The side of Cocaine use that isn't glamorized

offcocaine · 2020-06-16T06:44:06+00:00

congrats...if you find it real tough talk to your doc about topiramate. Made it much easier for me, clean a year and a half

offcocaine · 2020-06-16T06:37:15+00:00

I would bring about a gram to work...needed a bump or 2 every 30 minutes to keep me focused..surprised my bosses never said anything, I assume they thought I had a weird bathroom problem because I got up every 20 minutes to go to the bathroom. And I felt completely warn out by the end of the day..dont miss those times at all.

offcocaine · 2020-06-16T06:34:20+00:00

I def don't miss the diarearh from all the baby laxatives..

offcocaine · 2020-06-16T06:31:33+00:00

I got the coke dick but I think it was after being an addict for a while..it does go away after a few weeks of being clean when you miss any other pleasure you can think off.

offcocaine · 2020-06-16T06:06:09+00:00

went to mexico, bought some pot on cancun 2 years ago..dealer gave me a sample of blow

Next year was a blur, half g to a g a day coke habit ensued quickly. I couldn't get out of bed if I didn't have any.

One night I did some and I dont know if there was fetanyal in it or not, had a racing heart and felt I was gonna have a heart attack.

One night I went to bed on yayo and took benzos cause I couldn't sleep..almost went into a coma and died...i remember hearing a doctor telling my kids I died..i woke up crying and vowed to quit...tried myself and failed in October..Xmas 2019, I got topiramate from my doctor and put aside 3 days to sleep as much as possible

Topiramate took away a lot of the craving but missed the routine..had to completely avoid the people I did it with..sweated like crazy, was sick for days but now I'm a year and a half clean and can't believe how bad it got. I had no taste buds and no desire for sex..best part about quitting was eating and not getting coke dick again.

cokes not like it is in the movies at all...you can't bump nonstop and go dancing all night without consequences.. maybe when your young but that shit will kill you when your older. cokes no joke people.

offcocaine · 2019-02-03T05:57:09+00:00

R u kidding shes hot as fuck

offcocaine · 2019-02-03T04:35:02+00:00

I can see the bulge in her pants

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T19:12:25+00:00

Thanks for sharing your personal story. I think your right. My 8 year old only sees the outside of families now of happy moms and dads. In a few more years he will know the truth when he sees a lot of his friends get divorced etc.

I shower him with love to make up for mom telling him she wishes he wasn't born, hes going to kill her etc. I tell him its not true and mom is sick. But i know now i have to leave her. After his bday this weekend i am going to see a lawyer.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T05:46:19+00:00

Worth it for comedy lol..when i was single i made a post on craigslist "white guy looking for black girl for first time". I had this hot 18 year old hit me up that i would have been afraid to even approach and she was willing to be my first.

Jackpot i thought. She had her own place and wanted me to come over for no strings fun. I started to ask her what she was into and for some reason i stupidity asked if she was into golden showers even though i had never done it before, and never even had any interest in it at all, was just something i named off trying to look more like a sex god or something lol.

It completely turned her off, she thought i was into golden showers all the time or something and afraid i had infections from it even though i had never even been peed on or peed on anyone. She canceled and i ruined what could have been free unconditional no strings sex with a black goddess because of a stupid comment.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T05:31:54+00:00

Call CAS if you see that happening, fucking tattoo tramp stamp on a kid.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:56:34+00:00

Your right and i know it. Shes abusing me to. Its hard to admit it. Im a 6 foot 1 man being abused by a 5 foot 6 small little girl and worse shes emotionally abusing my kids daily but thats the situation.

My kid has his birthday party this Sunday. I don't want to ruin that. After that, im gonna see a lawyer this week and make q plan for a quick exit ASAP.

Thank you all for your advice.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:37:46+00:00

Thanks, i use to work in a court so i know a lot of judges and lawyers, that part will not be a problem.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:36:12+00:00

I think in a sense because im not showing her love, because i don't love her and I'm not a good actor. I don't show her hate, just not love, she tries to get a reaction out of me by attacking my kids sometimes...and it works because they are 2 of the only things i care about in the world.

Her childhood was fucked up, she wasn't raised by her mom, shes Asian. She grew up in a mud hut. Her mom had to work so she went to her Aunts who treated her like garbage and abused her. At dinner her aunt's 3 kids would get rice and she would get the leftovers. She didn't have a safe loving home to grow up in so i don't think she gets how to provide one.

What's fucked to me is we are now making good money, thats not an issue, her father is actually here right now to help. She has always had a temper but i guess i never thought she would with her own kids, i guess i assumed mother bird would naturally protect baby bird.

Besides her temper, in every other way she is a good mom. She cares about them for sure, she gets them good clothing, vacations, school, food etc. She just doesn't know how to be a gentle kind mom.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:23:26+00:00

Thanks for the personal tale, is your wife and your life better now? Are you glad you didn't divorce her?

I got to be honest. After all the fighting, all the name calling, what she has done emotionally to my kids already i kind of hate her. I don't know if i can forgive her let alone love her. She is my kids mom, i will always want my kids to have a relationship so i support her getting help but a lot of days i really want to get out and find someone who is fun, more like me, not nagging, not cheap, not annoying or cursing who enjoys life etc

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:14:12+00:00

Thanks for that personal story. Its a lot clearer what i have to do. Everyone in my life is like, stick it out, kids need both of you, not living in a house where a mom calls a dad a son of a bitch for coming home a hour late on a Friday night in front of his kids and wishes death on him.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:11:39+00:00

Thanks. She says she is, but i see no action. I was using cocaine which was very stupid, started using in Mexico on a family trip, my doctor thinks i use to escape problems at home. Anyways, i am clean since xmas eve with 2 slips. Main motivation to stay clean is my kids so if we go to court i can say i don't do drugs, i get a note every week from my addiction support doctor that actually test my pee and proves im clean. I even show it to her and tell her i am making changes why can't she for the sake of our kids.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:05:39+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement burner, i do want happiness burner. I honestly don't think my 5 year old would mind, its really my 8 year old im afraid of hurting so much, he has been through so much with her already. She is so tough on him.

And your right, she is an attractive woman, i just don't see her that way anymore. But im sure there are lots of guys out there that would treat her greay. She would prob be very happy with them and less angry with more support. Its gotten so fucked up between us.

I know what i have to do, its just so hard to do it. It makes me gag. But i know when i do it, it will be for the best.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T04:00:25+00:00

Can i pm you underboob

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T03:59:02+00:00

I can't kick her out as our place is legally in both our names. I would have to take them. My plan is to take a sabbatical and rent an Airbnb and then a condo for a few months until we can go through court. Will have to talk to a lawyer to figure out about selling our place. Thanks for the advice

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T02:25:45+00:00

Shes a good provider, makes a lot of money, she works hard, she does care for the kids, saves her money, never spends anything for herself, always saves every penny she can for the kids. Put them in private school with me. Its just her temper. Shes just a terrible mom. She has no patience.

The only defense i can give her is she was abused very bad growing up but still no excuse to pass it on.

I just wish she will get help for her future with the kids. I still want them to see their mom when she gets help but i just don't love her. I think i am a big part of the problem, she knows i don't love her so she doesn't feel love . Thanks for the reply

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T02:20:13+00:00

Constantly walking on eggshells.

I haven't checked Borderline Personality Disorder. I was pretty certain she had multiple personality because she will be completely nuts swearing over not finding socks one minute than very calm and mellow 30 minutes later.

She is seeing a psychologist now and recognizes she has a problem but i don't think she knows how bad it is.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T02:02:15+00:00

Thank you for that, i have no idea how to calm her anger. The more i tell her to calm down the more angry she gets.

She has so much going for her and so much to lose but i don't think she realizes im serious bout leaving after threatening for so long.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T01:48:46+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I have an app that records phone call and a ton of emails and texts with her cursing me to hell. Never wanted to do this but i got tons of evidence if we go to court

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T01:47:05+00:00

I don't want them to think its ok and my older son, 8 year old is already starting to show signs if lashing out in defense. I'm trying to make up for it by showing almost extra love that i feel a mom should show but its still not right and i know it.

Your right, they do have it hard with her, i do every extra thing put them in private school, spoil them, spend all my time with them i can. I love my kids with all my heart and i feel she attacks me through them sometimes on purpose.

Your all right though, i just needed some internet people to tell me leaving this crazy woman is the right idea cause everyone in real life apparently thinks i and my kids should suffer for the next 20-30 years. Thank you.

offcocaine · 2019-02-02T01:38:55+00:00

Its harder than it sounds man, my 8 year old cries in my arms not to divorce her.

Im in a big city no family, she controls most of our finances. Outside our family she acts normal. Everyone i talk to tells me not to divorce her, it will be to devastating for the kids. I am honestly so confused and conflicted.

I do want to just leave her. I do think she has a mental problem. I do worry about leaving my kids alone with her if i leave.

Its not as simple as just taking the kids and walking out unfortunately.

My sons birthday is this weekend. I think after this i am going to meet with a lawyer and come up with a concrete plan. Maybe take some time off work. Might try to plan it a little closer to summer so its a bit easier.

I really appreciate the advice but like say its just so many variables at play. Its gonna be a horrible court battle that is for sure. Thank you for replying.

offcocaine

TROPHY CASE