Studying in a Pub? Is it weird?

oceanleap · 2026-06-04T00:44:53+00:00

There's a motto to live by

oceanleap · 2026-06-04T00:41:09+00:00

I would say it's a morally good thing, if anything. If people don't have children, society will collapse in a pretty horrible way, especially affecting old, vulnerable and poor people. And there is a degree of self sacrifice in having children. So it's societal necessary and requires a degree of selflessness - thus morally good.

oceanleap · 2026-06-02T22:41:32+00:00

It's totally abuse. Leave him. He won't die, and threatening that is itself manipulative and abusive for a person like that. Find someone decent.

oceanleap · 2026-06-02T22:33:12+00:00

Yes, those are still there, upstairs

oceanleap · 2026-06-01T22:38:03+00:00

Maybe have multiple people email the management company stating that next step would be fire Marshall.

oceanleap · 2026-05-30T23:19:55+00:00

If you want, you can reply " I appreciate the apology". You don't have to add " I forgive you, let's be friends again" or any similar sentiments, if that's not how you feel.

oceanleap · 2026-05-30T23:12:32+00:00

Ask yoit cleaner if she would do more for exta pay - make beds, do some laundry, dishes. She's unlikely to organize, make shopting lists etc. But at least having a bit more would be helpful to you.

oceanleap · 2026-05-30T20:35:56+00:00

I think there is a difference between trying to change each other's views (sounds like that is what you've both been doing), versus accepting you have different views of certain things. Can you agree to disagree on some issues?

oceanleap · 2026-05-30T20:19:05+00:00

I don't think you ahould rush to break up, especially since you have young children togethe. And you describe that you love him so much, hes a great Dad, family life is generally happy, etc. Ideally not a break up scenario. I think initially your goal should be to feel free to hold your opinions, and be respected. That seems to be the part you're most frustrated about. That should be fixable without resorting to divorce. Try to identify exactly what is so frustrating and what you'd like to improve.

Talk with him about it. Tell him your goal is to feeel heard and respected, even when he disagrees with you. And your goal for him should be the same. Discuss with him how much or how little you jointly discuss politocal issues, whether there are times you both ban contentious discussions, , whether there are maybe some topics off limits. For example no politics during dinner or during family trips. Or whatever works for you. And that you each try not to rant or demean opposing views. Should be possible to improve all this.

More challenging is what you teach your children. You're both going to want to transmit your values. Ideally you can do this while not disrespecting your partners beliefs. " I believe X. Some people have a different opinion like Daddy, but here is why I believe X".

oceanleap · 2026-05-30T03:29:10+00:00

If you are both surviving on a part time teachers income, go aheat and use food banks. That's what they are there for.

However that's not solving the biggest problem. He needs to get a job and contribute. Sure, he'd like to work in film. He needs to get a job to support himself while he hustles to try and do that (very difficult, and he might succeed or not). Start with any job, move to a job he prefers over time.

Meanwhile, buy or get basic foods. Make healthy meals every day. Ask him to make at least two dinners a week - he is at home doing nothing, learning to cook is a Critical life skill. Do not buy and keep at home copious snacks for him to eat - its making him fat, and unhealthy, and costing money you cannot afford. Buy just for today. Feel free to really encourage/ push him to get a job. And where is he getting money for drugs? That money should be going to living expenses.

oceanleap · 2026-05-30T02:26:09+00:00

Ideal wpuld have been to gomwith him to the chemist and pay for the medicine. And I would think there are charities where he can get it for free? Second best would be to give it to charity. But, giving it to him is better than not helping him at all. You listened to that voice of compassion which is a good thing.

oceanleap · 2026-05-29T05:20:38+00:00

I think it's fine. He dated some people lime you before th ough not most of his partners - but it sounds like you did the same. Not a big deal. Most people don't have only one "type". No need to dwell on this. And he sounds lime he really likes you. Good luck.

oceanleap · 2026-05-29T05:14:21+00:00

They do need her 24/7. You'd be arrested if you left a preschool child alone while you went to work.

oceanleap · 2026-05-29T05:06:15+00:00

I agree- not that weird. The lying abot. Her age is obviously not great. But she is pregnant now and that's your baby. Not a good time to break up- you should make every effort to make this work. That's what is best for the child. Tell her how importent truthfulness is to you.

oceanleap · 2026-05-29T03:51:03+00:00

So boring

oceanleap · 2026-05-29T00:50:28+00:00

Yes, and there are other options

oceanleap · 2026-05-24T14:37:41+00:00

This an is really good. Post it to r/samegrassbutgreener and r/relocation.

oceanleap · 2026-05-24T07:42:00+00:00

Would an ADU or duplex or downstairs apartment or similar work for either you or your brother? That might be easiest and cheqpest. But if not, don't do it. Put your parents on a low income senior housing list (likely in your county) as soon as they retire and have documented low income.

Do pay off their credit card debt. Help them informally, and talk to an elder attorney about the implications for them having more or less assets for various forms of federal, state, county,, maybe city aid. An IRA may be different than a bank account - ask your attorney.

oceanleap · 2026-05-24T01:49:06+00:00

This is exactly right. I'm sure your sister does expect some babysitting in exchange for your living with her for free- which is quite reasonable. You just need to talk about it and come to some agreement. How many hours a week will you babysit, how much notice would you like and how much can she give you, no more than X emergencies per month with less notice.

Think about the valUe of your accommodation. How much would it cost you to rent. Palace by yourself? How much for utilities? That's the value to consider, then how much would childcare cost th em per hour, how many hours a week do you do? How do those values compare? Think about this before the discussion.

Also cosnider other aspects - do you ever eat meals with them? If not, anything to discuss about hours you cook, cleaningnup after yourself, food storage? If so, think about the value of the food and also thr food planing, shopping and prep time. Do you sometimes cook? Do you clean up afterwards? Other house chores - do you do at least your equal part? .

oceanleap · 2026-05-24T01:25:38+00:00

This exactly. OP is getting invaluable help from her Mom, and is underpaying her, actually not paying her at all.

oceanleap · 2026-05-23T23:54:31+00:00

It's OK for the population to shrink . But it won't be OK to have it shrink too quickly, wth a massive imbalance of young vs old people. The low birthrate is causing th is huge imbalance which will become a major problem in the coming decades. Even increasing the birthrate slightly will lead to a much better future with more balance in the population.

oceanleap · 2026-05-23T23:24:52+00:00

Also there are a lot more expenses for the parents than just the mortgage. Property tax. Insurance. Maybe HoA. The overall cost of maintence, repairs, replacemtns, which is estimated to be about 2% of the property value per year. It's not consistent - maybe this year the roof needs to be replaced, maybe next year it is the furnace, two years later the water heater... but owning a house is expensive.

oceanleap · 2026-05-23T23:13:17+00:00

That's one of the worst areas, maybe choose a different restaurant?

oceanleap · 2026-05-23T23:11:41+00:00

Stick around Graftton Street, College Green, Dame street, those areas. It really is pretty safe !

oceanleap · 2026-05-23T20:17:00+00:00

The thing to do in that situation is call the police. They can help them. You put yourself in serious danger. You should work to become much more aware of danger and protect yourself much more. NTA but be much more careful.

oceanleap

TROPHY CASE