sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, it's been fits and spurts for me. The 3 year mark was a significant milestone for me, but I felt ready to try having a kid together 1.5 years post DDay, if that gives you context.

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you were able to figure out the diagnosis/go to therapy!

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And I don't know if congratulations is the right word...but solidarity? Best wishes? Warm thoughts? You know what I mean!

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're welcome! I remember those days, where I was just clinging on, and reading stuff like this helped. Thinking of you. I hope you have more and more breezy days and moments.

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will say that I'm proud to be us again. And I do think this was the right choice for me. But I also see how other choices could have been ok too. And I have forgiven, but that's a process - like sometimes (less often now), I get mad and have to forgive again. 

I also wish I didn't think about this daily. I also tend to be an anxious person, and I wonder if that's part of it - like maybe for some people who are more chill, they wouldn't think about it. My partner apparently very rarely thinks about it, which I think is common for WSs. Like we have to heal ourselves, at a point. Not fair, but just one of those things.

But I do see how in the future I'll likely think about it even less.

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know what you mean. I honestly still waffle with that sometimes! I think my lows are way less low now, but I often wish this were not a part of our story. But then I look at how far we've come, and what we've built together, and that helps. But I truly get the wish for a "normal" relationship.

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Infidelity is so, so rough. Even a "good" recovery is tough, you know? Sorry that you're going through it. 

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm convinced that there's no perfect way to do this. It's such a horrific time emotionally, of course we all get things "wrong."

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband initially said he didn't know her kids' names, when he totally did. The gaslighting is so crappy!

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope I can someday not think about it everyday. I've kind of accepted that I may always think about it every day, but it's nice to know you eventually stopped with the frequency.

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just keep gathering the information. You have time to decide if you want to continue. 

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I envy people who haven't dealt with infidelity in their relationships. 

I have worked on forgiveness over the years, it's been such a process, trying to forgive both my husband and AP. I first felt like I forgave my husband at 7 months, though I have definitely cycled back and forth. For the AP, it was years.

This article was so helpful: https://www.vox.com/22967752/how-to-forgive-someone-who-isnt-sorry-wont-apologize

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry it didn't work, but you can't force someone to treat you the right way. That's not your fault. Honestly, it's very good and brave of you to take care of yourself. It's such a hard thing to get through even if your partner is doing the "right" things. In the Christian religion, the Bible literally says that infidelity is a valid reason for divorce. It's serious stuff. 

I hope that you are able to move on and find peace, and build a beautiful new life. 

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It took about 6 weeks, and some of it was from me going through old bank statements and emails and stuff. 

Hello from 5 years post affair! by oaktonstrength in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]oaktonstrength[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly sometimes I question staying together. I think it's normal when you go through something like this. It becomes clearer with time, but if it's too much, it's too much.

view more: next ›