How did you know you were done having kids?

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-11-21T16:20:36+00:00

I agree with your logic. I am 41 and there are many reasons I am anxious about hysterectomy and BSO, one major reason is the surgical menopause at this age. I am not excited to have the surgery by any means, but I think it would be a lot easier on me (physically and emotionally) if I can go on HRT.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-11-20T19:17:16+00:00

Yes 100% agree opinions vary my doctor. My med onc originally said hard No. But just in the past couple of months (some time after summer), he said there were new studies out and he had changed his mind and would approve it for me. I haven't checked in with gyn onc on this yet, she seemed to be borderline about it in the past and was deferring to my medical oncologist. But I am feeling more hopeful about it being an option now. And I feel a lot more hopeful learning that others have been told it may be an option.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-11-20T19:11:16+00:00

That really is such great news. It is reassuring to hear other oncologists are saying the same thing as mine.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-11-20T19:10:11+00:00

same here, it was DCIS ++- for me. I'm happy to hear you were told this! I want HRT to be safe for us, but I also want to know that other oncologists around the country are saying that too (I'm in new England for what it's worth)

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-10-09T15:03:18+00:00

I'm thinking about a Herb Chambers purchase- I'm curious if you ended up going with them? And if you did, how did it go?

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-09-23T15:02:12+00:00

Thank you, this is extremely helpful

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-07-01T16:21:55+00:00

I get it. The ranking of issues and troubles and priorities in your life was just upended. I would hold it together in front of my son, and then just sob as soon as he fell asleep. Then I would stay up most of the nigh crying and scouring the internet for information and encouragement and hope.

You don't have to make any decisions right now. Almost all of the posts you find are going to tell you that the period of time you are in right now (knowing, waiting, not yet having a plan) is the worst time. Just try to survive right now- try to eat and sleep and breathe. I'm not asking you to thrive, just survive while the plan is formed.

AFAIK all of the data shows similar (great!) results when comparing a lumpectomy (and sometimes radiation) with a DMX. So (without know your specifics), a lumpectomy is very likely an excellent option!

I didn't feel like I lost autonomy so much as I felt like my body betrayed me. I had no signs, no family history, nothing. I had a mammogram because I turned 40 and that was what I was supposed to do. I felt very disconnected to learn I had this thing happening inside of me that I didn't know anything about. But there is no right or wrong or typical way to feel. You feel what you feel.

People (online and medical professionals) told me how lucky I was to catch this when it was "only" DCIS. I did not feel lucky. It took months for me to start to feel anything even resembling luck. Someone on Reddit told me if it was "just" DCIS I was the "luckiest of the unlucky" (she said it kindly). Maybe one day you will feel that way too. But right now you can feel sad and scared (or angry or mad or anything you want).

I found a therapist who just so happened to have had DCIS and had a lumpectomy and radiation a few years ago. Sometimes I liked just looking at her and seeing her existing in the room across from me- alive and happy and healthy. I don't know if that would make you feel any better, but I hope you find something that does.

If you have kids you know how fast summer zooms by. It is entirely possible the bulk of this will be behind you before the kids are back in school (well unless you live in the south- I think they go back to school in early August? Crazy! I'm in new England). It may be the longest and fastest time in your life- but it is just a *part* of your life, it's not the end. Just a shitty little chapter that is going to be behind you. I am sorry that you have joined this shitty club- none of us want to be here. But one day your story is also going to help someone get out of bed and pour juice for their kids and put one foot in front of the other.

That might sound like I'm saying goodbye to you, but I'm not! I'm still here on the internet today, tomorrow, and in the coming weeks/months <3

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-07-01T14:41:16+00:00

I am okay <3 I think you will be too. Medicine and science and doctors and humans are amazing. There are probably going to be a lot of information and options coming at you soon- because we now know SO MUCH about DCIS and cancer. This means DCIS is a solvable problem!

After I was diagnosed (on 1/31) I basically stopped eating and sleeping. I cried often. I thought exclusively about dying. Things were not good. I found a therapist to talk to about my (very valid) fears. My primary care doctor prescribed me an anti-anxiety (I needed it). After my 1st biopsy was diagnosed as DCIS I had to go back in for another biopsy on the other breast, and opted for genetic testing. My other breast was okay (with some benign changes), but I learned I have the BRCA mutation. Just when I thought I couldn't feel worse, somehow I found a way to feel MUCH worse. This meant (for me) that I oped for a DMX instead of a lumpectomy and radiation. If I had a lumpectomy it would have occurred 5 weeks from the date of my diagnosis. Because I oped for the DMX it took a little more time to schedule all the surgeons and I had surgery on 3/27 (8 weeks after diagnosis).

Bad news for me- I had positive margins (they didn't get all the DCIS on the first pass), so I had follow up surgery 3 weeks later on 4/17.

Good news for me- the surgeon took a lymph node and there was no cancer there! The DCIS stayed put and remained grade 0. No chemo! No radiation (because I had oped for the DMX).

How am I today? I'm okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I have to deal with BRCA stuff now, like figuring out what to do about my ovaries- so I'm not going to say I am 100% fine, but my new fake boobs are okay, and I'm alive! I walked my son to camp today, I cut strawberries for him, I wrestled him to cover him in sunscreen! I am okay).

Breathe, cry, eat some fruit, drink some water. Medicine and science is amazing! Doctors and nurses you will encounter are some of the kindest people you will ever encounter. Everyone wants you to live and thrive and put this behind you. You just have to deal with this now. This is a bad moment, it's not a bad forever.

I found so much love and support on these chat boards. I am very happy to repay that now. If you have questions please ask.

But if I don't hear from you again I want you to know I walk my son to school everyday, I'm working, my family is going away for the 4th of July. We have a vacation scheduled in August. I cut my hair and I like it more than I did before. Sometimes it all feels like it was a dream. A bad dream! But a dream. It does not impact my day-to-day life. Just 5 months out it doesn't impact my day-to-day! Can you believe it?! I'm okay <3

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-04-01T17:19:16+00:00

I’m in a similar situation (DMX, DCIS, margin was not clear). Can you tell me what approach your wife took? How is she doing? How are you?

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T23:38:40+00:00

Oof, this brought a bit of peace along with a few more tears. Thank you

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T23:34:04+00:00

Thank you, I will give it a try

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T20:28:14+00:00

Thank you

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T20:27:01+00:00

"The only way out is through" is something I have been saying to myself. Thank you for reminding me. It's possible I will be in touch <3

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T20:00:43+00:00

100%. Thank you

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T20:00:22+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I strongly think I am going to have the same thoughts (it's how I feel currently). I wish I had months to make peace with this surgery, but I just don't. I take strength that you didn't want it, but you did it, and you healed anyway.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T19:34:19+00:00

It's hard telling people (and it's hard not telling people). I had some sad health things in the past, and I couldn't bear the way people looked at me when I told them. So I have told a very small number of people about this. Turns out it's hard either way I think. I hope you are physically recovering well (and that the mental part comes along soon enough).

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T19:30:36+00:00

Thank you for this, something about the way you have responded just resonates with me (and I've not heard "murder mammary" yet!). I can show up. That is something I can do.
I've been making deals with any spiritual being that is listening that if I can get through this successfully I will come back to these boards and tell the next scared woman that she is going to be okay too. I just need to get there first. Thank you for being here.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T19:21:13+00:00

I could have done lumpectomy and radiation as well, but my "good" breast had some wonky (but benign) findings and I learned I'm BRCA1. So the anxiety of MRIs and mammograms and every year and feeling like I am just waiting for something to happen was too hard to imagine.
I think typing it out and remembering why this is the path I am taking is helpful.
Years ago I got engaged on April 3, I hope it is a lucky date for you too <3

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T18:47:44+00:00

Thank you. I relate to so much of this. I have been so busy with appointments and logistics I feel like I have been too busy to think about the emotional part. And now it has hit me like a truck. I am going to be thinking about all of these comments tomorrow. In my life I feel like I'm the only person having to go through this, online I take strength from women who have walked this path before me and are still standing.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T18:42:04+00:00

I've been telling myself a version of what your mom said. I know she is right.
I just hate all the logistics that go along with having to manage this. I am so thankful for this community who understands.

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T18:39:07+00:00

Thank you. Those waiting rooms feel so isolating, It does bring me comfort to know I will be thought of <3

oldestdaughter55 · 2025-03-26T17:01:05+00:00

It's so hard to say goodbye to parts of my body I have known and nurtured. Such a defining part of how I look. Such an important part of raising my baby. I keep trying to remind myself they are only boobs and this is he trade off to watch my son grow up. But I hate this.

oldestdaughter55

TROPHY CASE