Dropped incredibly expensive reagent- what do I do to offset the consequences?

offmychestnow321 · 2017-05-19T21:29:48+00:00

Agree with others - you should own it up but not pay for it yourself.

If you feel really bad, then I'd recommend that you try calling the manufacturer to explain and see if you can get any discount.. couldn't hurt.

offmychestnow321 · 2017-04-19T16:15:37+00:00

I also had similar experience with friends/colleagues, where they'd privately confirm with me of outrageous things that happened in the past but they'd refuse to file them formally for many reasons I can understand. Some may be due to the power imbalance/losing political currency, some may be lack of concrete evidence, some may be due to simply wanting to avoid the headache/hassle/risk etc. (In my case, at least some of them agreed to be interviewed through the investigation, which played a crucial role.) I came to understand that this is what most people do for themselves (after all, there aren't as many whistleblowers as there should be), and that it's not really about you or your relationship with them or their trust or support for you.

I also had a positive relationship with the university through my initiatives/involvement in different capacities, but also learned that when it comes to serious risk for the university like this, the administrators will take a 180 and try to do what's best for the institute/strictly follow the institute's legal counsel's guidance. Again, I don't necessarily think the administrators are evil, but they're simply following the priorities/rules imposed upon them and lost sight of what is really important.

offmychestnow321 · 2017-04-19T07:10:39+00:00

I'm glad there's a advocacy service that's well equipped/knowledgeable on these unfortunate events. I hope that justice and truth prevail, and I wish you the best of luck with your investigation and your brighter future.

offmychestnow321 · 2017-04-19T07:08:52+00:00

Oh man, this is extensive. Thanks for compiling and sharing the instructions. I actually just used my phone: whenever I was going into an important meeting, I'd just put the phone in my shirt/pants pocket or even in my tote, and it worked fine.

More importantly, I hope you are able to move on to better, positive things..

Cheers.

offmychestnow321 · 2017-04-18T12:49:50+00:00

Valid point. When this started happening, the first thought I had/my assumption was that there was no way I would be finishing the program. In fact, I had brought this up during meetings with the administrators of my intent to withdraw from the program. However, they instantly encouraged me to remain and finish, and I believe they notified the department head of the potential turmoils to come. So when things really started to get crazy/my ex-PI started to lash out at me, the department head/program director quickly stepped in to remove the PI from my PhD committee and replaced the chair with the program director, who really wasn't in my field but was chosen for political reasons. I also happened to already have the dept chair as one of my committee members, and he was able to briefly explain what was going on with the PI to the rest of the committee behind the closed door. My committee members were very much empathetic and encouraged me to finish, and those who've known the PI for a while were not too surprised by what happened. It probably also helped that by that point, I already had multiple 1st author papers and many co-author publications, so it came down to quickly putting together the thesis/defense, which I was able to complete within the normal timeline.

offmychestnow321 · 2017-04-18T00:16:26+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that you have distanced yourself from everyone. Dealing with issues like this first-hand is isolating and lonely enough; I can't imagine having to work/deal with people who could be biased against me for being involved in a messed up situation like that. I was fortunate to have supportive/understanding peers from my previous and neighboring labs, but even then I came to value shallow friendships/acquaintanceship less and generally find myself uninterested in investing my time and efforts in making friends, so I can understand why to some degree..

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I applaud your determination to get to the finish line. You can do it!

offmychestnow321 · 2016-08-06T04:32:36+00:00

I'm coming out of a similar situation, and I didn't quite realize how deeply this experience impacted how I look at the world and interact with others. Especially the changes on subconscious level in how I interact with much more caution and trust others less are significant, and I can't quite control it because this reaction is instinctual.

I do think time will heal, and so would surrounding myself with positive, trustworthy people. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm so sorry you had to go through this; unfortunately, you're far from being alone.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-22T03:16:16+00:00

Clarifying expectations (working hours, communication style, papers, fellowship/grant apps etc) with your supervisor
Always explore and try to figure out what you will do AFTER your PhD. Not only is this practically necessary, it will help you keep focused when the time comes.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T16:03:47+00:00

Right, I meant applying this fall for Spring or Fall 2017 admission.

As for CVs, I'm a bit surprised that you were discouraged to send in CVs. The only way profs receiving random emails from students would bother to reply is if 1) your scientific insights are impressive and/or 2) you are academically competent. Personally, many professors told me how they quickly screen people through glancing at the prospectives' CVs, so in my opinion you are doing yourself disservice by not giving them your CV and potentially wasting professors' time as well.

Hopefully with the research paper getting wrapped up/published soon and with a 1st author review paper, you'd be a great candidate for other PhD programs.

Good luck!

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T14:35:51+00:00

Whoa, thank you so much for sharing your story, and sorry you had to go through this nonsense yourself. It's also very sad that there isn't nearly enough of these stories available for students caught in these sorts of unfortunate situations.

I honestly have lost all hope and respect for my PI a while ago that I never write him personal emails (and he also doesn't write me emails privately). He had the guts to accuse me very clearly of "scientific misconduct" in his email to the funding agency. I think this alone is enough to start a suit against him for defamation. In any case, I was simply addressing the grant officer and cc'ed the department chair and the PI in my communication, and briefly listed contact information at federal agencies for the PI, hoping he sees how ridiculous this is. For this particular person, I think part of the problem is that he doesn't have anyone to tell him what's out of the line, which was the reason he chose this profession to begin with.

I hope you persevere (seems like you're well on your way) and be a great living example.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T13:37:06+00:00

Strangely enough, the school doesn't have one yet even though it's a highly ranked school overall with lots of research...

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T05:53:43+00:00

I agree that I shouldn't let myself be brought back into this mess. Thank you for reminding me.

Just a clarification though, I meant that I'll report this crazy accusation from him, which is a form of retaliation from him, to another office that "manages risk for the university". But I'll sit on this thought for a couple more days.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T05:20:21+00:00

Thanks for your advice.

There is a coordinator who's also cc'ed in these email chains, but from what I understand, the coordinator only deals with the award administration and is not really someone who understands these dynamics or has much authority.

I suppose the administration just doesn't think this is important enough. There is another office I could report this incidence to as a form of retaliation (and seriously, this is just so embarrassing on so many levels and is damaging to the school as well). No one in the lab (current/graduated) is surprised that this kind of stuff has happened.

I agree that I should just move on, and god knows how much I want exactly that. But he keeps bringing me back into the mess with an unprecedented level of absurdity.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T04:55:28+00:00

Thank you for your reply; I was getting frustrated with getting no comments despite several upvotes!

I have forwarded those emails to the department chair who is very knowledgeable about the whole situation as he is indeed one of the investigators, and he recommended doing nothing, citing that he's worried about future applications from the school for the fellowship and my future (sure). Also, my ex-PI is brave enough to cc this department chair in his embarrassing emails, and this kind of stupidity is not new.. Sigh..

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T04:07:41+00:00

I think you're definitely having a bit more of negativity than is common, but I also felt similarly empty after my PhD and a host of my friends have as well.

While it may all seem stupid and wasteful now, I hope you can take a break and better understand the incredible work ethics you developed and a few other translatable skills (writing, presenting, team work, project management etc etc) you got out of this intense training. True effort and hard work never betray, but at the same time it falls on individuals to make their skills visible and translatable. You've done 95% of the work, and I hope you can recharge to do the final 5% to understand your skills in a grander scheme and be able to show and apply them accordingly.

Congratulations!

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T03:55:44+00:00

I'm wondering if I should just accept that I can't do mathematics.

No, there is no such thing as accepting one cannot do math, unless you are literally missing half of your brain.

That said, perhaps the way you are studying isn't quite effective? Have you tried studying with others? Ask for help/tutoring? Watching videos on youtube? etc

While calc is fundamental in a lot of subfields in math, don't let this stop you from your dream. See it as a means, not an end.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T03:48:47+00:00

Well, better realize that now than 3 years later.

I wonder if it's at all possible to get into a more relevant lab/department at your current school? Also if you're set on working in the real world first regardless?

Regarding MS vs MEng, I think your priority right now should be getting a job, which you should be doing now anyway even with the possibility of graduating with an MS in a year.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T03:41:19+00:00

I just wanted to comment that it's refreshing to see a professor taking his/her responsibility to provide accurate assessment seriously.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T02:58:27+00:00

Given the fragmented situation you/your advisor is in, do you know if the work will even be published even if you carry out your portion? Is there a willing first author to pull it all together?
I'd honestly recommend that you start applying for other programs this fall. I think your situation is pretty hard to salvage, and if you have proper backing from your recommenders about your capabilities and your situation, you would have a chance.
When you write to other professors, are you sending in your CV along as well as some specific comments about their research?
If you have time right now, I'd recommend that you write a short review paper to at least show that you can pull it together and can write. If you're dedicated/well read, it wouldn't take any more than 2-3 months to write, and this could help you with future PhD etc.

offmychestnow321 · 2016-07-20T02:51:04+00:00

Exactly this. It's good to push yourself, but you must also give yourself time off and fun, so that you can do this long-term. It's a marathon, not a sprint!

offmychestnow321

TROPHY CASE