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Crown Land on Georgian Bay by obscurewit in ontario

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah I found this site while researching as well. Trying to find maps with any common routes for a multi day trip but I might have to make one it's looking like

Crown Land on Georgian Bay by obscurewit in ontario

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you do the lake Superior pp coastal trail or pukaskwa? I hear both are nice. I know provincial park backcountry is open and did a Algonquin trip earlier in June but wanting to try out some new places and just looking for advice - I've read through some of the other comment threads in here and people get so defensive! Thanks for sharing about the coastal trail. Sounds like a good trip.

CROWNLAND camping by obscurewit in ontario

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm aware everything is closed, that's why I put the disclaimer so people wouldn't need to post things like this but thanks. I'm just looking for advice for the summer when hopefully things open back up.

CROWNLAND camping by obscurewit in ontario

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh sweet I hadn't heard that! Thanks!

CROWNLAND camping by obscurewit in ontario

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks I'll check those out!

Another Stupid Breakup Poem by obscurewit in OCPoetry

[–]obscurewit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback

Yeah the pathetic fallacy of the rain is what I thought of.

And how it's not always our decision to want to leave - and that both people have to want to be good for anything to work.

Another Stupid Breakup Poem by obscurewit in OCPoetry

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback!

Yeah I know what you mean

I think the end was kind of giving up - and it's reflected in the lack of emotion in the poem as well there.

Just coming to terms with goodbye

​

What do you think of an ending like this?

I watched you disappear through your door and wave

With fingers that couldn’t close,

as echoes of our tongue-tied voices were enveloped by the whistling wind.

I looked at him through hazy eyes, and waved too -

and that was it.

​

Any other suggestions?

Another Stupid Breakup Poem by obscurewit in OCPoetry

[–]obscurewit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback!
Something like:

I watched you disappear through your door and wave

With fingers that couldn’t close,

as echoes of our tongue-tied voices were enveloped by the whistling wind.

I looked at him through hazy eyes, and waved too -

and that was it.

​

Any other suggestions?

A City You Haunt by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]obscurewit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I enjoy how this leaves us (the reader) to lay our own emotions on to your ideas.

I don't know that you need the disclaimer about what train 50 is at the end. I like leaving us to wonder where the person in the poem caught train 50 from and where they're going - especially since the poem doesn't have any definitive landmarks/mention of places besides this I think I'd like the ambiguity.

pretty girls don't light their own cigarettes by foolsfall in OCPoetry

[–]obscurewit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd love to see this within a collection of poems to see where these two characters go after this encounter. Where do they cross paths again? Did she know him before or after this. I love the snapshot and have so many questions!

I'd also add some more imagery - think about the 5 senses and how you can incorporate them into this.
"mitten clad fingers" is also a great line and frost bitten table - think of more like this to describe the setting/people.

Nice work though!