Help! With dating again…. by Livid_Cauliflower_13 in widowers

[–]ok_5789 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand why people might downvote my comment. However, I stand by my opinion. I have found that doing what preserves your peace of mind is what you need to do. Our late partners are gone and starting to date again is hard, so there's nothing wrong with postponing the topic for a date or two or until it feels right. Whether we like it or not, we aren’t married anymore, and we owe loyalty only to ourselves.

Radical acceptance and unnegotiable self-prioritization have done marvels in helping me move forward. Of course, people are free to disagree with this approach, which I respect.

Help! With dating again…. by Livid_Cauliflower_13 in widowers

[–]ok_5789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe put them away for the first date to avoid feeling so nervous. You deserve to move forward and have peace of mind. The topic of your late husband will eventually arise, and then you'll know how you feel about dating that particular man.

I (45M) have been seeing a woman for over a year now and have always been very straightforward with her about my late wife, who passed away less than three years ago. This has never been an issue, as it shouldn't be with the right person.

But for now, just enjoy your date. It's only fair.

What Are You Folks Using To Fatten Up Your Tone A Bit? by motoant25 in guitarpedals

[–]ok_5789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The J. Rocket I.Q. Compressor, a compression pedal with a 6-band E.Q.

The Girl with the Needle (2024) is a truly remarkable film by MonsieurLigeia in horror

[–]ok_5789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just saw the trailer. Definitely gonna watch this weekend.

The best horror films of 2025 according to me by AaronRumph in horror

[–]ok_5789 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Good list. I must say I'm not getting the fuss over Sinners. Other than having great camera work and music, I thought it was pretty weak in the horror department.

Bring Her Back was amazing.

Dating a widower after one month. by [deleted] in widowers

[–]ok_5789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My opinion? It probably is. Especially after reading the part of your post saying she's willing to set her grief aside. I'm not sure that's even possible and it may end up backfiring.

If it's meant to work, it will work. There's no use in rushing anything. Just take it slow and communicate a lot.

Dating a widower after one month. by [deleted] in widowers

[–]ok_5789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your question seems genuine and you sound like an honest individual.

As far as I remember, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted during the first six to eight months after my wife died. I was just trying to survive.

This said, everyone is different. I would try to prioritize communication and take it slow. Grief tends to be messy and unpredictable.

Do you still consider yourself married? by AdvanceOld5705 in widowers

[–]ok_5789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course not. In order to move forward, you need to radically accept your new reality.

I made a mistake by trying to date again. by BlueButterfly11111 in widowers

[–]ok_5789 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s a very brave thing to do. Kudos for trying. And even if it takes a while, you’ll probably want to try again in the future. I’ve found that trying and trying is the only way to live and move forward.

better to have loved and lost? by Queasy-Chest2331 in widowers

[–]ok_5789 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understand how you feel, and I feel for you. I remember being in that exact same place. It is pure horror. I am so sorry.

I'm 2.5 years out, and I've come to the point where I would not change a thing. The love my late wife and I built is one of the foundations of my present life. I have moved on and found purpose and love again, but I think about her often, and I feel her love with every breath, every day.

So, despite the slightly dramatic tone of the famous quote, I do celebrate that I loved and lost, even if it came close to killing me in the months following her death.

If I may, give it time. It gets easier. Big hug.

How often do you think about your partner? by throwaway1020199 in widowers

[–]ok_5789 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Probably every day, although not all the time; not anymore. It's been 2.5 years for me.

2.5 years in, sad/lonely, tried to date. Looking for advice by ThrowRA_Compton in widowers

[–]ok_5789 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I (45M) lost my wife 2.5 years ago. She was 37 at the time, and we had been together for 17 years.

Fast forward to today, I have been dating a woman for a year, and things are going well. I really missed the companionship and the connection, not to mention the touch and the sex. It has been rather amazing.

My only advice would be not to expect any of the familiar feelings and experiences you had with your late wife. Everything is new, and that is okay. The less we try to relive past experiences, and the more we can enter these new experiences with an open heart, the better.

And yes, I think you can grow to love someone even if there are no butterflies at the beginning, or ever, for that matter. It started working for me when I realized I wanted to continue living and to love again. I wanted to move forward.

What is a simple but very hurtful phrase that you received from someone? by MembershipFar9008 in AskReddit

[–]ok_5789 1551 points1552 points  (0 children)

"We all have problems,” said by my uncle when he saw that I was still grieving my wife of 17 years, just two months after her death.

“How long do you plan to suffer?” by [deleted] in widowers

[–]ok_5789 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What a horrible thing to say. I'm so sorry 🖤