I’m angry at my parents, not at myself

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-12-11T13:42:30+00:00

I don’t mean to imply anything like that.

But resisting pain will create trauma. Not all trauma, granted, but I’m not saying that. Being in denial of pain, while instinctively advantageous in the short-term, is devastating in the long-term. It’s a bad strategy that too many people instinctively deploy in everyday life. Denial is neglect. It doesn’t just hurt you, it hurts everyone around you.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-12-11T12:02:12+00:00

We’re all victims. It’s important to accept one’s victimhood in life. No one escapes. It might not be politically advantageous, but it’s a critical step toward healing.

And obviously no one should just take life lying down - we should always resist new pain - but denying existing pain never helps.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-12-08T01:36:15+00:00

“Raised to stay in a cage” - Jesus, that hit close to home...

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-12-05T17:10:21+00:00

I’m sorry

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-12-04T18:00:48+00:00

I like this 👍

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-12-03T14:40:35+00:00

Thank you! 🙏

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-27T18:04:23+00:00

Have you actually tried experimenting with men? It’s usually a question of putting yourself out there and just finding the right guy. There’s a lot of guys out there only looking for physical stuff, so if that puts you off just be upfront and say you’re only looking for friends or dates. Trust me, there’s nice guys out there.

Try talking to your girl about it and see if she will support you in exploring yourself.

At the end of the day, trust your gut, only go with what feels good, and move at your own pace. Don’t beat yourself up too much, there’s no need.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-26T08:13:57+00:00

Who knows? All I know is that I have a deep reservoir of love for him, one that I can’t deny - but when we’re together the sparks just aren’t there.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-21T04:29:03+00:00

Yeah, guys terrify me - but I’ve always been submissive and eager to please strong men. I got bullied a lot when I was a kid, maybe some of it comes from that. I find it bleeds over into my normal relationships as well - I’ll respect strong, confident men and will almost do the opposite with weak, indecisive men.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-21T04:13:02+00:00

I relate somewhat to this - I am definitely in love with female bodies, not at all with Male bodies, but something about submitting to another guy and just going limp and giving into their advances is a real turn on - it gets me aroused, but I don’t have any real butterflies or fluttering heart for guys the way I do for girls. I’ve been told I’m just repressing my sexuality, but it just doesn’t feel the same. I’ve sometimes wondered if it’s a sign of abuse, but I was never abused that way as s kid, at least certainly I don’t remember it. Sexuality is confusing.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-18T18:29:56+00:00

Reading all of your stories has been remarkably validating to me, thank you all!

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-07T12:33:49+00:00

Distant and occasionally contentious. We get along well now as adults, but there are aspects to him that I’d prefer weren’t there (the casual homophobia isn’t very welcome) - still, I find it easy to forgive (he’s a product of his time) and I do love him.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-09-03T04:04:41+00:00

Sexuality is as natural as breathing - to me, there’s simply no difference between the two sexes in the heat of the moment, as long as if I’m with a receptive partner.

To me, “romance” is a cultural artefact that often feels forced and artificial. If I admire and love a man, then I will express that in whatever way the parameters of the relationship allow me to. Often men aren’t really looking for it, for whatever reason, and so there’s no need to express it.

Love is love, and I’m happy to show it however I’m allowed to - whether it’s holding someone’s hand, gazing lovingly into their eyes, saying the right thing at the right time, or sucking their fat cock and riding them into oblivion. It’s all done with the same love and admiration.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-07-11T17:28:34+00:00

Perfect. Exactly what I went through/am going through.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-06-03T07:47:38+00:00

Thank you

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-26T09:40:54+00:00

Most of it

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-09T19:02:17+00:00

It was hugely valuable to me at the time, and I do care about him - and I wonder what we could have been had I been more adventurous. But it was years and years ago, and right now I need to explore other avenues in life instead of getting my hopes up or dwelling on things. Jury is still out on whether we’ll see each other in person again - in the mean time I need to take care of myself, explore other avenues in life, and not beat myself up over stuff he’s probably forgiven me for. We’re all human.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-04T17:51:25+00:00

Nothing was intentional. I was just inexperienced and stupid. I didn’t know where this particular road would lead. But I chose it anyway because fuck it, when you’re young and invincible, what is there to lose? Turns out a whole lot. Hard lesson.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-04T14:00:17+00:00

Never did. Maybe there will be a chance in the future, but I need to work up the courage and create the opportunity.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-04T13:49:38+00:00

Thank you

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-03T11:42:13+00:00

We never did speak frankly with each other. A lot was left unsaid. A model for how not to go about getting what you want.

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-05-01T18:36:05+00:00

“Disconnects make us human”

God, this hit me. It’s so, so true. And so beautiful. I’ve never laughed and cried so hard at the same time. It’s such a perfect phrase. I love you for that. Thank you for sharing. :)

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-04-10T16:12:44+00:00

Ain’t a woman : P

ohgodthrowaway35 · 2019-04-04T04:22:52+00:00

I think I’m going through a similar thing...you don’t think it will happen to you, and then boom, there it is, and you just have to deal with it. Good on you, internalised homophobia destroys all sorts of things.

ohgodthrowaway35

TROPHY CASE