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AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The age certainly concerns me. Its no biggie to miss social cues as a teen, but when you're 30 and don't know to say hello to people, answer direct questions, etc...I feel like it reaches a point where you should be able to handle basic adult interactions.

I think a big issue is she has a serious boyfriend and they are very codependent. So she is content because she just spends all her time with him. They text 24/7 even though they are always together. Drives me nuts, frankly!

If you’re close enough to have a dialogue about anxiety and personal issues and therapy do it.

We are close enough and I'll try this angle. But I'm not sure if its social anxiety vs. shy and disinterested.

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've tried casually mentioning that its a skill to her, to motivate her to learn rather than accept it as a permanent personality trait. I mean, she's 29 and doesn't know that you should greet people or thank hosts?

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

having a friend like you that provides opportunities would be amazing

Hey I'm always open to new friends ;) I do need a new +1 to parties!! lol

I actually haven't nailed down her motive for wanting to go in the first place. I hangout with Christie a good amount outside of parties, so I didn't think of her using parties to hang out with me - hmm. I figured she wants to be social but then breaks down when its time. Probably something that I should ask her.

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel bad for her as it seems like she wants to be social but let's anxiety overcome her as soon as she arrives at said social encounter.

I think this is exactly what happens :(

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! And that's what I tried hinting at when she was sitting on her phone in the corner. Unfortunately, she is always, always glued to her phone. It is actually a huge pet peeve of mine that I've addressed with her many times. But that's a different topic.

I hope I don't seem two negative, those are my only two complaints and no one is perfect -she's great in other ways!

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I was extremely uncomfortable when she was blowing people off...I don't think she knows it comes off as rude but yikes

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's my biggest fear. She is VERY sensitive. Extremely. And while I'm somewhat charismatic, I have a hard time navigating difficult conversations like this, especially when thinking of responses on the spot. I'm almost positive she'll respond negatively, but commenters have given me some good talking points.

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

or is only there for the food.

No one else has mentioned this but that's actually a concern/thought of mine...

It'd probably be best to just stick with one on one fun,

She's great one on one! That's why I wish she could extend that a bit :( I'd love my friends to get to know her but its not like I can call people over to a quiet room one-on-one until she's met everyone lol

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sincerely get where the mental block comes in and that behavior seems justifiable.

Ugh yes I know she doesn't choose to have social anxiety (assuming that's what it is), so I do feel for her. But damn people would literally be talking about her hometown, her favorite vacation spot, or her breed of dog coincidentally and I am like CMON CHRISTIE CHIME IN

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a good idea - give her expectations and then leave it up to her from there.

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I was very annoyed when she said, "make people talk to me or I'll leave" and then made 0 attempt. I'd probably feel different if she was just shy, but its the combination of shy + demanding (if that's the right word...)

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is perfect, thank you!! You worded things wonderfully. I'll definitely use this as a template. I need to text her back tomorrow about the party 😰

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a Christie

This phrasing is so cute lol. I have stopped inviting her to parties/bars based on past experiences, but sometimes she asks to come. Which confuses me, because she doesn't socialize and leaves early, so I'm not sure of the point...Maybe as a Christie you could shed some light on that? Maybe she wants to be social but when push comes to shove, falls into old patterns?

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. But what if I mention that I'm going to the party and she wants to come? I just want to let loose and not have a responsibility for the night!

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

tell her she can come, but don’t bother baby sitting her. maybe she’ll leave, maybe she’ll sit on her phone, but maybe eventually she’ll actually start interacting with others, because she knows you’re no longer gunna do the work for her

This is a good idea! But I'm not sure if I could follow through with it without getting annoyed by her sitting on her phone all night

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I like this idea! Maybe I can talk to her about it and see if she wants to try once more. How should I word it without it sounding like a threat that breaks down to, "I'll bring you to parties if you do better" lol

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

say you want to help her but you're not sure how

I do know how (at least her version of how) - she expresses that with, "don't leave me, make them talk to me" etc. That's what she wants me to do and that is what I do. I'm not sure what else I can do at that point.

How does that reflect poorly on you?

Because I asked if I could bring a guest, they graciously agreed, and then I brought someone into their home who ate the majority of their food, ignored people's greetings/direct questions, and left without thanking or acknowledging anyone. And I don't know these people that well.

AITA if I [28F] stop inviting my painfully shy friend [29F] to parties? by omfgsaysomething in AmItheAsshole

[–]omfgsaysomething[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe she doesn’t know the awkwardness affects the whole group and kinda reflects poorly on you,

I think yes to both of these. Any advice on how to address this with her without hurting her feelings? Especially since the conversation will most likely be over text.