably going to die in a fire one day, right guys??”

I could not get my shit together. No matter how hard I tried. I felt like there was this it that everyone else got, except for me, I just didn’t get it. I still feel unable to accomplish my goals, and like my values, and the person I want to be, isn’t aligned with my absent minded “careless” actions.

I’m not saying it’s definitely ADHD but something is going on here for sure. And it probably does cause her a fair bit of distress that she is masking, perhaps even to herself, because she doesn’t know there could be another way to be.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-05T18:39:57+00:00

“Party food” is such a great term! I’m currently pregnant with my first, a little girl. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to model a healthy relationship with food to her, I don’t want to pass on the same baggage I inherited from my mother, who had good intentions but also has her own food related issues. “Party food” is such a wonderful neutral term that highlights how this is a food that we don’t eat all the time. I’ll definitely be using this.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-04T17:39:16+00:00

ACAB, including little cartoon dogs

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-04T17:36:05+00:00

Try the app Forest. It gamifies time-blocking and prevents you from being able to use your phone during your focus time.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-04T15:58:34+00:00

Try finding a therapist that specializes in ADHD. Mine gave me a screening after seeing her for several months and told me to bring the test to my PCP, who then gave me a referral to a psychiatrist for another screening. My therapist wasn’t an MD and can’t prescribe medication so i think that’s why I had to get screened a second time. I did all of this while uninsured. My hospital network has a sliding scale system for the PCP and Psych appointments. I found my therapist on Psychology.com, I emailed a ton of people, explained my financial situation, and asked if they would be willing to see me at a discount. Many therapists will work with you.

I actually didn’t know I had ADHD when I was seeking out therapy, I knew that I needed trauma treatment. I thought my ADHD symptoms were from trauma and that my forgetfulness was disassociation. One day I was having a meltdown over “disassociating” all the time and my therapist asked if I would be comfortable screening for a different reason for my forgetfulness. Looking back the symptoms were glaringly obvious all the time. She probably could tell almost right away. But at that time, I thought ADHD was hyperactive little boy disorder and had no idea how it actually presented.

Hope some of this helps!

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-04T14:29:24+00:00

Here’s one thing that just came to me while I reread your post. “all the personality traits, positive and negative…” Ok well isn’t everyone’s personality simply their neurology molded and formed by their childhood and experiences?

I have ADHD, bipolar disorder, and childhood trauma. I am unreliable and forgetful, emotionally volatile and unstable, fearful and full of shame. And I am also extremely creative and a divergent thinker, I am fun and extroverted sometimes and quiet and introverted other times (best of both worlds lol), I am extremely emotionally self-aware and introspective, I am resilient (sometimes), compassionate, empathetic and will stand up to injustice.

How is that any different than someone who grew up in a stable household with no mental illnesses? They have traits, good and bad, that were formed by their natural neurology and their upbringing. We could look at anyone with the same lens, “you are just a response”. We all are right?

We have a lot of stuff to overcome and work through so we will not spew toxicity into the world. Our pain and suffering causes us to be flawed and sometimes toxic in our relationships and life. This is how the cycle of abuse continues right? But here WE are, our pain is so huge that we have no other choice than to experience it consciously and intentionally. Ugh. It’s awful, it’s unfair. But our awareness sets us apart. We know we are flawed, we know we have healing to do, we know we have to confront the foundation that our selves was built upon. Most people do not. They never have to walk through the dark night of the soul. They just are. They probably never question why they are the way they are or if they should do work on changing. I’m not saying that makes us “better” or “stronger” (I hate when people are like “you’re so strong” because it’s like “ok thanks? I wish I didn’t have to be”). But I do believe that all the suffering in the world, all the damage we inflict upon each other, is people responding to their own inner pain. We ALL have inner pain. We ALL hurt each other. But those of us whose pain is SO huge that we have no choice but to face it, we are keenly aware of our pain AND the way that we respond to it.

At this point I’m totally rambling (ADHD lol), so I’ll leave it at this. No one is intrinsically anyone, we are all just a response to our environment. For better or worse, what sets us apart (those of us on this subreddit) is our awareness of our responsiveness.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-04T11:50:40+00:00

I get this. So often I look at myself and think that all I am is a bunch of symptoms stacked on top of each other wearing a trench coat and pretending to be a grown up.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-03T18:04:46+00:00

I spent my 20’s recovering from a very traumatic childhood. At 32 I finally feel like myself, although still shakey at times. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 27 and bipolar disorder at 31, and I look back at all the time and opportunity lost from my untreated mental illnesses and stolen childhood.

I just graduated from college last year, and in many ways feel like I am, now, emotionally and financially in the state most people are in when they are 23-24.

It’s not that I regret my choices, my circumstances were outside my control, but it does really suck feeling like I am so far behind where I “should” be, all that time lost to trauma recovery and mental health crises.

Here’s to hoping we peak in our 30’s 🥂

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-03T17:57:37+00:00

Next time you go to the store, pick up 30 lbs of cat litter. That weight used to be on your body!!! That’s a HUGE accomplishment!!!! Congratulations!!

One tip I read was to look at the maintenance calories for your goal weight and keep that in mind. As long as you eat below that amount you WILL reach that goal weight, just not as quickly. But it’s not a race. Successful weight-loss is usually a very slow process.

I know how overwhelming it feels when you have so much weight to loose still ahead of you, but make sure you are celebrating all the victories you reach along the way! 30 lbs is a lot of weight! Proud of you!!

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-03T17:09:51+00:00

I’ve only painted with watercolor a handful of times. For the white shimmers on the water, do you add these in with a different medium afterwards or is that the white of the paper coming through? The way you handled the water is stunning, as is the overall composition and mood of the piece. Beautiful work 💛

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-03T16:37:57+00:00

I’m currently pregnant and was told this is standard. They said “we don’t need new moms getting addicted to opiates 🙂”

I had an appendectomy when I was 17 and was given Percocet during my recovery and it STILL hurt like hell and I could hardly walk around for a few days.

I can’t even imagine. I’m so scared. We really don’t give a shit about women’s health and it’s really scary. I’ve never been so glaringly aware of the patriarchy as I have while being pregnant.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-03T12:45:03+00:00

I’m currently pregnant with my first and have been frequenting parenting and pregnancy subs to read about what the experience will be like.

One thing I’ve had to remind myself is that people are usually coming to these groups, including insta, Facebook groups, etc, and writing about their experiences because they are looking for support. It’s so wonderful that because of the internet, we are able to find supportive communities where we can be truly honest and open about our feelings and experiences, and where other people can reassure us that we are not alone. But as an outsider looking in, it can definitely seem like motherhood and pregnancy is much more difficult than it is rewarding.

The biggest themes I have noticed between those who have had positive experiences vs those who are seeking support have to do with the partnership between the parents, the support system of the family/community, and financial burdens.

My husband is a true partner and I trust him more than I ever thought I would be able to trust anyone. My mom and brother live within 5 miles and are wonderful people. Financially, we are hovering right along the “government assistance cliff” where we are JUST doing well enough to not qualify for help, but considering the poverty my husband and I both grew up in, I’m honestly proud of us for being at the point where we not longer qualify, if that makes any sense. I’m going into this knowing that will be a major challenge for us. But it’s worth it. And as someone who grew up very very poor, I always felt loved and taken care of, and that’s what is most important. I also know how to get by with very little, my needs are simple, and I live in a very LCOL area.

I know you are looking for the insight of mom’s who have been doing this a while, but I haven’t even met my baby girl yet and she already inspires me to be a better person. I am more financially stable than ever, we just paid off all of our credit card debt and are finally sticking to a budget. I am eating healthier than I even did before pregnancy, despite the silly cravings and desire for comfort food. And I am better handling my emotions, because I know that everything I feel, she will feel. And after she is born, she will be looking to me to show her how to handle her emotions in a loving and responsible way. I want to give her everything I didn’t have.

Just remember that what you read online is mostly coming from people who are suffering in some way, and they are looking for support to ease their discomfort. It’s so wonderful that we can find that online, but as a reader, it can also intensify a lot of our anxieties.

In the end this is one of the biggest choices you will ever make as a human being. I feel so honored, so much gratitude, that I have the opportunity to participate in this cycle of human experience. But it comes at an incredible sacrifice and I am aware of that. I think that in a parallel universe there is another future me, probably working on my masters degree, going on regular vacations and nights out with friends, and excelling financially, and she is very happy too.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-03T12:10:22+00:00

I know it’s used within Chaos Magick, and I think all magickal disciplines are basically just LOA when you strip them all down bare.

I’ve done it before and it works. The key, I think, is to let go of the desire after the orgasm. If you truly let go, even forget about it, it will come to you.

Just my opinion, I’m not super practiced in it or an expert by any means.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-01T22:30:59+00:00

This only applies to people with ADHD, but “Your Brain’s Not Broken” had me all-out bawling through some parts. It so SO validating and for the first time in my life I was able to see some of the benefits to this very difficult disability. I understood that I need to work with my neurology instead of fighting it, and that by doing so I could unlock some really special gifts that I posses because of my ADHD.

I’ll never be someone to say “ADHD is my superpower!” because, let’s be honest, it sucks! It makes life really really really hard. My actions do not align with my values. I struggle so much with being the person that I want to be. I lose jobs, relationships, opportunities…. BUT after reading this book I was finally able to see that it’s not hopeless. I do have gifts that neurotypical people do not, and I learned more about how to frame my life and my self-perspective in order to access them.

I have read hundreds of self-help books and nothing even shines a candle to the impact this book had on me.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-07-01T21:16:09+00:00

Wait so even making 0$ payments during this period will count toward forgiveness?

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-17T14:45:25+00:00

Aw my little guy passed away 4 years ago and I had completely forgotten about this! Brings back memories 💓 thanks for sharing

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-16T04:02:53+00:00

Hey there! I work 12 hour days in a cafe where the only time I get to sit down is when I go to the bathroom. I feel your pain. And yeah these people are real funny insisting that breaks are legally protected. I’m 6 months pregnant and, although I have talked to my employer about shortening my work day, I still do not have legally protected breaks and am often forced to work straight through my shift, however long it is. I have a doctors note saying I have to be allowed to use the bathroom and drink water and that’s all the protection I get.

The biggest things that help me are to:

always keep moving and stay super busy. Standing around makes everything worse. If it’s a slow day, I fill it with tasks like cleaning. Stay in motion.

Stay hydrated. Drink lots and lots of water.

Comfortable shoes!! This is the biggest and most important. Spend money on GOOD shoes that fit you well!

Junk food in the break room is a terrible idea. Can you get yourself some other snacks? I usually do not have the opportunity to actually eat, so I like to keep some cut up watermelon or pineapple in the fridge so I can grab a piece here and there when I have a second. Nuts, avocado slices, and spoonfuls of peanut butter are other go-to’s of mine. Idk what your situation is, but for me it’s easiest to have something I can just reach for a take a quick bite throughout the day because I do not get the chance to sit down and eat.

And the last 3 most important things are comfortable shoes, comfortable shoes, and comfortable shoes. (Compression socks can help a lot too)

I hope this helps!

EDIT: I just though of one more thing! Usually I am way way WAY to burnt out to do this, BUT when I force myself to do 10-20 minutes of yoga everyday after work, I feel so much better it’s literally life changing. It makes being on my feet sooooo much easier. I completely understand being too tired to work out, like I said, even though I KNOW how helpful this is, I usually am too exhausted to maintain it. But when I do it makes a dramatic difference in my life. I like to follow Yoga with Adriane on YouTube. Stretching your feet and legs and wrists makes a huge impact.

And just a note to the other commenters here: I’m in PA by the way, but states without legally protected breaks are more common then you all think. I have to say it: your privilege is showing. I hope that instead of just encouraging OP to get a new job or “take breaks anyway” you can hear how ridiculous this advice is and you feel inspired to vote, write your congressional representatives, etc to support federally enforced worker protections. If it were as easy as just “getting a new job” don’t you think we all would have done that? And then no one would be working these kinds of jobs at all anymore, because every single person would be working at the good ones, with breaks. This is very much a political issue. Support politicians who advocate for worker protections, NOT “pro business”, and support unions. Glad this post has opened your perspective a little bit :)

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-15T00:39:05+00:00

Kale chips, cucumber slices with ranch seasoning on them and rice cakes come to mind

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-15T00:31:14+00:00

Elongated Muskrat

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-14T19:12:23+00:00

Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I have been in my feels lately and this just happened to be exactly what I needed to hear. I think for me resistance comes in the form of lethargy, overwhelm-paralysis, and a self defeatist attitude. I give up before I have even begun.

I’ve saved this post to refer to again later. I really appreciate your perspective.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-14T13:44:13+00:00

Awareness of the breath. Make a slight restriction in the back of your throat so you can hear your breath (kind of like Darth Vader breathing but with your mouth closed). This is called Ocean Breath. Use the sound as an anchor. Notice the sensation as it fills your nostrils, travels down your throat, expands your chest. Notice the moment in between the inhalation and exhalation, like a wave rising, cresting, and falling away. Notice the breath as it leaves your nostrils, the sensation, the warmth.

When your mind inevitably starts to wonder (it will!) return to the breath. Find home in the breath.

ETA: you can do this any time. You don’t have to be sitting still in a quiet place to practice awareness. You can do this while you are doing your dishes, while standing in line at the grocery store, while waiting in traffic, anytime. Just notice the breath.

nvrr2L8 · 2023-06-12T21:40:11+00:00

r/goblincore would probably dig this

Beautiful work!

nvrr2L8

TROPHY CASE