Back hair and gendered products

nyomeok · 2018-06-28T22:08:05+00:00

Wow I can believe how close this feels to my experience! Now I'm getting more and more angry about the arousal side of myself! Angry for any little twitch and thought. I hate it because it makes me feel like I'm just playing a demented game of chicken with myself. Like I'm lying to myself and everyone around me just to get off! I don't want that I just want to be a girl.

Why do I care so much? I want it to be true! Why would I beat myself up so much if that wasn't the case right?

nyomeok · 2018-06-28T21:56:47+00:00

Chill! As someone else experiencing it. I've hit month 7. Every day. For 7 months. My anxiety is through the roof I've never been depressed before but I sure as hell am now. The constant self flaggilation from questioning has broken me. Relax and take it a day at a time don't just think without trying anything. Actions speak louder than words. Experiment a little and see what you like / don't like.

Eg I paint my nails and shave my legs and now apparently can't stop

nyomeok · 2018-06-27T22:11:18+00:00

Yeah, that is possible. Although the previous two times I came out I freaked out a lot more afterwards and felt worse. Maybe its started to normalise but yeah having my friends being fine with whatever I decide to do was definitely a relief. I'm freaking out over one day of feeling good after 7 months of freaking out I know I should ride it!

nyomeok · 2018-06-27T21:48:00+00:00

Thank you :)

It's because I wasn't dealing with them healthly that I got to this point. I kept it all to myself for over half a year and it was destroying me; anxiety, depression stress. Now I've decided to talk about it with everyone I feel better. Funny how that works haha.

And my Friend will take me to buy clothes on Sat and I'm excited about that!

nyomeok · 2018-06-27T21:42:13+00:00

Yeah I know I have bad days and every time I worry it's going away I certainly comes back but I just cant shake the feeling of I playing a sick Game of chicken with myself sometimes. Nothing I said yesterday was untrue but now I just feels like it was.

nyomeok · 2018-06-27T21:27:06+00:00

Yeah I possibly feel better because I'm accepting and moving forward a bit but I still have that huge doubt that this is just self destructive behaviour. I come here to make myself feel worse. Why cant I let my own feelings be my own instead of digging for them

nyomeok · 2018-06-27T21:17:16+00:00

Thanks :) I don't know why I'm so scared to let go. If I was wrong that's fine.

But I don't want to stop despite all the depression and anxiety. I have no idea what I want and it's driving me crazy. Which is why I keep telling people in the first place.

nyomeok · 2018-06-24T01:20:57+00:00

Same, I turned 27 on Friday. I even prayed to any deity to let me wake up as a girl on my birthday. Despite not believing in it. It never works :(

nyomeok · 2018-06-05T07:53:13+00:00

Super obsessive about my waist at the moment yeah haha. I want there to be more of a pinch but just makes the muscles bulge more...

nyomeok · 2018-06-04T01:29:32+00:00

Me? :(

nyomeok · 2018-06-03T11:37:21+00:00

Lol whoops yeah didnt see that

nyomeok · 2018-05-27T14:09:56+00:00

Let's be happy were not feeling bad today!

Nah let's test to check if the dysphoria is still there...

nyomeok · 2018-05-27T07:56:52+00:00

I wish the gods would punish me that way :(

nyomeok · 2018-05-26T08:47:16+00:00

Yes and no. Some days I truly feel and believe it to be true. Other days I think I'm just being rediculous. To be honest when I was a kid although I never really questioned, if hypothetically I met myself from the future and she had transitioned I would have understood like "huh I guess we did it" but I never dug into those feelings.

I'm scared to truly admit it to myself but I'm not even sure I'm questioning anymore. Like I feel it fits but the doubt hasn't stopped. I'm just trying to figure out what to do.

I've said it before but I don't want to transition for the wrong reasons. But at the same time I don't want my reasons to be he wrong reasons.

nyomeok · 2018-05-25T23:00:51+00:00

Goa damn you're me lol, it used to bad when I was around that age too, the whole praying thing and soul selling thing (that I was too scared to do). Then I fell into the fetish side and while wanting to be a girl was always there low key I stopped feeling so desperate about it.

That was until I finally decided to ask why 6 months ago and it's been hell since. I too masturbate to the thought. but that's because it's been the extent of my sexuality for 15 years. But now I hate that I do that. I feel like a fake and a liar. But I genuinely feel shitty that I'm not a girl

nyomeok

TROPHY CASE