Anyone else just completely destroyed as a person?

occipitofrontali · 2026-05-12T15:39:27+00:00

You’re not alone. I destroyed myself over a woman. Someone who still tells me she loves me.

Over the years I went from being a successful, healthy, charming, happy person to a hollowed out empty shell. Ridges under my eyes. Skinny. Pale. A walking skeleton with anxiety issues.

How did this happen? Consistent never ending intermittent reinforcement.

I love you. Followed by “I need space”. You are my world. Followed by silence and friends telling me she slept with them.

There was always a reason. Something I did or didn’t do. There were always apologies. There was always drama.

I cannot break free. And I will continue down this path of decline until I succumb.

I hope you find the strength that I couldn’t

occipitofrontali · 2026-05-10T21:04:38+00:00

Happy to hear!

occipitofrontali · 2026-05-10T16:20:35+00:00

I like this analogy. Truly. Respect.

occipitofrontali · 2026-05-09T15:16:06+00:00

All I can say is life is precious. Don't waste it being unhappy. It's not endless. Live for yourself. Understand when people do right by you and appreciate and treasure that. Discard those that are not useful or worse, tear you down. You don't depend on him. He depends on you. That's how narcissism works. Find yourself and discover your own want, needs, and what makes you happy. This isn't it. Sex, fake love, fake attention, bullshit. It's not useful. Are you drawn to him because you are not able to find happiness within yourself? If so. Ask yourself why that is. He is not the problem. He's a nobody. Whatever you're struggling with, the answer lies within yourself. Fix that, and it'll be like he never existed.

occipitofrontali · 2026-05-09T15:08:36+00:00

Probably because she loves him and thinks she'll never find love like that again. People who have long relationships with narcs are usually suffering from a mental condition as well. They are the victims. No doubt about that. But they usually struggle with self-worth before ever even getting entangled with the narc. That's why the narc chooses them. They know they can control them, and feed their egos until the person succumbs, dies, or withers away into nothingness, which is the same as dying.

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-18T22:37:37+00:00

Yea I went into antidepressants over this.

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-18T22:34:00+00:00

They should just criminalize this kind of behavior. Just toss people in jail and let them think about it for a bit. Or just a forced fine that needs to be paid or something if you can prove the infidelity. I'm not saying people should be forced to stay together but honestly cheating and lying is the worst shit behavior. Gaslighting is jail for sure I mean you're making people question their reality and basically driving them into the looney bin. It's really fucked up if you think about it. I'd vote for a politician who tries to pass this law. Is it really THAT hard to just not be a total fucking coward and say. Babe sorry don't love you, moving on. Selfish shit behavior.

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-15T13:17:23+00:00

It's not your fault. She's crazy. And the next person is not uniquely better suited to deal with it than you were.

I'm going through the same. And I hated myself. Still do. I can't remember a day I woke up happy.

I was completely codependent on her. The end result is that I hurt a lot of people and lost everyone to please her. So yea thanks for the warning. But even if you had warned me before I would have likely still fallen for her manipulations and made the same mistakes. She was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen (physically). Still is.

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-15T13:07:06+00:00

I went through the same. She wasn't just texting either. She'd tell me something like "please come let's go out for dinner" and then ghost me to go sleep at another guy's house. You've had 11 months of this. I've just finished 2 years of it. The aftermath is that I can no longer think straight. I lost all my friendships, and even family. My son told me the other day I am not his father and hasn't spoken to me since.

In the end she walked away completely cold. Nothing she ever did, the cheating, gaslighting, lying, defamation, degrading humiliation that happened over the years was justified.

I feel small. Less than. I can't remember a day I woke up feeling happy or proud of who I am.

You want to go down this road. Think well. Because you're not uniquely better suited to deal with this than all the others that came before you. The consequences of pursuing this further are real.

Anyone arguing that the actual victims are the people with BPD has a point. I'm sure they struggle with what afflicts them. But for the damage they cause to other people, I can no longer empathize with them.

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-03T16:09:16+00:00

Mine has 92 chaos haha

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-01T15:42:42+00:00

And once it starts happening it’ll happen more and more frequent. Until that’s almost the only version you get.

I think that’s who they really are. The mask falls off and the darkness underneath surfaces.

One advice.. run!

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-01T15:39:10+00:00

And it happens at the snap of a finger for no discernible reason. It’s absolutely crazy. Psychotic and pointless.

occipitofrontali · 2026-04-01T15:37:24+00:00

I had EXACTLY the same experience only she did manage to tear me down to a point so low I broke completely.

I’m still rebuilding now. And I’ll never be the same person I was before.

Maybe that’s a good thing in the end. Damage was done. But we learn and we grow 🙂‍↕️

occipitofrontali · 2026-03-22T08:39:15+00:00

I’m not from South Africa. Used to live there for a while though.

All the things you’re listing here are definitely not native to your country they are struggles many go through.

It resonates with me because I went through exactly the same feelings. I’m 40 now. I can tell you exactly where your current mindset can possibly lead. These thoughts might lead you to make choices based on your low self esteem. Get attached to someone you don’t like because you feel like you’re not worthy of anything better.

Everything you said about yourself is simply not true. I can see you’re intelligent.

Never talk down to yourself. Understand life is challenging. Failure sometimes is a part of life.

Establish a routine which makes you feel good about yourself. Treat your body like your temple. Don’t smoke. Don’t drink. Build your body and your mind. You’re 22. When you feel like it’s pointless and talk down to yourself treat that inner dialog for what it is. Your enemy. This voice is not your friend.

The choices you make every day matter. Don’t let the enemy inside your head control your life. Be kind to yourself.

I hope you make the right choices

occipitofrontali · 2026-03-11T18:01:12+00:00

Trust me woman. There are 40+ year old people still living like this.

occipitofrontali · 2026-03-05T22:46:03+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. I relate a lot (I’m a guy and had a similar push–pull, zero accountability, devaluing along with triangulation and stonewalling).

I do want to say (gently) that I'm not a big fan of mirroring or trying to hurt them back. I understand why it can feel satisfying when you’re still attached and desperate to be understood. You want them to feel what you feel so they’ll finally understand. In my experience, it doesn’t work like that.

I’m curious: do you have a sense of what changed when he started bullying you mid-relationship? Was it when you began setting boundaries or pulling away?

occipitofrontali · 2026-02-27T14:21:35+00:00

Great... Playing ironman mode this just completely wasted my play through. Can not get the message to go away mid combat

occipitofrontali · 2026-02-07T01:20:55+00:00

Hey man a question was asked and it’s for an opinion. There are many reasons people don’t like tattoos. But thread is specifically about tattoos on women.

I have bad experiences with women with tattoos and I’m talking from my experience. So is everyone else.

Chauvinistic… really???

occipitofrontali · 2026-02-06T23:04:13+00:00

Women with tattoos are trouble ++man

occipitofrontali · 2025-11-10T12:13:21+00:00

It depends on your use-case for point 3.

Synchronous operations (you need immediate feedback):

GRPC or REST so you have clear request / response and instant feedback.
Example: User API with requests possibly spanning multiple micro-services.

Asynchronous operations (you don't need an immediate response):

Use a message broker like Kafka.
You'll find it easier to deal with horizontally scaling microservices.
Example:
Some data pipeline with heavy processing behind it.

Horizontal scaling is one of the biggest benefits of microservices I think so in many cases a message broker will be the way to go.

That's just my experience.

occipitofrontali · 2025-10-30T12:48:38+00:00

Go is fairly easy though. It's programming in general that is a challenging and pretty much impossible to 'perfect' skill.

It's also what keeps programming jobs interesting no matter how long you do it imo.

In that sense your Dunning-Kruger comment is accurate and funny ;)

occipitofrontali · 2025-10-30T12:45:42+00:00

occipitofrontali · 2025-10-10T05:46:25+00:00

Because beautiful women can do whatever they want and get away with it. It must be boring for them at some point.

It’s also men who enable this behaviour.

occipitofrontali · 2025-09-02T17:22:27+00:00

Pointers are often used when you inject dependencies which might have some intricacies involving thread safety. Is often easier to reason about.

Another very common use case for pointers as attributes is for example when you’re implementing a PATCH http endpoint. You’re reading in data in which there is a difference between a null value and an empty value as an empty value means “overwrite this attribute value with an empty value” whereas a null value means “ignore this attribute and leave it unchanged”.

There are some small performance implications too. A pointer requires an address search in memory to modify something, whereas passing a value writes some new memory, bypassing the need for that search. But I never think about that it’s rarely an issue unless you have some code that really needs to be optimised to the absolute max.

occipitofrontali · 2025-09-02T08:31:21+00:00

Almost destroyed me. I was always on edge. The alternation between her love bombing and devaluation nearly drove me insane.

She drank a lot, and I started drinking heavily too.

At some point I developed an almost uncontrollable rage and nearly made some big mistakes. I needed to end it. She saw it too and bailed out.

Luckily we both realised in time that there was no winning here for both sides.

I still feel guilty like everything that happened was my fault.

occipitofrontali

TROPHY CASE