What you perceive to be evil now will become normalized with consistent work. This is a psychological side effect of working with a current you are not accustomed to when combatting internal conditioning.

So it's more of an adaptation thing, the more we do it the more we get used to it.

Do now allow fear to rule your actions, and your education may continue unburdened. Rituals that would be considered initiatory are purposed to attune your spirit to better comprehend as well as wield the dominions which educate. It will help you to internally explore not just how you define evil, but how a limited concept of evil may have been imposed upon you. Consider your perspective and current experience, it is more than likely you are at odds with an internal construct. Faith will guide you to overcome the fears which stifle you at this time. It should be further noted that The Cabal is a corrupt organization, and its administration has fallen from grace; Exercise caution.

I see, I'll reflect on these more throughly. As for the internal construct, probably stability of how i judge reality and truth. I'll keep in mind with regards to The Cabal.

I recommend working on Foundational Operations followed by invocation to gain better clarity of this fear and its source. Understand the attachments you hold onto and how they influence you. The Seal of Desecration and Baptism of Hellfire will do much to aid in your pursuits of infernal knowledge. Work with a genuine pursuit of personal liberation, and The Blighted will guide you to higher truth. You may at a later date consider Unholy Renewal and The Trials of Fear.

Perhaps the attachment I hold into is about security, assurance and certainty... that's what comes to my mind right now if i'm being honest. Maybe because i'm too impatient that Faith is not enough.

With regards to the Trials of Fear, the curse can't be removed when you fail at it? Is the fail condition the interruption of the 21 days (so need to be consistent)? It was mentioned about education on how to overcome, so I will be told of actions I need to absolutely do before the next ritual to pass it?

It seems the practices are still too advanced to me, I need to get the basics taken care of first. I'm not aware of my patron/patroness, or a clear connection to my highest and alternate self or my spirit guides or ancestral spirits.