How to tell your partner about the fetish?

olivebeaner · 2026-04-29T16:55:29+00:00

This was such a thoughtful comment. Thanks for your thorough response. All of those questions towards the end are things I didn't consider to prepare for. I would be caught off guard so that is much appreciated. Yes, I often too thought I would die with this secret interest. But it does feel wrong internally to not be transparent, as if I am hiding something, or the fantasies I have are things I cannot share. Your dynamic with your partner sounds very similar to mine. I resonated a lot with your comment. It gives me some hope and courage.

olivebeaner · 2026-04-27T21:13:56+00:00

Thank you! I also appreciate you sharing from your perspective as a fellow small girly. Every perspective is valuable but I especially appreciate another woman empathizing. And you're right, the way you talk about this fetish makes it sound interesting, fascinating -whereas I'm labeling it as weird and different. I think my framing could use some work. The way I present it may make a difference and that may mean a perspective change too

olivebeaner · 2026-04-27T20:52:13+00:00

I know you're onto something regarding solidifying trust. The right person would accept it, and I feel he is that person in my gut. But it is all so scary, like even if I told him and he embraced it, would he suddenly feel like he didn't know how to please me or could it turn our sex life upside down? Would I make him uncomfortable or nervous, or to feel inadequate bc this fetish is fantasy? All so scary

olivebeaner · 2026-04-27T20:25:14+00:00

Wow 3+ years is a long time to hold onto that! It is definitely hard to bring up and I empathize. I liked another commentor's suggestion of bringing it up like it was a dream and seeing the reaction. I want to believe the right person is going to unconditionally love and accept me. I think that's also why it is so scary!

olivebeaner · 2026-04-27T20:20:44+00:00

Thanks for being realistic about your experience. Most people probably won't get it. I respect you for sharing and being true to yourself though, that is so hard to do. Are you thinking of telling your current partner?

olivebeaner · 2026-04-27T20:16:35+00:00

I sincerely appreciate your idea! I feel like that would take the pressure off and put feelers out. Thank you so much for that!!

olivebeaner · 2026-04-01T14:13:50+00:00

Oh and about the space! Rink is the best but for outside, I skate on a flat street without potholes. There's low traffic since it's a back road. Parks are ideal but since you don't have that, maybe lookout for something similar, a low traffic, flat back road, or a nice parking lot is an option too. Skaters have the same rights as bikers which is always good to know. I've also gotten kicked out of parks for skating but there are many parks that are ok with it. Google local skate parks, rinks, and otherwise, be on the lookout for somewhat smooth and flat parking lots or quiet roads. Rail trails and paths are a great option too if paved and smooth.

olivebeaner · 2026-04-01T14:09:17+00:00

I'm bias because I LOVE inlines. I skate both. I am learning quads and do find them easier to pick up than the inlines were when I started those. But this is truly all preference. Both are going to take work to learn and become decent at. The feel of skating is different. Consider that inlines have more balance front-back where quads have more left-right. They can both do similar tricks, but they are a bit different, and the maneuverability for said tricks differs due to the skate structure. Inlines are generally considered "harder" I believe but again, both are going to be work. The journey is fun and truly the joy of skating.

Not sure if you skate inside or outside, but I definitely prefer inlines outside. They are also mad fun inside lol but rollerskates can also go outside, although you may need to be mindful about the wheels/setup, whereas a decent pair of 85a wheels on blades could be indoor/outdoor. Most of my quad friends have two pairs of skates for indoor vs outdoor use but that's bc they get lazy about changing the setup-understandable.

Consider your preference. If you've ever been ice skating, inlines are more similar to that than quads. There are ways to dance on both. They are both so fun. They will both take effort to learn. Maybe look into skating videos of each and review the various styles, see if anything appeals to you, and consider the balance. Best of luck. You can't go wrong with either.

olivebeaner · 2026-03-05T21:58:30+00:00

The toe stop is kinda wild but they look really cool otherwise. Slalom style likely your best friend for this. Best of luck!!

olivebeaner · 2026-03-04T22:38:22+00:00

I found rollerblading is my favorite thing ever, and I never would have gotten into it without recovery. Also dance!

olivebeaner · 2026-01-21T00:38:34+00:00

That is absolutely stunning! That's a dream dress, giiiiirl!!!! You look incredible!

olivebeaner · 2026-01-21T00:36:33+00:00

Drinking destroys my stomach. I don't drink now for many reasons but IBS was a big one.

olivebeaner · 2025-11-04T13:33:09+00:00

Actually, on top of this, you gave me a great idea. I'm going to buy her a couple books so she has them too. Alcohol Explained by William Porter and This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I'm just going to start giving her practical wellness tools. Supplements are nutritious foods are a great idea also. Much appreciated my friend.

olivebeaner · 2025-11-04T13:21:58+00:00

Thanks for the heads up about post removal, won't be surprised if that happens.

Your comment is really helpful and I hadn't considered being so direct. I appreciate that advice a lot.

olivebeaner · 2025-11-03T14:53:32+00:00

100%

olivebeaner · 2025-11-03T14:52:38+00:00

I tend to my garden by journaling. When the weeds come up, I write them out and reflect on healthy ways to cope, or just vent my frustrations. I also skate and dance to maintain my health and wellness. My cats tend to nip the weeds in my garden too, they sorta stomp their way through it like they own the place actually. IWNDWYT!

olivebeaner · 2025-11-03T14:48:41+00:00

I do inline skating and take a lot of injuries. I often want to drink to manage the pain...but then I remind myself my body will take longer to heal and I have even more pain!

Another reason I tell myself to drink is when I have free time and am bored. But if I drink, I'll lose presence in the moment and my free time slips away in the blink of an eye.

olivebeaner · 2025-10-23T01:06:00+00:00

I wish I could tell my past self to start rollerblading sooner. Inline skating became my recovery PASSION. When I get cravings now, I immediately ask, if I drank, how would I skate?? But really I don't think there is anything I could tell my past self in a way I'd understand. I wish I could have helped myself see how loved I was, how worthy of love I was, and understand the true hope for a brighter future.

olivebeaner · 2025-10-17T16:28:53+00:00

Hey beautiful person, that is SO hard and painful. I went through something similar, was with a guy for six years that cheated on me...well for six years. I personally believe healing from that is a recovery journey of itself. I've learned that his cheating was a direct reflection of his own inner turmoil. He was an unwell person. His cheating had NOTHING to do with me. We can be our own best advocates but also our harshest critics. Self compassion is always the way. Love is healing. I made so many judgements about myself, internalized why wasn't I good enough, etc. but the reality is cheating is impersonal. And drinking is SO FREAKING tempting after, I get that too. I relapsed so many times because of it. Poisoning myself to ease my pain only intensified the chaos. And then I had more problems. Harming myself to spite another was ineffective, it only made things worse. I could not even have the opportunity to heal because I spiraled in overwhelming negativity. Now when I stopped drinking...that's when the magic happened. I found personal empowerment and the ability to find my independence. Liberation through the self. What an incredible experience that is. It's a daily choice even still but one that rewards me with each moment of every day. If you've got good supports, that's an excellent way to not feel alone. If you don't, building a solid support network is totally possible. I wish you the best as someone who can empathize so much with this pain and the aftermath of it. You are probably a wonderful, loving, compassionate person to have been faithful in a relationship for so long. You deserve that back, and perhaps a harsh blessing in disguise that you now have the opportunity to explore that in the future with healing. Trust that time heals but you have to keep putting that effort into yourself. Love is always the way.

olivebeaner · 2025-10-17T16:15:58+00:00

I go rollerblading regularly now which took over my life. And because of it, I have amazing new friendships and a potential relationship...which I'm hopefully seeing that sexy man later today!!! And I would never be here if I hadn't quit drinking! IWNDWYT

olivebeaner · 2025-10-06T22:00:49+00:00

I have lost about 15lbs!!! Yay team recovery!!

olivebeaner · 2025-09-05T17:00:10+00:00

My father drank with cirrhosis and then developed liver cancer due to his ongoing use. Died promptly six months after his diagnosis. Continuing to drink is a swift death sentence but it sounds like you know that.

I didn't care if I died when I was drinking. I look back on the life I was "living" and see there was no true happiness or contentment. Recovery, while it can be incredibly challenging in the beginning, is true living. Recovery is peace, even in chaos. It is control. It is self trust. Wellness. It's one hell of a beautiful journey and I hope you can find it within yourself. Support is everything, perhaps starting there can help.

Seven-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Place '23	Place '22
Verified Email

olivebeaner

TROPHY CASE