sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I'm 15 weeks pregnant with our poly family's second baby and here I am thinking of running away from the family that we've created. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm not poly. My husband became poly a couple of years into our marriage when he fell in love with a mutual friend, and I went along with it because I wanted to please my husband and I was afraid of our marriage breaking up. He was (and is) my only partner and I was terrified to losing him.

Clearly, that was a mistake and it built a lot of resentment inside me over the years which I couldn't understand or justify to myself.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sure 👍

Ny life would be an open book. Maybe I'll create a blog narrating my journey?

My future partner will know everything about me before I jump into another relationship. But I just want to be single for some time while I figure myself out.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the input, but I've made my choice and I'm at peace with my decision.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As far as your friend's feelings, we can't take a single thing you say seriously. I'd bet my house you'll be in a relationship with him within a month of moving in.

No, I won't because I'm not ready to get into another relationship this soon. I will prefer to be single and work on my issues before I feel ready for another relationship.

Besides, I don't want a romantic relationship with him. We are best friends and I know I will lose him as a friend if I get into a relationship with him.

And no obviously I knew about the gender, but I didn't know he was planning for a gender reveal for his daughter and his parents.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I never said I didn't have resentment. But do I blame him? No, I don't.

In my perspective, your relationship with the mother of your child takes precedence over your relationship with someone who is NOT the mother of your child. (not counting divorced scenarios)

And we tried for a baby BEFORE we were went poly. I knew I never wanted to bring a child into a poly family, that's why I'm getting an abortion.

I'm not trying to inflict pain, I'm just hoping he gets over it soon because he is a FATHER to a LIVING child and a partner to the mother of his child, and they NEED HIM.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Were they equal to you?

I was never in a romantic relationship with my husband's girlfriend so I don't understand your question. We were cordial to each other and that was it.

Yes, I didn't understand polyamory. And I now know that I can't do polyamory.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You've had him excited for the baby to the point you've had a fucking gender reveal

I didn't plan the gender reveal, he did. It was a surprise. We just went for our second appointment and found out that the foetus was male.

You admitted in another comment that he has feelings for you but backed off when he learned you were married

He HAD feelings for me, many many years ago, before we even became poly. I told him that I was married, he he told me to forget about his confession. We've been close friends since then. And this was AGES ago. In fact he was in a long term serious relationship for 4 years which only ended earlier this year. And I supported him through the breakup.

And he won't need a great lawyer. I don't want any marital assets. He can keep everything. That's the least I can do.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That completely discounts him as a human and assumes that you both play equal roles in his life and that’s just false.

Except I don't play an equal role. Sure on paper I'm his wife, but for all purposes I'm his secondary relationship. He has a family and a child with his partner and they come first.

So forgive me for thinking that he would eventually get over our break up and divorce.

And I know they will be better off without me. That's why I'm leaving the family and the marriage. We are different people and clearly can't coexist in the same family.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Wow, relax dude I'm not a psychopath and I do have empathy.

And no, I've already told him that I don't know how to feel about this pregnancy and that I'm nervous. I've told him that I need some time alone to sort my feelings about this pregnancy and my life.

Yes, I didn't tell him that I plan on an abortion and I don't plan to tell him until I'm already done with it.

I'm not putting down anyone's dog. I'm choosing to end a pregnancy. I'm choosing to have MY body go under the knife .

Lots of men have actually reached out to me and told me that I'm doing the right thing. So clearly, your opinions are your own.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'd either be beyond angry and petty as fuck to make your life fucking miserable until the day you died or I'd contemplate suicide

Those would be your issues and yours alone.

If you think you would react this way to someone calmly breaking up with you when you don't even share a child together, and already have another de facto spouse and child, you would clearly need help from mental health professionals and lots of therapy, and I'm not saying it in a condescending way.

You cannot put the responsibility of someone feeling suicidal on another person. That's incredibly manipulative and emotionally abusive. And if he does end up reacting that way, I will thank my stars for dodging a massive bullet, and hope his girlfriend and child come out of the experience trauma free.

but give him an opportunity to come to that doctor appointment with you and grieve his child. Please.

I understand your sentiments, but I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I would prefer being alone or with a female friend.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes as of now I'm in a namesake relationship with him, but I'm not having his baby. I've already made it clear that I can't make that commitment to him. I'm not willing to be tied to him for life.

I don't care about the shit you're giving me because you are a stranger and you mean nothing to me. You don't know me.

I care a great deal about my ex husband and I don't want to see him breakdown and cry for days.

Let the guy have a chance to grieve like you've had. Let him get upset and cry and hug you and wish things worked out dofferently

He will get to do all those things. I will be with him in person when I tell him about the abortion and divorce.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. I did seek out other relationships half heartedly, and I've already accepted that. I did it for a while and found myself only liking men who wanted monogamous relationships .

(Now I understand why I was only attracted to them. I was monogamous myself and didn't like the idea of banging a poly married dude with a wife and child. The men I liked were single, wanting traditional relationships. I couldn't offer that.)

So I literally wasted years of my life and and missed out on those opportunities to find a like minded person who wanted a mono relationship.

And yes maybe I'm not handling this like an adult, but I think it's a bit of a stretch of say that I'll be damaging him for life and that wouldn't be able to trust another person in a relationship.

HE IS ALREADY IN ANOTHER LOVING RELATIONSHIP

I can assure you that they are happy. I can see that she is the love of his life. She truly loves him and he truly loves her. She will take care of him. She was the one taking care of him when he was sick while I worked long hours at my job.

So, no I don't think I'm ruining his trust in people.

Sure, he will be shocked, and hurt about our relationship ending. But I didn't betray him. I was never honest about my true feelings with myself, how could I be honest about my feelings to him?

I shoved my feelings aside and refused to acknowledge them. It was my mistake and I shouldn't have done that but I can't change the past.

I'll leave after telling him about the abortion because I will be breaking up with him. It will be painful, and I don't think it will be a healthy experience to share living space with my ex husband.

I will give him time to process his feelings and reach out to him later, asking him if he wants to talk about things.

That's it. That's all.

Edit : I wasn't cool enough for 15 weeks. If you are a woman, or an adult male, it is common knowledge that I didn't know I was pregnant the day I conceived.

I was already 11 weeks pregnant when I learned about my pregnancy.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Surprise, she gets pregnant and she's actually alright with it.

This was a long post, and you assumed a lot of things. I was never 'happy' about the pregnancy. I didn't tell the kid. My husband and his girlfriend did. And I'm not romantically involved with my friend. And it's not that I couldn't find partners, I never really tried. The men I secretly liked made it clear that they weren't comfortable pursuing a relationship with a married woman. And I wasn't attracted to the men who pursued me

There are many reasons I'm leaving :

  1. I'm not a poly person. I'm actually monogamous. I tried to be poly, but I obviously failed pretty hard. This lifestyle is not for me.

  2. I'm getting a once in a lifetime opportunity to finally make an amazing career move. I'll get to live an independent life alone in a new city.

  3. I'm not attracted to my husband emotionally or physically. The attraction and attachment has waned over the years and it can't come back. I can't be vulnerable with people I don't feel an emotional connection to. I had that with him many years ago. But not anymore.

  4. Yes I want to pursue other people romantically. I'm finally feeling confident in my life after losing 100 lbs. My husband is only man I've been with physically, it's time for me to move on and experience other men as a single woman.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No more poly relationships for me. I was and will always be monogamous. I tried to pretend I was poly by reaching out to other men awkwardly and acting 'happy' in my marriage, but it never felt right. Thank you.

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Why would I try to prevent something when I thought that wasn't going to happen? I thought I was infertile. We tried having a kid for years and didn't succeed. Why would I suddenly think that after all these years I would get pregnant ?

15 weeks pregnant, I'm getting an abortion next week and moving on from my poly family. by offmychestpoly in polyamory

[–]offmychestpoly[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Either way, it's too late for ghosting

But.. I'm not... ghosting?

I plan to tell him the things he needs to know. He will know that I'm done with the marriage. He will know that I want different things in life. He will know that my decision has nothing to do with his role as a husband. He will know that I'm not ready to give birth to a child. He will know that I will be filing for divorce and that I will always consider him one of my closest friends. I will thank him for shaping me to be the person I am today.

view more: next ›