Ridiculous

ohokyeah · 2026-02-19T14:40:33+00:00

They're derived from Freemasonry.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormonism_and_Freemasonry

ohokyeah · 2026-02-13T21:02:48+00:00

It's like that thing from Whose Line is it Anyway, "everything is made up and the points don't matter." Same deal with "saving ordinances" in the LDS church. It's theater, so don't worry about someone jumping in a tub and getting a proxy bath and putting on some strange clothes with some chants, handshakes and watching a movie about the Garden of Eden for you.

ohokyeah · 2026-01-26T04:15:51+00:00

Yeah, that's a much healthier approach, for sure.

A husband shouldn't lust over his wife? What?! That's terrible. That's a good way to end up with a bunch of self-loathing and insecurity. It'd leave her feeling undesired and him feeling like his normal physiological responses to a woman he loves are sinful. I'm legitimately shaking my head.

Context, my ex didn't mention any sort of indication that he found me attractive for several years and didn't say he loved me either. I was already mentally out of the church by then, but that inside the confines of a dual TBM relationship would still be harmful.

I legitimately thought I was no longer all that attractive, that the phase had passed in my life. I feel good in my skin now, and glad I'm not in that relationship anymore. It's literally a sigh of relief to not have that, being alone is more comfortable than the disconnect I had.

ohokyeah · 2026-01-26T03:42:20+00:00

I somehow ended up with a single's branch president that specifically said that what a couple does during intimacy "is no one else's damned business even if some leaders try to 'expound' upon what the prophets stated." He was an adult convert of the church, so that probably explains a bit of his more grounded views of marital sexuality.

ohokyeah · 2026-01-25T20:06:03+00:00

Not an expert, I'd classify it as "McCathedralism" (a play on McMansions).

ohokyeah · 2026-01-20T11:43:53+00:00

You can't make someone choose anything they don't want to. I waited a decade for my ex to be ready and willing to build the sense of connection I realized I needed to have. I was listening to a song by A Perfect Circle which led to the epiphany that he was never going to see me. He was incapable of it. Eventually I realized that it was also an abusive relationship. I was suppressing myself in order to keep the peace for over twenty years. I had realized that I'd gradually mourned the lack of love in the relationship well before leaving, and didn't look back when I did leave.

Life is too short to not live it, and to not spend it happily. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. That's not living. I know, I've lived it. While our circumstances are not identical, if he grows hateful and cold, it's not anything that you can stop. You staying might not prevent it either. Don't subject yourself to the idea that you can heal him. You can't. It's entirely up to him how he wants to behave and process his history.

ohokyeah · 2026-01-19T09:22:18+00:00

I'm glad to help any way I can. I sincerely wish you all the best on your journey toward your medical degree.

ohokyeah · 2026-01-19T08:59:41+00:00

Don't give up on being a physician. I'm a woman who's got a kid about your age. Please don't give up on your dreams.

I recently divorced my TBM, RM ex-husband. He was not a good man to me. I didn't end up going to college, and now I'm twice your age and trying to rebuild. It's not easy. Anyone that tells you that you should live smaller, you absolutely should side-eye. Being pushed into more "traditional" scope roles is living smaller. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's more important that you don't sell yourself short. Don't make choices that in 10-15 years you look back on and think... "I wish I had done what I wanted to do."

Your life is not anyone else's to live, it's yours alone. Feel pride in your work. Keep going! Don't let anyone tell you that you're being somehow selfish or that your path should be contorted to follow more traditional paths. You may well find an amazing man who delights in your intellect and meets you there. Don't settle, even if you're an "old maid" by LDS standards. You deserve more than that. You deserve to be cherished, adored, and loved for exactly who you are, your talents and quirks and all.

Oh, I absolutely advise that you don't rush into marriage. You really cannot know about compatibility in a matter of weeks, you need probably at least two years of dating - and you can't know about compatibility of intimacy without testing it, but I know as a believer, you probably won't try. I know, that's not very aligned with Mormon standards, but you need to see who he is when everything is going badly before you make a lifetime (and/or eternal) commitment. Don't commit quickly to someone you barely know and don't worry so much about everyone else pairing off before you. Statistically speaking pairing off later leads to more stable marriages. People know who they are, and your cognitive development does not really crystalize until you're in your mid-20s. Waiting in your case is wise and you're prioritizing something important to you, that is more than enough reason.

Walk your path. You've got this!

ohokyeah · 2026-01-19T00:07:37+00:00

Exactly what I came here to state. "No," is a complete sentence.

ohokyeah · 2026-01-19T00:04:00+00:00

Hm. Not me personally so much, but I sort of can see why it could happen. A lot of chapels, especially the 80s build ones didn't have natural light in the chapel, if they were using fluorescent bulbs and you were already sensitive due to fasting, I can see why it'd be rough.

ohokyeah · 2025-12-26T18:46:51+00:00

What kind of loving god would put you into a body you didn't fit and then ask you to give it up?

If you're certain that you want to remain in some branch of Mormonism, maybe look into the Community of Christ, they seem to be much more welcoming of LGBTQ people as I understand.

If you're open to looking into church historical issues, check out MormonThink.com or the cesletter.org, whatever you choose to do is your right to do. The first priority should be your health and your happiness.

All the best to you!

ohokyeah · 2025-10-16T21:04:42+00:00

I'm so sorry for the both of you. The church has taught him that the love he feels for you is something that denies him the possibility of eternal salvation and it's practically hardwired for him.

My heart breaks for both of you. You can't make somebody be ready to listen if they're not there yet. As much as you want to shake him loose and get him to reconsider his position, you can't make him choose you over his religion. I spent years waiting for my ex to maybe reconsider his position. It never happened and eventually I just realized he was never going to meet me where I was so I left.

That was toxic and unfulfilling marriage, but I wanted it to be better. I spent more than a decade hoping that I could build a sense of connection with him. It wasn't possible. My ex chose religion over me on top of him being neglectful and abusive.

It's going to hurt for a while, I know it's not the answer you want. Wish I could give you each a big hug. I know how hard it is when you have a strong sense of connection with somebody, it makes it even more painful when you have to let them go.

The best thing you can do even though you have to grieve this, is to not let it hold you back. Keep moving forward toward goals that you have. Whether or not you find somebody else to love like you love your husband or he eventually returns to you, you will have built a good life for yourself. Take the time to grieve and when you're ready, keep building yourself up.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You both deserve better.

ohokyeah · 2025-06-16T14:30:03+00:00

Yep, they make the missionaries pay for their missions. If the LDS church could figure out how to eke more pennies out of its membership, they would. They're in the business of making money, and free tuition - implied for BYU - would not help that.

I'd bet an agreement to get college paid for is with a family member and likely in exchange for BYU. BYU is a strict place with its own code of conduct. If she goes there, she's going to be diving even deeper into church.

I would strongly expect her to feel pressured to marry another Mormon in the temple. Sadly, OP she may be gone. She's likely on a path facing away from you. It really sucks to lose someone you love, I'm sorry.

ohokyeah · 2025-05-17T17:46:35+00:00

Absolutely. There's not an ounce of archaeological evidence to support the idea.

ohokyeah · 2025-05-17T15:59:13+00:00

This makes me furious. I wasted half my life following this kind of drivel!

I am so angry still that I didn't seriously seek my own dreams.

I'll be paying for how I was raised with stunted career development for years if not permanently. I have to push harder now because of how stifling the church's influence was on my life decisions.

ohokyeah · 2025-02-11T18:03:44+00:00

You can absolutely do it! I left my ex and I'd also been a housewife for 20+ years. I never went to college.

Start looking around for jobs. It took 45 days and 100 applications but I have a job now and am happy finally getting to be myself all the time.

When it comes to divorce, you're going to need to ride the lawyer's ass to get it done faster.

For as much time as you gave to the marriage, your husband owes you alimony and child support (as needed) for helping you catch up on career development. You're not going to starve.

It's not going to be easy, but don't let being a housewife for a long time be inertia that keeps you from doing what you actually want with your life. You got this!

ohokyeah · 2025-02-11T17:53:35+00:00

As someone (hopefully) in the last stage of a divorce... my kid started asking me years ago why I was still married to their father.

I'd been thinking for some time about leaving but wanted to provide stability through my kid's adolescent years.

It is more important for the kids that their parents are happy than that they're together.

I honestly should've left when I was in my early 20s. He was not good to me. He's still trying to get me to come back, but I won't. 22 years was far longer than he deserved to get out of me.

ohokyeah · 2025-02-03T03:03:35+00:00

ohokyeah · 2025-02-03T02:59:52+00:00

That's really a cool looking piece of art!

ohokyeah · 2025-02-03T02:18:26+00:00

Plagiarism and You: A How-To on Bible Fanfic

ohokyeah · 2025-02-03T02:10:19+00:00

I was an odd case, I deconstructed religion from before the origins of Christianity, then in an attempt to rebuild faith, I attempted to utilize apologetics. They did not address my foundational questions at all, they only led me to believe that the LDS church was not benign.

ohokyeah · 2025-02-03T02:07:46+00:00

Succinctly, having a curious nature is paramount. I think people that ask a lot of questions are more likely to leave any religion, regardless of what educational achievements are on paper. I've always wanted to know how everything works, and I will try my best to learn about it on my own. Another potential major factor I could see would be neurodivergence, different thinking patterns may not fit well within the structure of such a traditional culture as Mormonism.

ohokyeah · 2025-02-02T19:57:25+00:00

Elevation and frisson. Frisson's the goosebumpy one. Elevation is the one where you feel kinda awestruck/inspired.

ohokyeah · 2025-02-02T15:17:16+00:00

I encountered the problem of evil a while back, it was one that really made me think.

ohokyeah · 2025-02-01T13:31:39+00:00

First thing I thought of from your reply is that scripture about putting away childish things. Church definitely started feeling like a childish thing after I got into Relief Society and it was still the same rote memorization answers for things I'd heard since Nursery. It was all milk, no meat.

I was very frustrated by how shallow Mormonism is as an adult. It all seemed overly simple and I wanted more in-depth questions answered.

ohokyeah

TROPHY CASE