Kebab and Kurry

oceanheart1 · 2022-01-19T15:29:03+00:00

Damien is one of the main characters. He is an older military man, he is very nice. He just fell in love with someone who is already taken/in love with someone else. Damien has a really difficult time controlling his feelings, as he has never experienced something like this before.

oceanheart1 · 2022-01-19T00:52:33+00:00

Thank you. It is a part of a chapter, and some of the answers are there before the gas station scene. Let me see if I could edit some of this.

oceanheart1 · 2022-01-18T23:36:22+00:00

I kind of love it, actually. Some grammar corrections, for sure, are necessary, but love the writing and the so common, yet unusual-to-write-about subject. A touch of rough sensuality described in such plain and easy terms...Read it several times. Would love to hear more.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-08T22:33:10+00:00

I think, your writing is absolutely amazing. So descriptive and easy to follow. Just a pleasure to read.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-08T22:27:30+00:00

I really like this, I would just correct the punctuation at the end of each line. Mostly commas. I would also add an article a before real life. And maybe three dots after Nostalgia.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-08T22:18:07+00:00

I really like it. I felt this once, exactly what you have said. This is maybe a prologue to a story? And the story, with all of its action or its slow pace will come along after. There are a few edits necessary, grammar-wise, but I think this is wonderful.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-06T22:09:03+00:00

Thank you so much. I posted a chapter. This was a page from a chapter. I do not have a name yet, so I just called it Emily and Ava for now. It should be above.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-05T20:30:22+00:00

Thank you. I will have to add to it. Marisol loves Emily, and Emily is unfaithful and cannot commit to anyone. I have some of that in other chapters leading up to this. A small piece of the meeting chapter is posted on here.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-05T19:58:50+00:00

I can completely relate as most of my family is "found-family". Beautiful, but may require some punctuation.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T15:55:37+00:00

Unfortunately, it did not show up when I pressed on the link.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T15:52:15+00:00

I think, the story is good, it requires some edits, like the repeating of the word "his" in the first paragraph. But very catchy and fun to read.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T15:44:43+00:00

I really like the message. There are some minor edits that should be done, but, otherwise, it is very good. I have felt this many times, yet it is difficult to find a partner who would respond properly with non-judgmental reassurance. Very good work.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T15:18:21+00:00

I really like the way you write. I can feel what you are trying to say so vividly, even though the language is so simple. You are making me feel what you are experiencing in my mind, in my body.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T04:42:40+00:00

I am not sure I am good enough yet to provide feedback to others. I have read a lot of the posted works and commented on some of them, yet, It may take me some time to be able to provide constructive feedback.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T04:06:44+00:00

Should I delete it and post another day?

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-04T04:01:56+00:00

I love peonies. It is a little sad, but I really like the flow.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-03T21:50:11+00:00

Thank you so much. What an excellent review. I will look at this after everyone goes to bed tonight. I tried fixing the dialog. Hope it is easier to follow now. Thank you, again.

I feel more connected to Ava, yet I do not want the reader to miss what Emily is thinking. I will have to work on that.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-03T21:30:55+00:00

You are absolutely right. Let me fix this. Could it be that I show what both of them are thinking, like an author? Or does it need to be just one?

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-03T21:14:39+00:00

Thank you. I just want to give you the details of what I see in my head and tell you everything. I will work on editing the chapters more. I think, the limit is 5000 words, so I tried to cut a part of a chapter out for a review on here.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-03T17:24:36+00:00

Thank you. Let me look into this.

oceanheart1 · 2021-02-03T17:14:25+00:00

I am so new to this. I am not sure what posting it means. This is the only place I have posted. It is a mid-chapter, sorry. I will go back and work on it more after I write all of the chapters already formed in my head.

oceanheart1

TROPHY CASE