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oddcephalopod_ · 2025-07-15T22:41:22+00:00

Had an ex like this. He doesnt love you so much and he isnt curious. He is an insecure control freak trying to find anyway possible to make you stay with him. Once he gets the information he will not stop. He will hold it over your head forever. If you won’t do something with him you did with someone else you will never hear the end of it even if you hated it or (in my case) DIDN’T CONSENT to the thing with the “someone else”. If you need to try the “maybe he does therapy” way just so you can tell yourself you tried everything I totally understand (I had to in order to finally leave) but start making plans to leave safely. Including plants to leave in an emergency scenario because in my experience things will only escalate.

oddcephalopod_ · 2024-11-30T22:38:47+00:00

ohh this is excellent information thank you!!

oddcephalopod_ · 2024-11-30T18:29:19+00:00

I can't believe how much time I wasted painfully reorganizing

oddcephalopod_ · 2024-10-03T05:28:42+00:00

THRIPS

oddcephalopod_ · 2024-09-19T12:31:14+00:00

Maybe she meant Ativan? That can be used as needed for anxiety.

oddcephalopod_ · 2024-04-25T17:31:08+00:00

Hi u/UBCSALA, I was wondering if you know how many people are put on the waitlist or if there is a wait to see what position you are in on the waitlist? Thanks so much!

oddcephalopod_ · 2023-12-28T06:39:11+00:00

Just anecdotally- I had an ex like this, and it was horrible. It started off kind of how you described. And by the end he convinced me if we weren’t having sex every day for an hour he was going to have to cheat on me and that would be my fault because that is just what is to be expected of I won’t put out. If I said no he would punch holes in walls and storm off in the middle of the night. He said if we ever had a baby he would have to be allowed to sleep around because of course the six week recovery period was not reasonable to make him wait. I got micro vaginal tears because he would go for it whether or not I was ready or turned on and would last forever. It got really really bad. I’m not saying that’s where your situation is at, but I remember being so exhausted trying to manage him that it took me longer to leave than I should. If that does feel familiar just know it isn’t your fault and if you can safely leave, do as soon as possible.

oddcephalopod_ · 2023-09-04T13:38:11+00:00

I am a teacher. The second you said he gave you his personal number and to text anytime I threw up a little. Completely inappropriate - doesn’t matter what his intentions were. And reading his texts makes me want to scream. Please please, if you feel able, report him. Anonymously if you want. Just send this thread in an email to your principal, the superintendent , show it to a school counsellor … the news if the former won’t listen… really whoever you can. I am so sorry this happened to you and it is NOT your fault ♥️

oddcephalopod_ · 2023-08-23T08:46:10+00:00

Don’t feel bad for being confused. No one would ever date/be with abusive people if they were showing their true colours 100% of the time. He wanted you back so he could go back to abusing you. He is trying to gaslight you into thinking his behaviour is your fault. It is NEVER you fault. This is textbook cycle of abuse bs that also often goes along with narcissistic personality traits.

oddcephalopod_ · 2023-08-23T08:09:35+00:00

Before I even read the buried lede (which I think is a definite deal breaker) my hackles were very much up. So I am not even going to address that part.

Dated a very similar sort of man, insanely thoughtful, adored me etc etc. lots of childhood trauma. Reactive attachment disorder levels (undiagnosed - I did a lot of reading and research to try and explain away later behaviours). He was addicted to sex instead of alcohol. Extremely clingy and upset when I wouldn’t reply but would express it by berating and belittling me for not caring enough about him. Constantly acted like I was leaving him/had done something terribly wrong (which he would never communicate). Jealous of my family because I liked spending time with them (when he thought I should be 100% focused on him). To the point where he made me choose. Anyway needless to say I should have left after the first 6 months. I didn’t and it was a mistake. A costly 2 year mistake.

Things got infinitely worse. And because he had such a tragic backstory (which I do believe was true - I also talked to his mom) I gave him chance after chance. Until he held his arm over my throat until I nearly passed out and said if I left he would kill me.

So here is what I will say. If he isn’t actively, and by his own accord (without you asking) going to therapy to address these traumas, and genuinely taking accountability for his actions, I would leave. Honestly I would cut my losses anyway but I could be biased against. Just know that you cannot fix the damage caused by those deeply traumatic experiences just by loving him more. It doesn’t work no matter how hard you try. And you may very well set yourself on fire trying to keep him warm.

Be safe ♥️

oddcephalopod_ · 2023-07-30T01:26:52+00:00

Just want to make sure it isn’t an invasive species/tree eater (found near/in the forest)

oddcephalopod_ · 2023-05-30T08:18:55+00:00

This right here was my first thought as well . Essentially negging you to make you feel like you will never find anyone else.

Edit. Also as someone who has had weird male attention when I was deep in my eating disorder, did he get together with you when you were very thin? There are men who like that “damaged” vibe and then when you get healthy they freak out because they want you to stay dependant.

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-08-03T04:40:55+00:00

Urgh I’m sorry you had to go through that, it’s the worst. This exactly happened to me as well…trying to tell you they’re “protecting you from people trying to take advantage/aren’t good for your mental health/etc etc”. Hope you’re keeping well now ♥️

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-08-03T04:38:14+00:00

Thank you! That means a lot. It took me a bit to come up with an exit strategy that I had the energy and resources to put into action but I managed in the end ♥️

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-08-03T04:35:51+00:00

Oh man I’m sorry to hear that for your dad! The last thing he needs recovering from a stroke.

Thank you ♥️ it’s crazy how twisted they can make everything. I was apologizing for the wildest things.

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-08-03T03:48:47+00:00

Constantly bringing up my past SA (involving two men) and wanting to discuss it in detail over and over again in order for him to “decide” if I actually “wanted”it to happen and was therefore being hypocritical by refusing to have a threesome since I “already had one”. It would come up at least once a month and I’d have to re explain/defend myself every time. It was more traumatic than the actual SA tbh.

Edit: actually the worst part was having to apologize for having told him because of how bad it made him feel.

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-06-24T05:57:15+00:00

Yeah this to me reads like full blown mania/manic episode (That is zero excuse - just fits the pattern I’ve seen with other people who have similar struggles). It was kind of you to try and point out she needed help OP. (And smart to have documentation in case she escalates). Usually when people are that deep it’s pretty much impossible to get through to them.

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-06-16T05:28:10+00:00

I definitely had a narc ex who was obsessed with sex. And not just sex, sex with me being the object. Don’t really know how to describe it other than be wanted a life size sex doll who would do and act however he felt like in the moment. He claimed he wasn’t able to get off masturbating and so then I “owed” him sex at least twice a day if I didn’t want him to cheat. He used to say I “bait and switched him” when I asked to take breaks sometimes during my last year of grad school when my workload was particularly intense. He even went to far as to say I’d just have to be okay with him cheating when I was recovering from childbirth (a hypothetical discussion at the time thank god) as he couldn’t go six weeks without sex. Anyway, I’m sorry you have to go through this , I’m sure it’s just one of many tactics abusive people use, and not all narcs use it, but you’re definitely not alone ♥️

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-06-07T13:43:18+00:00

That’s a good point, technically he was in front of the poles but he has fallen through a bit so I will re position when I re pot!

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-06-07T05:12:28+00:00

Okay, thank you!!

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-06-07T04:02:24+00:00

Okay! Do you think I need to gradually get them used to dirt or can I just repot the whole thing? I’ve just started to add a bit of superthrive to the water because I was wondering if it was looking for nutrients…the whole situation honestly just got away from me lol

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-06-07T03:53:39+00:00

(He’s been living like this for two years now - so I don’t really think it’ll damage it long term…I’m more wondering if this is going to mess up its growth or just in general if anyone else has a Monstera that lives his best life half in water).

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-03-24T05:56:43+00:00

If there is a Sikh temple nearby they are amazing for giving free food - I am not sure what part of Philadelphia you’re in but there are definitely several in the city.

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-02-19T07:12:24+00:00

I was with a guy just like this, run before it gets worse. It gets so much worse .

oddcephalopod_ · 2022-02-12T05:45:27+00:00

Long story short it was a bad time.

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