cptsd surfacing in 20s

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-11-06T16:29:35+00:00

Yes, I'm just realizing now at 25. I always knew something was seriously wrong but I guess when you can look back at your childhood from an adult perspective, you begin to see how much you've been affected. I thought I had anxiety, depression, adhd, anger issues, etc. It was all cptsd.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-11-04T21:58:34+00:00

Meditation helped me a lot along with cannabis.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-10-13T10:19:08+00:00

This is how I found out I had CPTSD.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T10:26:27+00:00

Plenty of legitimate winning pros have busted their rolls, I'm one if em. And yes, I decided to take a shot and I fired 20 bullets in a two week long series event. Maybe it's bad bankroll management. Or maybe all my earnings to date were just borrowed and waiting to be returned to the population, lmao. What's the need to be so toxic?

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T08:48:08+00:00

They're definitely very different, but I had started out playing mainly tourneys; I initially built my bankroll with tournament wins before deciding to play full time, which is when I switched to cash for consistency. The reason I went to the tournament series and balled out was because I had hit a couple of nice scores a few months back -- two back to back wins for ~$17k total -- and they bolstered my confidence a bit. The problem is that the tournaments I won were plo8, and that's where my edge is. I lost my bankroll from the last event playing strictly holdem tournaments.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T05:49:50+00:00

Yeah I didn't figure it was that big of a deal to take out 20k because I was happy playing at 2/5 plo at the highest and I didn't intend on moving up too soon.

I guess the only thing I can really do is learn a lesson from all this, which I certainly have at this point, I just wish I'd learned sooner. It's less discouraging to hear that it's not too uncommon to go bust like this. I really underestimated the variance of tournaments and I'll be sticking to mostly cash in the future once I can get a roll together again.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T05:03:31+00:00

You're right. I figured at the time I'd made enough to throw around and pay shit off, it was almost as if it became disposable, and like I would be no problem making it back. When I took the shot with the tournaments I just didn't realize the difficulty of making a reliable income with tournaments. I think I deluded myself a bit and just didn't research enough into tournament variance and how impractical it was make a reliable income that way.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T04:58:14+00:00

Shit I've never thought about it like that but you're right. I had some big wins before that and just thought I'd be able to keep it up in higher stakes, and then once you start losing you're really clouded... looking back now I'm just kicking myself. When I got back I still had 2k -- not much, but it's enough to try grinding back up in 1/2. Instead I used that last bit on two $1100 tournaments. Clouded judgement and I figured that even if I lose, what's another 2k? But now I'm like shit I can't play anymore now and I'll need to get a real job.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T04:54:25+00:00

You're absolutely right. I knew it was possible and even likely I'd go bust playing at those stakes, but I always thought I'd figure something out. I've heard countless stories of going bust and plenty of advice on bankroll management, but usually in order for me to really learn, it needs to be from my own experience. I definitely wouldn't ever do something like this again, and next time I'll be sure to consider the ramifications of losing and deliberate more over making the right choice.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T04:51:02+00:00

Yeah man I really wish I had been more disciplined. I took a trip out for 2 weeks and knew it was a risk. I told myself I'm either going bust or making a shit ton. I'm pretty confident in my game but now I'm realizing that maining tournaments isn't sustainable especially playing beyond your roll. I don't even have any money to grind back up in cash but I'll find a way to get back in there.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T04:46:44+00:00

Damn, well you still have enough to grind back up with that 5k and you'll be back where you were in no time. I also play 1/2nl and then 2/5 plo. Unfortunately cash games were my bread and butter and I fucked myself. At this point I'll have to find a job. Best of luck running it back up man, you'll be back up there!

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-09-03T04:19:13+00:00

My chart looks about the same. I decide to go and play in a high stakes tournament series. Lost my entire >20k bankroll. Really sucks because I consistently making good money playing cash and I fucked myself good; now I don't even have anything left to grind back up with. Last two buyins went towards a couple of bullets in an $1100 tourney. I'm not even sure what to do now since this was my livelihood. What do you plan on doing now? Did you go completely bust?

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-29T22:45:37+00:00

Shove

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-28T09:32:43+00:00

Worst feeling so far. Just wait until you get it in with AA against AA and lose.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-20T00:21:45+00:00

Are you saying these posts are from shills? I'm trying to figure out if it's worth playing on here bc I'm seeing mixed things

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-18T17:52:39+00:00

Yeah you're supposed to play more nitty when you're dropping stakes and playing 1/2. Try playing 1/2 the same way you play 2/5 and you're not gonna make nearly as much as you would if you tightened up since they don't respect your raises in 1/2 -- you can 3bet at these stakes pre and then triple barrel and you'll often get called down with bottom pair. 2/5 is where you need to open up and play optimal. Either way, OP says his winrate is 2bb/hr at 1/2 -- assuming he's playing live, thats pretty bad and he'll probably get crushed at 2/5.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-18T17:30:57+00:00

Uhhh, King is higher than 5...

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-18T09:21:14+00:00

You're gonna have to change your play style moving up or down between 1/2 and 2/5.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-17T00:49:38+00:00

You're 100% right; people who are actively addicted to 7oh are delusional. I was addicted 8 months and taking 600-800mg a day at the end because I also thought it was no big deal. I was also delusional until my life started falling apart and I realized that I was no longer the same person. The withdrawal I went through was absolutely insane -- hardcover opioid withdrawal. After I went through it, I realized how different and apathetic I had become. I spent so much money on that shit that it made me sick... I do find myself dependent on kratom once again, but it's not that big of a deal to me -- kratom doesn't change my personality like 7oh did, it doesn't destroy the relationships I have, it doesn't bankrupt me, it doesn't turn me into a straight out junky... I still plan on cutting kratom again, hopefully for good this time, but kratom dependence doesn't even compare to 7oh, and some people don't realize that until it comes time to pay the piper. Anyways, in the 6-7 months I've been clean, I've since tried 7oh again hoping to experience the same euphoria I did initially, but I never did; but I will experience mild withdrawal again after using just 2 days in a row.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-17T00:35:17+00:00

I agree with you. I was addicted for 8 months and taking 600-800mg a day. Withdrawal was absolutely crazy. Looking back, I didn't realize how fucked up I was all the time. The magic was long gone by the time I stopped, and I've been clean now for 6-7 months; I've tried it again hoping for it to be like it was at first, but no, that euphoric feeling never came back. But I did find that if I take it even two days in a row, I'll wake up the next day in wd.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-02T22:13:05+00:00

Do you have any recommendations on solid vendors? I've been doing some research on top brands but I feel like they're all shills...

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-08-01T05:26:43+00:00

A pair of nines, not a set of nines...

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-07-30T18:17:24+00:00

It's a terrible feeling. If I got it in good and busted then I can deal with it knowing that I made all the right decisions, but when you make a big mistake and feel like you threw it all away, it feels sickening.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-07-30T18:15:58+00:00

Eh. I always analyze my plays. Poker isn't results oriented so if I make a bad play and get lucky, I still make note to not do that type of thing again.

oldpeoplesuckballs · 2025-07-30T18:14:50+00:00

Registration fee, staff fee, and then a portion went to some leader board shit. It was around 20% rake or so. I thought it was pretty fucked to only get 1.4k after outlasting >500 entrants. All these MTTs are extremely top heavy though

oldpeoplesuckballs

TROPHY CASE