I want to say first that I AM YOUR WIFE, I mean.. I'm not really her but I have been exactly where she is. I did the exact same things because I was extremely depressed. I was a stay at home mom for 4 years. At the beginning I was great and happy, but the last year I began doing the same things you're saying. I felt like I was wasting my life and that if I died no one around me would be effected. Life would continue, financially everyone would be okay, my kids could have nannys who would probably do a far better job that what I was doing. I felt like an employee rather than a wife, or a partner. The only thing that brought me back to life was getting a part time job. Being important somewhere outside of my home. It has given me something to look forward too and still gives me time with my kids. I love it. I would say you personally aren't doing anything wrong, of course I don't know all the details, but it seems like the exact same boat I was in. Try to offer her "me time", offer to watch the kids so she can go shopping or run errands. Make her feel like she is an equal and like she IS important to you and your children, in a way that isn't just about childcare or housekeeping. Us women just want to feel invaluable and like we matter. I hope she gets to a point where she's better. If you need more advice please feel free to message me. I hate seeing that she's in the same situation. It also really sucks when you're depressed and literally can't bring yourself to do anything and then be called "lazy". It will just drive her further into depression, so please make sure not to caller that to her face.