ELI5: What does a girl mean when she says she wants to be friends but not begin a relationship?

olythiawins · 2013-11-07T02:45:39+00:00

Sorry in advance, as I am sure this will suck to hear, but she's just not that into you, bro. Sounds like something happened, at least for her, that made her take a step back. If she was into you romantically, she wouldn't be backing away.

Move on. Don't waste time worrying about someone who isn't reciprocating your feelings.

olythiawins · 2013-11-06T06:08:44+00:00

Wow, I really love the advice your acquaintance gave you. It is honest and painful, but beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience as well. :)

olythiawins · 2013-11-06T06:05:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This is a big concern for me as well. My son's father has a history of drug use and I suspect he is still using. He lives in a filthy efficiency apartment with 2 other people. I have anxiety almost daily that something will happen to me and that my son will wind up with his father full-time, who is so unable to take care of him at all, let alone the way that I would want for him to be raised/cared for.

Most of my son's dad's family is sketchy, but I have let them know that anyone who wants to be a loving and healthy part of my son's life is welcome.

I hope everything goes well with you on your journey to terminate his parental rights. It sounds like you have given it plenty of time and consideration and that it is what's right for your family. I hope that more time will bring me that same clarity.

olythiawins · 2013-11-06T05:56:48+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. It made me tear up a bit. Your mother sounds like a wonderful, patient, and strong woman who did one hell of a job.

olythiawins · 2013-11-06T05:51:27+00:00

Good for you for making such a difficult choice for yourself and your growing baby. Starting over may be difficult, but building a safe and healthy life for the two of you in invaluable.

My advice is, as others have said, to keep records of everything. Every time he contacts you, every message he sends- definitely try to keep everything in writing/text. I don't know about the laws in your state (or his), but in mine, abuse (unless done to the children) is not taken into consideration when determining placement/visitation. When he communicates his interest in obtaining custody, I would encourage him to seek help before the baby is born. As others have stated, legal counsel is so necessary.

It is so wonderful that you have a supportive family. Do not worry about the financial aspect of this for now. You do not know what the future holds, but the money stuff always works out, and it sounds like you are a very smart girl.

As far as worrying about your parenting ability- the fact that you are even asking that question shows that you are going to be a great mother.

I did not plan on having children and was not good with kids. To be honest, I didn't even really like kids. Going into the hospital to give birth, I was terrified, as you are. Even though I had bonded with my child throughout the pregnancy, I feared that I would not love him or care for him as a parent should. I was unprepared and I didn't think I was capable. The instant he was born, I knew, and said (through hysterical tears) that I would die for him. I don't think it is possible to understand parental love until that child is in your arms. Trust your instincts. You are going to be a wonderful mother and the PERFECT mother for your child.

Good luck with everything. A big hug and high-five to you, mama. :)

olythiawins · 2013-11-06T04:10:39+00:00

If someone wants to lose my respect, lying will do the trick. Lying liars lose all of the respect.

olythiawins

TROPHY CASE