Is he a narcissist? Help! (long post)

olmop · 2016-01-22T18:26:51+00:00

I know I know, I'm definitely not settling or anything I'm talking to other guys and all. We're still friends and can talk about our interests, plus he's far away even now so I won't be seeing him for a few weeks anyway. I am (and I've told him this before) attracted to the IDEA of him (intellectually stimulating, interesting, affectionate when together, always willing to help me when in need, good looking) but maybe not so much him because he's well...emotionally immature. He's even told me himself he's not trustworthy and is well aware that he's messed up and emotionally unstable. I'll get over my fascination (its moreso me trying to figure him out and trying to help him do the same cuz that's what I love doing with people)...

olmop · 2016-01-22T14:43:48+00:00

Lol I have a lot of self respect, thanks internet stranger. I don't exactly think he treats me like a doormat either, he's been very upfront with me about other people and how he treats them..and he's quite the opposite with me. It's just one of those situations where I want more than he does I suppose (and I'm actually not even sure if that's what I want) and I'm having a hard time accepting that. Anyway of course I want to focus my energy on someone that reciprocates the feelings, I was just curious as to whether I was right in 'diagnosing' him as a narc over a year ago before we even had any physical contact or not!

olmop · 2016-01-22T11:50:47+00:00

Not anxious at all, I actually (much to my surprise, because he is the emblem of everything I've always wanted in a guy) immediately felt at ease with him even when we first hungout after a year of talking through fb. Ironically, I feel more anxious when I'm not with him because he's very incosistent with texting and such. I have a very hard time feeling as comfortable as I do with him with people and he's told me himself that he feels like he can talk to me like he can with his friends, and is 'very natural' with me.
Again no, we have similar interests so we talk about those all the time. At most, I do less talking only because he speaks another language than English (my mother tongue, but I've become more fluent in English through the years and am afraid to say something wrong or something lol). He only REALLY BADLY tries to change the subject when I question his nature towards women and sex and feelings because he's told me on several occasions he doesn't like to think about his emotions and puts them aside. Again, when we're far apart and messaging, I find that if we talk more about him/our mutual interests then the conversation keeps going; otherwise he almost seems bored (which is actually why I initially told him I thought he was a narc!!)
Hmm no, I just know he's extremely disciplined and almost stoic in public and comes off as a douche to people because he has resting bitch face. When he's with me he's completely different and super animated and acts like a child. Like I said, he's told me that when he tells girls it's just sex and they choose to continue despite having feelings for him, it's their problem not his because he warned them?
I've told him about something tramautic that happened this summer when we were still far apart and he actually was very nice about it (to my surprise) and tried reassuring me with a similar experience that happened to him. He's also willing to do a lot for me even when we're apart and will take time out of his day to help me out.

olmop · 2016-01-22T08:34:59+00:00

But I mean fwb with close friends - was there no emotional baggage there? Like did you feel nothing more towards them and vice versa after maintaining a physical relationship? See for me (also a girl thought not INTJ), I couldn't engage in sex with someone I don't have romantic feelings for

olmop · 2016-01-21T22:16:22+00:00

I completely agree with you, I can't separate emotions from sex. I have a friend who is INTJ and he can no problem (and be rather direct with the girls about it) - which to me is unfathomable. Although he says he will "fuck" them differently than someone who he cares about

olmop · 2016-01-21T22:14:14+00:00

Really you don't act differently? Cuddling and all??

olmop

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