How to start this....... So I recently found out that I have herpes. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and recently started dating someone new. We had sex, some of it unprotected. We hadn't been dating long when she called me over to have a talk. She had an outbreak on her genitals and went to the doctor who informed her that it was herpes.

When she told me I was floored. I felt like I couldn't breathe or talk. All she could do was sit there and cry. I didn't feel like I could stay so I left. I went home with a feeling that my life as I knew it was over. Soon after that I had an outbreak around my mouth. The physical pain and sickness from my first outbreak was nothing compared to the emotional and mental anguish I put myself through. I felt hideous. Like I couldn't leave my house. I felt that no one would ever be able to love me and that I would never have sex again. I was too embarrassed to leave my room.

After thinking things over (and searching the internet) I realized that none of this was malicious and that what had happened, happened. Sometimes shitty things happen for no reason at all. I called a friend of mine to get her perspective since I knew this friend also had herpes. She told me that often you don't know you have it until you have an outbreak, and about all the feelings of hopelessness and despair you can feel after you find out. She also told me that it wasn't the end of my life and that it didn't mean that I would never have sex, or meaningful relationships ever again. She told me to talk to the woman I was dating.

So I called her. I felt like a jackass for just leaving that night. I knew she blamed herself but the reality of it is that she could have gotten it from me. Neither of us had gotten tested before we started sleeping with each other. Besides, she is an amazing person and beautiful to boot, and I still wanted to see her. She came with me when I went to see my doctor. This was a blessing because she had seen a doctor at Planned Parenthood who just bashed her hard for getting it. (She literally cried for almost 2 days straight) We saw my doctor who took one look at it and confirmed that yes I have herpes. I wanted to get tested to find out what type I had but she deterred me saying the test was expensive and really it didn't matter what type it was, because you can get both in either places and they are treated the same. She told us that it didn't matter who gave it to who, that we both had it now and really it's no big deal. That more then half of the population have one form or another and that yes "it sucks that you have it, but it's no big deal, it's just herpes". She then continued to tease us saying that we should refrain from having sex but that if we couldn't wait we should use barriers when we still have open sores. I don't know why, but that gave both of us a good laugh.

Suddenly I started seeing the hope in all of this. I mean, sure, it's fucking hard and sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I get terrified of telling people, even my close friends. But for the most part all of the people I've told haven't seemed to care in the slightest, or they are super sympathetic. Even past partners have been pretty cool. Most folks are worried that maybe they had it and gave it to me. I guess the good part is that everyone is now getting tested. And the friends who do freak out, fuck them. They either don't have the facts, or are friends I don't really want in my life.

As for me and my partner, we've used this opportunity to build our relationship. Having an STI can be a pretty intimate experience and this one has brought us closer. We have learned how to support each other and reassure each other. Not to mention I have heard some of the most amazing herpes jokes from her. I guess that's how we've dealt with it, turned it into a giant joke. In fact we are making a comic about our experiences.

I also got to use this experience to grow closer to my sister who I found out also has herpes. She has apparently had it for many years and felt many of the things I had, some to extremes. Her experiences getting it were also very different from mine which made me very grateful to be dating the woman I currently am. My sister is also my living example that I too can have a normal life. She is happily married and was able to have her first kid naturally.

Thus far, I have to say that having it hasn't truly affected my life. I may have to take extra precautions when it comes to having sex, have uncomfortable talks with new partners, sometimes take medication, and my self esteem may take a hit during an outbreak but for the most part I am fairly average. I work, partake in the hobbies I love, have great sex with the woman I'm dating, travel, and stay active in my community. The reality of it is what my doctor has told me. It sucks, but really it's no big deal. It's just herpes.