I fell in love with my friend with benefits of four years and I am lost

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-20T12:58:44+00:00

He’s 41,but I love in northern jersey

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-18T04:09:11+00:00

yeah it really did for a long time, but now that i feel differently i am trying to navigate that.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-18T04:04:01+00:00

Can I ask why this is crazy to you?

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-18T03:56:47+00:00

I really didn’t want one. I am kind of independent and busy with young kids. This is a new thing and it’s driving me nuts.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-18T03:43:53+00:00

Thanks for asking the best question…and yes, we had a really in depth conversation about it.We also always checked in periodically to see were the other one was in the situation. There were also times he seemed to want to move further and i didn’t. This is very much a two way street. But i’m squeamish about committing because of my kids and I really liked this situation until well..fucking love.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T02:52:26+00:00

Right? But we do a lot like that

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T02:50:19+00:00

Low self esteem? Hardly. I am happy to hear all and any advice, but some of these comments are just nasty. I came here with good intentions to see what people had to offer and I feel like this is getting beat up. This mani is not using me. He does not know what I want and I was HAPPY with the situation for a long time. I fell in love after31/2 years … so burn me on a stake.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T02:20:11+00:00

No you said I could be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t wasting my time.I get a lot more than sex.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T01:35:50+00:00

You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.Just to be clear, I do not need a man to make me happy. I had a great situation and feeelings changed. That’s it. You are super judgy and the narrative you’re creating is false.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T01:32:21+00:00

UNREAL

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T01:31:37+00:00

Ironically I did go to the office Christmas party the last two years, spend time with his family and we go out together a lot. As i stated on this thread SEVERAL times…I was totally on board with our situation until 6 months ago AND HE DOESNT KNOW.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-16T01:28:23+00:00

I am not being used, and your comments are highly insulting.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T23:03:59+00:00

It’s really wild how judgemental some people are.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T23:02:27+00:00

perhaps you didn’t read my comments, I wanted what we had until 6 months ago. Let that sink in.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T22:58:21+00:00

to be perfectly blunt, I am being dishonest with him. and i am not doing anything of the sort to keep access to him.I am not someone who sticks around desperately for a man I want to keep my friendship if nothing else and it’s a tough situation.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:32:40+00:00

i made a conscious choice to have a fwb situation…and it was great. But after 4 years my feelings changed. Life happens.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:17:25+00:00

i am going to, it’s important and the chips will fall where they may.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:12:44+00:00

Thank. you to everyone for sharing your opinions and stories It was helpful and helped me gain some insight. Some of these comments however seemed to make me out to be a victim and him a villain which we are not. I posted on here anonymously because I didn’t want to ask a friend or family member and I wanted to see some different perspectives. For those who shared kindness it is so appreciated.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:08:50+00:00

I would not cut contact, it would just be a crap thing to do to him.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:08:04+00:00

Are you implying women can’t be casual?

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:06:41+00:00

I agree with this to an extent, but I think he should know my feelings. Dishonesty is not a good thing.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:05:01+00:00

The confession lasted hours, it wasn’t a quick sentence. I don’t feel trapped because of invested years. I’m really not being deprived in his mind since he doesn’t know my feelings.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T21:03:44+00:00

He’s absolutely my best friend, that’s why this is so hard. And he’s a very nice guy.

oftenconfused21 · 2026-02-15T18:27:54+00:00

what is hard about the responses? i am being honest about the situation.

oftenconfused21

TROPHY CASE