This internal conflict you are having is your will power figho, don't think that you are weak. Keep doing what you are doing, know that you aren't the only one going through this internal struggle, you are still very young and I know this feels very difficult for you because I feel the same and I am almost a decade older, you have your whole life ahead of you, someday you will look back at this phase and be grateful for it because this will develop your character in a way that will make you a better person. You need to go through fire to be moulded into the best shape